Had an abortion a year ago...boyfriend expects me to get over it....

Ok I had an abortion a year ago...the one where you take a pill very early on. We were very dumb back then...now we use a condom or he pulls out, even though I know that isnt 100%...I dont use birth control...I have been on 3 different kinds and get really bad side effects. I am a week late for my period...yet I have cramps and I am bleeding really light. The only thing I can think of is I have been taking supplements for my acne (fish oil, primrose oil and acidophilus) within the last month. And i have been extremely stressed at my new job. I am taking a test tomorrow just to make sure. But I know that i cant support a family right now...yet I dont want to go through what i did b4 (abortion). It almost broke us up cuz he wants kids so bad even though he is in no position. So we were talking tonite and he says so nonchalanty "if you are, you get an abortion...simple as that....you got one b4 whats the problem?"....this really hurt me. Since he knows I have been depressed over the last time and I feel it is something I can never forget...and a year isnt long enough to be over it. I tried to explain to him that I will never forget about it...that i am still dealing with it. And he just wanted to get off the phone and end the conversation. Is it cuz hes a guy and can't fully relate, hes not dealing with it, or he just doesnt care. This really hurt me...I feel like he thinks I am so insensitive and that I am coldhearted...we have so many other problems and I am so depressed I just feel numb.....anyone have any advice?

 

I'm confused what pill are you talking about exactly? Just thought the morning after pill had to be taken right after sex, like 3 days or something.

 

I've got a suggesstion, it may mean nothing to you but hey. If you two haven't got the birth control thing fully sorted out and there are problems in your relationship due to this i.e pregnancy, could you hold back on the sex for a while and try and .. I don't know, just sort your relationship out and figure out where you're going? You say that you have so many other problems going on so why create another for yourselves.. And all the stress can't be doing either of you any good.

Whatever happens I wish you both the best of luck.

 

yeah, thats what I was thinking as well..
are you talking about the morning after pill...cause thats not really an abortion, it just makes you getting pregnant not an option..


you cant take a pill to abort a baby...(at least I have NEVER heard of anything of that sort...)

 

It's true, you can. It's for the very very early stages of pregnancy. You take one pill and then 48 hours later you take another and the embryo comes away like a heavy period.

 

The pill that you are referring to puts a halt to fertilization. Basically it stops anything before it can even start if I'm not mistaken.

 

But then again, maybe you're referring to another form of the pill?

 

not true.. medical abortions for malformations etc can and do happen at any time in the pregnancy (in the UK) where the obstetrician deems that it is the compassionate thing to do. this is achieved by mifepristone that effectively drops the progesterone levels leading to the pregnancy terminating itself. this is always followed in 48 hours by misoprostol that induces labour.

 

guys very often don't see it the same way partly because they aren't the ones who are bringing a baby into the world and carrying it for 9 months. I'm not saying all guys are the same but some would see it as your current bf does. my advice? if he's that unsupportive when u're not pregnant at this moment I really don't think u want to become pregnant with his child. by all means date him now but long term wise I think u need to reassess what he brings to the relationship and whether he's the guy u want to settle down with.

 

First of all, if YOU think you can't go through with another abortion, no matter what he thinks, DON'T DO IT! You'll never forgive yourself.

Second of all, if finances are your worry, you'll be surprised how much support you'll get from family (his and yours) when you announce you're expecting.

However, if you still don't have enough support, maybe think about adoption. There are so many options available to mothers now, that if you were part of an open adoption, it wouldn't hurt nearly as much to give your child up.

And I do think you should re-assess your relationship. Any man that claims to want children but cannot see how you are suffering at the thought of abortion is NOT ready to be in a committed give-and-take relationship. Period.

 

It's YOUR body, not his do what you want. You're the one who has to live with the guilt of the abortion not him. A similar thing ahappened to me last month and the guy wanted me to get an abortion. His argument was that he was not ready and that 'I got one before with my ex boyfriend( I had to medically speaking). Reading your situation makes me realize how truely wrong he was in his actions. And ya know what? The abortion pill can be dangerous and abortions can be dangerous. I'm pro-choice but had a very bad experience and I don't see how anyone who loves me ccould have asked me to go through that again because of his own selfishness. I ended up miscarrying because of all the stress from the situation. SO not only did he not even consider my emotional health but he couldn't be bothered to worry about my physical health which leads me to believe he would be a crappy husband and father int he future. Men need to fucking think before they make promises...because women have fucking options-there's a lot of good guys out there Lisa who would not try to force you into having an abortion. heh I need to take my own fucking advice though.

