Dead Man's Hand

Keramptha, it will give me great pleasure to dedicate the next story to you. Your support has been immeasurable. I've been away a little while (not in the funny farm, yet) so my apologies to everyone for not updating sooner. I hope you enjoy the book. It's a little different to this story, but the humour's still there, albeit very dry. Whilst on the subject of writing I would like to say that I enjoy your writing immensely. It's always rich with perception and let it be said that you are an alchemist with words. So I'm looking forward to seeing some more great writing from you as well! Thanks, bro.

 

(c) LK 2005

IV
Neither the professor, nor Nina could remember their dream, but it surely must have been a nightmare judging by their sweat. Even the fanning with giant feathers from the pharaoh's manservants could not subside the stress of their mysterious dilemma. Nina gave an amorous look to the professor to which he was about to respond in the appropriate manner by dismissing the cooling servants. His erotic trapeze plans were cut short, however, by the screaming and yelling outside their chamber. They slipped easily into their scant clothes and went outside in the long stretching hallway to investigate.

"I will not abide with the forces of Satan!" it was a heart piercing scream, all hope diminishing in a succumbing reality that wasn't meant to be.
"Lord, help me in my time of need!" it was the same voice and it carried the same helplessness. The curious thing, as far as the visitors from the other era were concerned, was that the voice yelled and pleaded with a Texan drawl. They ran like the wind in its direction to see who it was.

There were guards at the porch of an arched entrance and, as was usual in an imperial palace, forbade them entry.
"Jimminyfuckin' cricket!" yelled Nina. "Move over an' give this shit a rest! There's a fellow Texan in there that needs our help! Now shoo!"
"Well said, pumpkin," approved the professor.
"Let them through," it was the weary sound of Amoun, the young pharaoh.
An unexpected sight greeted them both, but Nina was the worst affected, as it was her fellow townsman that was being restrained.

"I will not join the dark forces of the devil!" screamed the reverend. "I am a Christian man and as such I will die! Let go of me, you heathens!"
"My! It's reverend Passline!" cried Nina. "Allmy, what are they doin' to him? Let go, scumbags, you're hurtin' a man o' the cloth!"
"Relax, Nina," said the professor. "Your Highness, can you explain what's happening?"
"As you can see, the reverend has not adapted to the reality that's consumed us," replied the pharaoh. "It's too much for him and against his beliefs!"
"Wha'ya mean?" asked Nina. "We don't have any difficulty, 'xcept the one about gettin' back home. Why should he?"
"So far we've all come back as something that was relative to what we were in the 19th century, apart from me who's come back as myself," explained Amoun, who's mind seemed to be addressing several hundred problems simultaneously. "The professor has come back as a Royal Mathematician and you've come back as a peasa...I mean a farm hand. Alas, for the reverend, for he is a religious man, he's come back as a High Priest."
"A High Priest?" asked Nina and the professor in unison.
"The Highest of all High Priests, unfortunately for him," continued the pharaoh. "This is one of the many problems that I was going to speak to you about, professor. Oh, the plagues have fallen on me! How is a religious man going to accept another faith? He will become insane, or worse, commit suicide!"
"Can't we do somethin'?" asked Nina. "He's such a good man, Your Majesty, we can't leave him like this."
"My physicians are doing what they can," said the pharaoh. "But our medicine is probably not a patch to the one you're used to in the future."
"The hell it isn't!" they were shocked to hear another Texan voice. One of the physicians attending to the reverend was their own doctor from Corpus Christi.
"Wow! Doctor Dice! You're here, too!" shouted Nina (Ed's note: now you know the doctor's name!)
"Yes, yes, but they're all callin' me Nebunekaka, or somethin' like that. I don't have a clue where we are, but we have to save the reverend from going cookoo! Must say! I've never seen medicine like this before. An' it's all natural, too! We seem to have fallen behin in the future, rather than step forward. Now, I must rememeber to make a note of the herbs and botanical..."
"Doctor, what have you given him?" asked the professor.
"We're trying to sedate him at the moment, using the juice of fruit that is in the process of going rotten."
"What! Are you trying to poison 'im?" inquired Nina.
"Tut-tut, young lady," said the doctor. "You still have a lot to learn through life. I was priviliged to study the erratic behaviour of monkeys that were compelled to eat rotten fruit."
"But it's not doing anything!" Nina pointed out.
"Patience," replied dr. Dice.

