spiral down

Kind of sounds like you're using the "it was for his own good" excuse.
It's one of my favorites, but it doesn't usually turn out to be true.

 

haha...and for my own good yes...in numerous ways... i just miss the company (already) of having our own inbuilt little world......maybe thats just a security net...and i resent it because i never wanted that trap...and then losng it feels like i have been uncovered....
but i uncovered myself...
ahh thats the muddle
i feel so boring these days..like i lost a part of myself i cant regain, and only i see it...and feel like all those thngs ve been told am i have turned into... i just want o go somewhere else and create my own life from scratch..but i know what these echoes mean....i know escapism...i know i cant run... but i want to be able to do it all on my own...

 

Afraid of losing your independence. Then finding out you never had it. There's the rub.
Afraid of being who you are because you think it means losing who you wish you were.
Afraid of finding out who you are because you think it means giving up who you want to be.
Sounds like you lost some illusions.

 

Im so transparent....Credit where credit is due...hats off to u!
yeah but where do u start to rebuild?
when do you start to actively live again?
when do you start enjoying questoning again?
when do u start knowing?
when do you learn to start answering urself?
and i wont ask the question i hate so very much here...actually there are a couple that recycle through...
losing llusions- is that the package lfe gves?

 

Life is a secret we keep from ourselves.

 

haha oh your good....yeah it's pretty tuff stuff facing reality...
thanks for your replies and for just seeing...

"No, that's the package that gives life."

i like that...

 

sorry to hear that

i do that too sometimes... push people away. i always just think its not worth trying and im better off by myself which is probably stupid and i just end up losing what i had or could have had.

 

yeah ...it's like a self torment...im like bart wth the hampster...i just keep going back for that damn cupcake!

 

wow. WOW.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

 

i was pretty blind... but ahhh....yeah it must be great to be at the top, hey mate?

 

don't make silly assumptions.

What are you doing wasting your time here? Why aren't you getting your shit together again?

 

well presently i suffer froma nasty hangover....and i have to wait for a friend to drive me home....so im blowng some time whle he sleeps....

it sux to get ur shit together and then have it fall apart agan thou...so i have a long road..haha yeah...

what about u..r u after the chariot?

 

Can't you learn? Or are you determined to doom yourself? What the fuck, man? Self fucking examination means nothing to you? Or are you too self aware for that shit?

And really, how come you don't take these words seriously?

Me? I have no idea what you mean when you ask if I'm after the chariot, so I have no fucking clue if I am or not.

 

i dont know if i can learn - theory is easier than prac

determined to doom myself? sometmes yes..thats what i have to work against

it means a lot to me...my existence relies on it. but yes..i am also extremely self-aware to a detrimental level because it holds me back from being myself... i have fxed ideas i dont know how to change.

sometmes i have to blow things off and then prvately mull over them because id rather laugh than be serous about what seriosuly hurts me...

the chariot? ddnt mean to be wishy washy i thawt it was symbolc enough to express a sort of quest n lfe....

 

Wake the fuck up Peter Pan.

One day you're going to be pretty pissed at yourself. You can give as many half pittied half assured answers as you like. But those who know you, not you, but the half million other people just like you see right fucking through it and all we can do is sigh. In real life sigh, not just in words. Don't you have any idea how much what you just wrote makes you sound you, not you?

I wouldn't even call that selfishness. I'd call that altruism. Sad. Poor you. But more, poor us.

 

i know

 

what's your ambition?

 

can i answer simply by saying i have an ambiton?

 

Don't take anything Talk Show says to heart Clockwork. He's doing what psychologists call projecting, ie, he's saying things to you he knows he needs to say to himself but doesn't have the balls to face.

He's really just underlining everything we've been talking about here; If someone doesn't have the nerve to confront his own demons he's going to run around pointing to the demons hoverring over everybody else's heads, whether they're there or not.

when he says, "wow! what's wrong with you", it's really just a way of asking someone to help him understand what's wrong with him without losing face.

I'm guessing that he, this person giving you shit about being less than perfect in the way you handle relationships, is himself a divorced middle-aged alcoholic (how about it Talk Show?);