 

couldn't be said any better

 

maybe i am speaking from a biased place, but get the fuck away from this dude! sometimes our hearts can deceive us into thinking a person is good for us when they're really not! it's NOT because he's a guy...i know plenty of men who would never, EVER say that to a woman, no matter how scared they were of being a father. that is some fucked up shit and you do not need that at all. your handle is "confusedlittleone." if you really are a confused little one, you don't need to be in a relationship, period. get away, find yourself, be yourself, learn to love yourself, then you will be in a better place to share a loving, HEALTHY relationship with someone. life is way too short to waste your time with some dickweed boyfriend who basically ordered you to get an abortion. what a douchebag!

 

god ya know you're fucking right

 

he may be freaking out and not fully within his own right mind. things may be coming out sideways and backwards. men DO have emotional responses. they're just not often very good at completely understanding or expressing them. littleone may be in a better position to know where her man is coming from. there's been times when dave has said or done something that would seem to an outsider to be very insensitive or mean, but knowing him better, i better understand what's going on in his head. his ex wife had an abortion that he wasn't even informed of until after the fact. he's still burnt over it. whether he wanted the baby or not, it DOES affect him. so saying that littleone's boyfriend isnt the one who has to carry the guilt fo an abortion is pretty off base, i think. that's like saying a father doesn't love his child because he's not the one who carried it. sometimes men feel they have to be tougher and more cavalier about the decisions they've made, and in their struggle to maintain that position, they'll say things like "get over it" when in fact they're still getting over it, too.

 

But, KC, the fact that even after seeing her reaction after the LAST abortion, and pushing an abortion in this situation, one that she really doesn't feel comfortable with, he's obviously not burnt by the abortion. He's not stopping to notice how upset she is, even if he's upset....Even if they are both affected by an abortion, it obviously didn't harm him like it did her.

 

I'm still confused on our definition of abortion here. If lilone is now 1 week (or as of now it would be 2 weeks) late, then as far as I know, at least not here there is no pill one can take to have an abortion just like that, it is a process of weeks and is quite painful (that I consider an abortion). And if the abortion she is referring to in the past was from taking the pill that prevents fertilization, the day after having sex (the morning after pill) then that was not an abortion, no matter how guilty one feels. So, the first time if it wasn't a real abortion, yet she felt such guilt, but refused to do anything about it (be responsible and find a form of birth control that worked for them all of the time or abstained from sex as to prevent such things as this from happening) and now she is faced with the thought of having to get an actual abortion. (which I don't wish on anyone btw, regardless of how I sound in this post).

My feeling is this, and again, I'm a bitch so take it however you want to. I suggest you get over the first "abortion" which you are milking the sympathy for big time here, and grow up and act a little more responsible for your actions. Abortions are not birth control. Neither is the morning after pill. If you can't make mature enough decisions about your form of birth control, and you are not ready to raise a family, then you should not be having intercourse. Even if you are a bunch of horny kids, there are other ways to get off, that won't put you in such a predicament. And there are many other forms of birth control available, even if you can't take the pill. It sounds to me like your problem is that you have a nonchalant attitude toward sex... that is until it is inconvenient.

Now the boyfriend, that is a different story. KC is right, men sometimes don't know how to express themselves the way that women do and sometimes they put their foot in their mouth. Sometimes women over analyze things that men say/do. Men simply aren't wired like women are so they have different reactions than we do and they don't understand everything on a deeper emotional level. They are problem solvers. That isn't to say they don't feel though.

If however, he really believes that an abortion is no big deal and does not take into consideration lilone's feelings, then that is not a person I'd be wanting to have sex with anyway. She should seriously consider why she would be with someone who obviously doesn't care about how she feels. I'm sure this isn't the first or the last time he has ignored her wishes and imposed his needs/wants/views on her. And she is allowing it.

Remember, we only have one side of the story here though.

 

Why is this so confusing. There is such thing as an abortion pill. It's a two pill set. One causes the pregnancy to end by dropping the progesterone level. The second pill causes contractions which expels the pregnancy. THIS IS NOT THE MORNING AFTER PILL!

 

this is true, but it still doesn't really mean he's a dickhead, just that perhaps he's not fully aware. sometimes we get so swamped by our own emotional reactions to things, such as the terror of having a child unprepared, that we can turn into cold-blooded bastards. it happens to a lotta people. mostly it happens to men, i think because of how they're raised..

 

It doesn't realy matter if it was an abortion or not. Littleone's feelings are what they are, regardless of whether an MD would call her experience an abortion.