Lo and behold the reverend burst into song.
"Onward Christian so-o-o-ldiers, marching as to war..."
"Err...exactly how much of this fruit juice have you given him?"
"Oh, he's drunk the whole bottle so far. Don't worry, he'll soon pass out. Then we can start with his therapy using exotic aromas. Totally fascinating. My mind just boggles. It's a crime all this knowledge has disappeared!"
It wasn't long before the reverend was sound asleep and counting his heavenly flock of sheep.

"Are there any more of us?" asked the professor.
The pharaoh nodded.
"You'll meet the chief commander of my armed forces later," said the pharaoh. "It's none other than your good old sheriff, but he wasn't affected like the priest. Thank Isis! I've counselled him and he's taken to his responsibilities like a fish to water."
"That's our sheriff, alright," said Nina. "Always puttin' others before himself."
"But I don't get it," said the professor. "What's he got to with the army?"
"Are you jokin'?" asked Nina. "Our sheriff has fought in many campaigns. He's a hero. Still, he hates war, you know, but he sure as hell won't sit back an' let anyone ruin the peace for what he's responsible for."
"That is unbelievable!" said Allmy (and it was the first one for the day).

"What's going to happen to the reverend?" asked Nina. "Will he be normal again."
"It might help if we all get together and speak with him after his therapy," said the professor.
"That is a good idea," said the doctor. "Perhaps we can get him to play along for now. He doesn't have to believe in all that crocodile and snake stuff for real."
The pharaoh gave a scorning frown, but he left it at that. These were strangers to his way of life, after all and surely had to be excused of some ignorance.
"Perhaps my mathematician and his apprentice," he said looking at the professor and Nina, "would like to join me in the strategy room where you will meet my general, your sheriff."
Nina was very excited.
"Are there any others? Are they all here?"
"Most of your townspeople have been found around the city, but not all. We're still searching, though. Egypt is, however, huge just like Texas," said the pharaoh. "They could be anywhere. The major problem that we have at the moment concerns the threat from the Southern Kingdom."
"Is that why we're going to the strategy room?" asked the professor.
"Exactly," replied the pharaoh. "I hope that your sheriff is as good as you say he is, because we're under threat of invasion."
"Who are we up against, Your Majesty?" asked Nina. "Who is this evil cunnivin' son of a bitch that is tryin' to steal your crown?"
Amoun looked sad.
"His name is Khartoumosis," he said. "He is my brother."

(to be continued.)

 

(c) LK 2005

V
"So, how exactly are you planning to get us out?" asked Hornbet.
Ace quietly laughed. "Why would I want to do that, shithead?"
"Oh, you are the funny one," replied the gambler. "I s'pose you wear a red nose when you're in hell, too and one of those spinning dicky bows."
"Now there's an idea!" exclaimed the devil's warlord. "You do amaze me sometime. Such imagination. Pity it's wasted on a rapidly-going-nowhere-buttmunchkin like you. Ah, the mysteries of life on earth!"
"Shut it, turdbucket!"
"Oooooh, you gonna make me, big boy?"
"Give it a rest, dickweed!"
"Ho! Ho! The human's gettin a wee bit angry! Let's all hide from his unmerciful wrath!"
"Kchhhhhhhh..." Hornbet made a phlegm noise from the back of his throat.
"Oh, oh, oh, little bitty ape descendant is going back to his original roots. What's the matter, nadface, finally lost for words, or is that the best your mama could teach you when she climbed out the tree?"
"Kchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Hornbet continued building up the phlegmy noise.
"I think the ol' fart is finally gonna croak it!" taunted Ace. "He's a havin' a cardio. Hope you choke to death, you smelly bean-eating same-clothes-wearing-every-day cheapskate, tosser. I'll water your grave every day...with my dick."
"Kchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." this time Hornbet swirled his head round and round, collecting momentum.
"He's having a seizure!!!" shouted Ace. "Quick! Someone fetch a medic! Oh! We can't! I forgot we're trapped in the desert and we can't go anywh..."
"PHHHHTOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Hornbet released a massive gob of spit from his mouth, which hit Ace square in the eye. A long stream of sticky saliva dribbled from his chin onto the sand that had encased him. The archdemon was temporarily silent. He couldn't move much either. They had both been buried in the sand up to their heads.

