Autumn Breeze

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by Holp, Oct 25, 2005.

  1. Holp

    Holp Member

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    Its a song but since there is no songs forum Ill stick it here. Feel free to tell me how to improve it.:

    When the leaves fall off the trees
    I love to watch them in the autumn breeze
    I sit around and watch the show
    Until its dark and i have to go


    I walk along and i get the bus
    I see the people all in a rush
    Take my time and keep it slow
    I dont care where I go


    *chorus*
    I feel the touch of the autumn breeze
    I see the rain and the wind in the trees
    I feel the cold but I dont mind
    Autumn is my favourite time


    I know what ive been told
    but some days u wanna stay out in the cold
    See the darkened sky ignite
    With the sunset of an autumn night
     
  2. Or's well

    Or's well Member

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    A lovely feeling of autumn, thanks.

    Not that I'm in any way qualified to judge, but I stumbled on the bus line a little, it doesn't seem to flow as well as the rest? Maybe it is the way that I'm reading it.

    Would like to hear it sung.
     
  3. come_do_drawrings

    come_do_drawrings Jaime

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    lovely words I would love to hear a tune set to it...I am not a musician so it is a little difficult to imagine...I did like it tho :)
    very peaceful
     
  4. Holp

    Holp Member

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    Well u might be in luck for hearing it coz i just got some new recording stuff for my pc so i might be able to stick it up sometime on the forums. Fingers crossed :)
     
  5. TrippinBTM

    TrippinBTM Ramblin' Man

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    Nice lyrics, man, I feel what you're saying.
     
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