"Are you going to be quiet now?" asked Hornbet.
"Mmm... thanks for the moisturizer," replied Ace. "If I was you I'd save my spit. The desert's goin' to eat you alive!"
"Well, for you to still be here, then I guess that destiny has pretty much sealed your damn fate in the same boat as mine," said Hornbet with a sneer, "and there was I thinkin' that you're the most powerful demon in the pantheon."
"Yeah, don't get too excited, human scum. This is probably a temporary power failure due to the influx of the space/time continuum. All my powers will return to me within the hour and then I'll make you drown in your spit!"
"Whatever! I don't suppose it's worth me ordering you to do anything then is there, considering you're now impotent!"
"Who's the wiseguy, now? Just relax and enjoy the torture they've set us. Consider it a warm up for when I put you in a fiery pit and slowly peel your skin off!"
"Sounds exotic! Have you any idea who put us here? And why?" asked Hornbet.
"I don't have a clue where we are. Not yet, anyway. Never mind who put us here."
"Great! I can't see anything much on this side. Can you see anything behind my head?"
Their heads were facing each other (perhaps their torturers knew enough about them that they would wind each other up to death, before the dehydration killed them).
"All I can see are endless rolling sand dunes."
"Me, too. We're fucked. I can't see anything that will help us," said Hornbet.
"Don't worry about it," said Ace, "pretty soon the buzzards will descend and peck your eyeballs out, then you won't see anything at all."

Hornbet tried desperately again to see if he could shift his way out of the sandy grave that he'd been put in.
"Save your strength," said Ace.
"What for? We're gonna die, anyway? What's the point?"
Hornbet relaxed, the heat was making him dizzy. Hours passed and it didn't look like the demon's powers were returning either. He was suffering just like the human, but in a strange way Hornbet thought that he looked as if the satanic creature was actually enjoying it.
"Perverse foul being!" thought Hornbet. He was too exhausted to speak. He could only utter dry guttural sounds. He wasn't even sweating anymore, his skin was cracking up. All he could think about was water and that was making the torture a thousandfold worse. Everything was twisting around him. The world was spinning out of his control. It had finally come in a way that he would never have imagined. Still, he played his hand quite well in life, he thought. Shame he couldn't have gone all the way with what he wanted. Still.
"What was that?" he thought.
He could hear a hissing sound, like a snake. Hornbet's fears that the demon would regain his powers and tear his soul to shreds were being confirmed. He tried to concentrate all he could to focus, but from what little he could make out the demon's head was still in front of him. It was something else that was slithering towards them.
"A-a-a-a-ace, th-e-r-e's a sssssn-" he couldn't complete his sentence. His throat was parched and his breath felt like razors in his windpipe. He could just about see the undeniable movements of a serpent heading in their direction. Their end was sealed in the venomous fangs of an asp as it crawled across the Sahara. Hornbet closed his eyes and felt darkness above him. Then he heard a thud.

He opened one eye.

He couldn't see it well, but he could definately smell it. It was a foot in a hard walked sandal. The kind of cheesy smell that would ward off even mosquitos. Someone had saved them. The gambler craned his head up into the glare of the sun, but could only see a tall silhouette.
"I can't believe my luck!" he thought, since he couldn't say it.
There must have been many of them, because he could feel them clawing the sand to unbury them. The strangers raised Hornbet's and Ace's eyelids to see if they were still alive and, satisfied that they were, said something between them. Someone brought a goat skin water flask and gave them a single drop of water. Any more in their condition would have killed them instantly. Hornbet could see some long pieces of wood that looked like a stretcher and felt relieved that these good Samaritans had found them and would carry them off into an oasis, or something. As his vision got slightly better he noticed that they were dressed more like warriors, probably dark nomads. He still couldn't figure out where they were, but at least now he could get some rest. Then he noticed something that unsettled him. It must have been a hallucination. Surely those weren't human bones that decorated, or rather comprised their armour? Come to think of it, their eyes didn't seem charitable at all. More like crazed with frenzy. Oh shit. Out of the frying pan they say. Those weren't stretchers. Both Ace and Hornbet were tied on to the long poles and carried off like a deluxe quality supersize meal, without fries.

(to be continued.)

 

(c) LK 2005

VI
The hours in the blazing sun passed before they entered a dense African jungle. Weird exotic animal echoes reverberated in the humid air and seemed to be coming from everywhere and nowhere. Hornbet should by all means have been scared, not just worried, but he had been a gambler long enough to know that the hand is not over until the last card is dealt. Though he was a million miles away from home, his insepid brain was already calculating. Ace, on the other hand, was overjoyed with the new sense of being able to feel pain, having lost all his demonic powers. He wasn't in a rush to escape from his predicament. The captors cut their way through the thick growth with sharp, evil-looking blades, whilst maintaning silence. Whilst hanging upside down from the pole he was tied to, Hornbet could see scarce shafts of light piercing through the top. Every now and again a boa slithered down the bark of the many peculiar twisted trees.

In the distance they could hear drums beating and as the sound got closer they entered a clearing where the savanna started. The sky had an peculiar twilight glow, like the end of an apocalyptic dream. Hornbet heard their feet splashing. The savanna had turned to mud. They were in a marsh. Like an unwanted aparition it appeared almost as if it had been hidden by a spell. There was no delicate way to describe the intimidating citadel that dominated the landscape. It oozed with abusive power, an icon of torment and lack of compassion. If Hornbet wasn't such a selfish bastard he would have stared with awe. As it was, his mind was already sidetracking from his escape plans and wondering what treasures he would be able to pilfer from within his dungeon. As for Ace, he looked impressed with the satanic architecture. Surely that was a confirmation as to how evil this place was.

They were carried through a granite entrance that looked like a maw with giant razor teeth. The walls looked as if they were living, as if they were made of flesh. Skulls and bones of every variety of living being were littered through the corridors and a pungent smell that spelled death filtered the air like a permanent stain.

"Psst...Ace," whispered Hornbet. "Can you hear me? Where the hell are we?"
"I've lived for aeons beyond what you human fecal matter call time," replied the demon, "but never have I seen such place of worship for the Dark Lord! He will be pleased."
"How is it possible for you not to know this place?"
"If I knew the answer you can be sure I wouldn't tell you."

The start of another round of pointless bickering was cut short when they were suddenly released and crashed on the sticky-with-blood floor. They were in a vast hall that had eyes of various sizes everywhere. The thousands of eyeballs which were attached to the porous walls, followed their movements everywhere. Hornbet was dismayed. It wasn't fear, however. He was just pissed off because it would be hard to steal anything with so many witnesses about. Perhaps he could ask the owner of this hapless abode if he would be interested in a hand of 3 card poker.

(to be continued)

 

DMH is a title of a batman episode.......

 

Thanks QT. I didn't know that (even though I must admit I'm a Caped Crusader fan). This has got more to do with poker, however, hence Hornbet the central character is an avid gambler. I assume you all know where the phrase 'dead man's hand' actually originated from...anyway, in my own peculiar manner it will all become relevant a little later on. I run a search through Google and saw that there's also a comical screenplay with the same name on www.hotbrand.com . I haven't had time to peruse yet, but it looks promising. As far as I know the only similarities between my saga and the screenplay is that it has a western setting. On the other hand, or on the other dead man's hand we are currently in ancient Egypt, have fought demons from the nether plane and are currently in some kind of necropolis inside the jungle... Who knows where we'll end up?

 

(c) LK 2005

VII
The fluttering of wings echoed around the giant domed ceiling. Dark vultures were flying above them, impatient for their next snack. In the centre of the vast chamber was a scarlet pool. No doubt why the pool was red. In the centre of the pool rose a stack of discarded bones as tall as a Norseman and on top of that sat a grotesquely clothed figure, which stared without blinking at the two guests.

"How're we gonna get him on a cards table, Ace?" asked Hornbet. "Perhaps you can answer that."
"I don't think he looks like much of a gambler, shmocko," replied the demon. "He looks like he can suck your brain through your eyeballs. What little you've got, anyway."
"Hmm...if he's a man then he will gamble. Wait a minute..."
"What? Don't tell me I offended you again."
"No, it's not that. I got bored with all that hours ago. I'd rather listen to a Cajun injun who's playing out of tune and has a voice like gravel."
Surprisingly, Ace wasn't happy with that comment.
"Look, you dozy demon!" continued Hornbet. "Don't you recognize him? It's that negro from the motel."
"What? No way! It's not him!"
"It's him I tell ya! Look!"
"Err... calm down, you over excited, homo erectus. You're making a scene. You'll embarrass me in hell."
Hornbet was unstoppable.
"Hey, you, boy! Yo!" he shouted. "Over here! Fancy meeting you here!"
Ace hanged his head down and took one step away from Hornbet.
A rather unsettling smile etched across the host's black marble face. Although he was a good looking youth, his features were an icon of malice and sadistic gratification.

"Always the wise monkey, aren't you Hornbet?" said the young man.
"There, you see?" Hornbet said aside to Ace. "He knows my name. I told you it's him!"
"It's not him!" whispered Ace, who sounded on the border of being intimidated.
"So, what would the most notorious, filthiest, back-stabbing pirate of the Mediterranean be doing so far down the river Nile?" asked the Dark Emperor. "No doubt looking for forbidden treasures to steal, judging by your sandy predicament in the desert?"
"Oh, we must thank you for that," replied Hornbet. "If your men hadn't showed up, my servant would have surely suffered sunstroke with all that heat an' shit!"
The young man laughed and as he did so all the chamber, though void from any visible living person apart from those present, laughed with him. As soon as he stopped, the chamber was silent again.
"There is no limit to your audacity," said the youth. "Who would dare to place a foot within the realm of my empire, but the most fearsome, bloodthirsty corsair of the seven seas? There are no men alive who have had the pleasure of such long conversation with Khartoumosis."
"So that's your name is it?" asked Hornbet. "I honestly thought you were too young to play poker, back in the salloon. I hope you weren't offended, an' all."
Khartoumsosis laughed again, and as always his invisible minions joined in.
"Your humour is deadly, pirate. You've travelled so far, you forget that we don't know what you've seen. What is a salloon? Perhaps another time. We have more engaging matters at hand. We have recovered your ship and crew. I would like you to do me a little favour (Author's note: favour indeed!). Be a little sweetheart and deliver a little box that I got from a distraught Greek woman. It is a present for my brother, ruler of the Northern Nile for his birthday, which is coming up. I would have taken it myself, but I want it to be a surprise. I have too many troubles within our borders to make a personal visit, so you understand. Make sure you don't tell him who it's from though. Oh, and by the way, under no circumstances open the box by yourself. You will suffer a horrible death if you do. The device is only meant to be opened by a ruler. I don't want to tell you what would happen the minute it is opened by any other hand. And give my brother my warmest love once he's opened it."
"Sure, yeah, no problem," replied Hornbet. "You sure you don't wanna quick game of Texas Hold 'Em before we leave."
Khartoumosis gave a low menacing laugh, and the chamber gave one too.
"Perhaps on your return we might engage in some passtime, or another. Safe journey, Captain Hornbet, nightmare of every sailor and harbour wench. May Seth be with you. My crocodiles will escort your vessel through the Nile up until the borders. The rest is up to you."

"There, you see? It was him!" said Hornbet as they were leaving. "He's just sufferin' from amnesia, or somethin' . Pro'bly bumped his conch when he got 'ere."
The demon didn't reply. He was fed up with saying: "It's not him."
"Don't forget," shouted Khartoumosis from the back. "It's a surprise gift. Hush-hush!"
They left.

"What's the plan, brainless?" asked Ace.
"Well, Mr super-duper-used to have some magic powers-demon," replied Hornbet. "I say we get on the boat and since we're in Egypt, and we're headin' that way, we get to Cairo sell the boat, keep the box and take it back to the States where we'll get a better price."
"Genius." said Ace, with unhidden sarcasm. "Where you going to sell it, Oppenheimer? The Pentagon hasn't been invented yet! And come to think of it, judging by what I've seen so far, neither has Cairo."
"Woah, hold it right there with that demon talk, tryin' to confuse my head. If you carry on whining, I'll leave you here with all the gorillas and crocs to keep you company. You'll have to live on monkeynads for eternity."
Even though Ace/Asmodeus would have found the intellect of the aforementioned animals more stimulating, nevertheless he was besaught to follow course with the buffoon he was attached to in order to try and find an exit to his domain. One thing was for sure. Angels and demons don't have the same sight as humans. Theirs is far more complex and for one thing pertains biometric readings. You can wear the greatest disguise on earth, plastic surgery, anything. Unless you can disguise your soul, they will recognize you. So Ace was more than absolutely certain that it definately wasn't him.

(to be continued)

 

it's an episode about the royal flush gang..... poker through and through......

 

yey matie!

 

Alas, poor yorik. Welcome to the forum, brother. About time we had another bubble around here.

 

(c) LK 2005

VIII

"What the hell happened?" asked Hornbet. "One minute we were walking towards a galley to take us to Cairo and the next thing I know everything was frozen. It feels like we've been in suspended animation for months!"

"Suspended animation!" exclaimed Ace, the demon disguised as a human being that was conjured by Hornbet to serve him to cheat at cards whilst they were still in Texas before things went pear shaped and the whole town's inhabitants were flung across a spacetime continuum that landed them in a mock ancient Egyptian setting that they're now trying desperately to get out of. "Those are impressive words for someone that has shit for brains, gambler!"

"Is that a fact? Well I got 2 more words for you: Fuck you!" replied Ace. "You still haven't answered my question, since you're the bright one."

"You wouldn't understand," replied the demon.

"Try me."

"What if I was to tell you that we were a figment of someone's imagination. That we didn't exist. And that the only reason that we're here is that someone started writing a story and got bored half way through."

"Bored? Why? I'm not boring! Maybe you are. Why would he stop writin', though?"

"Maybe he started another story. Maybe he got fed up with your stupid whinin' all the time...oh, ace, do this, do that, oh you can't do magic anymore, oh I got no use for you now. Me, me, me, you selfish human piece of shit. I would have abandoned writin' about you, too. AND you're still wearin' the same fuckin' smelly clothes that you had on from the start. Come to think of it, I've never see you take a bath, and we've been together all the time (I guess I must be cursed). You stink like a leper that's been eating onions and your ass must look like a map of Indonesia with all the dry shit scabs on it."

There was a very long, protracted and rather embarassing silence. In fact the entire animal kingdom inside the jungle had stopped to listen. A monkey covered its ears and as a consequence fell out of the tree it was on. A lioness was so digusted that it abandoned her quarry and went to wash her teeth in the river. Even the hyena wasn't laughing.

"Anyway," continued Ace after a deep breath. "We have a boat to catch."

Hornbet didn't reply. He just sniffed at his clothes and recoiled from the stench. The demon was right. He stunk bad. But a real gambler doesn't change his lucky clothes. Not when he's on a run.

"Aren't you going to say anything back?" asked Ace.

"I'm not talking to you," said Hornbet, curtly.

"Thank Satan for that," said the demon.

As the jungle cleared and the animals went on with their natural business, they could hear the rush of water. Soon they were standing near a makeshift dock with impaled skulls on pikes outlining the jetty. On the end stood a Grecian-style galley with oars, a black sail and painted eyes at the fore. The crewmen were busy getting her ready for sail, loading barrels, attending the rigging, doing their nails...

"Wait," said Hornbet. "Those sailors are painting their nails! I'm not getting on board with any duckies. Who knows what they might do to us."

"They're women, you cretin!" said Ace.

"What?" Hornbet rubbed the sleep from his eyes and took a closer look. "You're right. Fancy that! Women pirates!"

Hornbet looked at the young fit ladies of the high seas, in their skimpy leather shorts and high jackboots revealing smooth tanned thighs. His eyes worked up to their unbuttoned blouses that revealed 'treasure chests' of a different kind than those normally associated with corsairs; corsets more like. For the first time ever, Hornbet stopped thinking about cards and without having set foot on board the ship, his own mast had been raised by several inches.

Ace noticed that his partner's face was more flushed than a royal flush, but grabbed him by the collar before he stormed ahead.

"Hold on," said Ace. "You can't go on board like that. They'll think that rats have died below deck if they smell you. And you'll humiliate me. Have a bath first."

"Have a bath, yes, yes," repeated Hornbet and without taking his clothes off he jumped straight into the Nile and splashed about frantically.

"Make sure you scrub your arm pits," shouted Ace. "And make sure you wash your ass."

At the thought of wild lusty sex with the nubile female pirate crew Hornbet dipped himself in and out of the river trying to eradicate as much B.O. as possible, but his long earned bath didn't last long.

With inhuman speed he shot out of the water as if he had been flung by a Roman catapult. On his trail was a 12 foot crocodile with a wide open mouth that could swallow a baby hippo.

Ace rolled about, laughing uncontrollably.

"You knew that!!! Didn't you, you son of a bitch? You fuckin' knew that!" Hornbet was a touch upset.

"Yeah," replied Ace, rubbing the tears from his eyes. "I forgot to tell you."

They both got on board and took a long look around the ship and its ample bussomed crew.

"They don't have a pirate flag," said Ace. "Aren't pirates supposed to have a Jolly Roger?"

"I don't know about Jolly Roger," replied Hornbet, "but I intend to have a jolly rogering whilst I'm here."

Hornbet stepped forward and then a wave of recognition suddenly washed over him...

(to be continued...)
(probably in three months time again)

 

This is very good work, very engaging to read. I think that sometimes, I do this too, the craft of writing shows through the story. Well done, the flow, characters, dialogue, imagery and cadence of events. I enjoyed reading it, thank you.
MJ

 

Thanks Mapa. Any suggestions from a fellow writer are always helpful. A lot of these characters are based on real life crooks that I have to encounter. Namely almost half the population