This is the only place I can turn to...please help.

Okay...not really that big of an issue in the long run, but I need advice.

About a month ago, me and my girlfriend had a discussion. She found some junk e-mail on my e-mail account and thought somehow that I was looking to meet someone else, which I wasn't. But the thing scared her into gods only know what, and so we talked for a long time, her mostly, saying that we're both really young and she doesn't want either of us to be tied down, but she also doesn't want to break up. She thinks that it shouldn't be a big deal if we get a 'crush' on someone else, or if we hang out with other members of the opposite sex. Which is fine. She said she didn't think it should be a big deal if we kissed (Not like make out screw me kiss) someone other than each other. Which was also fine. She said all that, but that we shouldn't sleep with other people. Very good, I agree.

So anyways...it all comes down to this. We both needed our space, and to live our individual lives a little more. We live together, and so this made our time together all the more better....but here's where things kind of fuck up for me.

I'm starting to notice things, little things, that don't seem right. She's not being as affectionate as she used to. I've found pictures of her showing major boobage on the computer (which wouldn't be a big deal, if it weren't for my suspicions/paranoia) and she won't sit inside and talk on the phone, more times than not, she'll get up and be like "I'm going to walk around while I talk" and she goes outside...She hasn't been home since tuesday (It is now thursday early morning) leaving me a note saying that she was going to be staying at her friends house (one that I know and have met..) but something is weird...I came home this morning, about 2am from work, to a note saying that her friend wants her to come over again, and that she might spend the night, again, and to call her on her cell phone...I call, no answer, I call again, no answer, I call again, no answer, I left a message.

I don't know. If she's seeing someone else, thats not so much a big deal, because at least I know she feels she's happy. I just wish if that were so, she'd tell me, so I can get over her and go on with my life. I mean...there are so so so many things that I want to do so so badly, but I don't, because I'm here with her. Also, if this info helps, we've been together for about 1 2/3 year...I'm 18, she's 19, we knew each other a good while before we got together, and we're completely different people.

So...someone help. Atleast give me an opinion of the account I've related. Thanks guys...

-Haplo

 

hmmmm, yea, it seems to me from the information that you've presented that she wasnt so much worried about you looking for someone else as she wanted to bring the subject up, but without shinning hte spotlight on herself. i'd say she's almost deffinatley breaking her own rules and if thats the final frontier for you two in your limits as to whats cheating and what isnt, then i'd say dump her.

 

I almost hope she is...simply so that I can feel my paranoia is justified, and not just...paranoia....but if we do split up, I'm gone. I mean, I've for so very long had this undying urge to just slap on a backpack, grab my guitar, and wander. Just go anywhere, everywhere, and try anything and everything. Just live. So much freedom...

 

well its not good that you feel so bogged down in your relationship anyways. if it turns out she isnt, would you still want to remain in a relationship where you feel trapped and untrusting of your partner?

 

Good point...I'm not really sure. Probably not...lol, thats horrible too, I suppose. If that is the case, I really shouldn't have let it go for so long, right?

 

are you asking me or asking yourself? you should be asking yourself. but i don't want to tell you to pull away from this girl who for all i know could be the best thing in your life. maybe she's not cheating on you, and you feel traped BY your paranoia, and because of your paranoia. if its nothing it might not be worth throwing away an entire relationship over what might be temporary feelings.relationships certianly take work and both parties have to work towards an agreement...which includes your gf as well...i assume YOU assume she's off cheating on you, and thus wrote your story acordingly, so theres only one side of the story posted...but you know your gf better than i would.
if she is off cheating on you now, would that be inexcusable? is she worth forgiving so long as you feel she got whatever she wanted out of her system, and is ready to commit again?

 

Actually...I wrote the post from the point of view that I might be paranoid, and hope that I am...thats what I tried to do anyhow.
The thing is, I've always wanted to be free and such, but that requires throwing everything away, atleast the way I want it.
Now, if she is cheating on me, I could forgive her, but I couldn't be with her...I wouldn't be able to stand knowing that at some time I wasn't able to make her happy. I don't know...I guess when she gets home, I'll just have to ask her whats been going on.

 

Just have a talk and try to get it out into the open. I myself think open relationships work well. However, both partners need to be on the same page on what that means. Try to think about what you see as the difference between sex and love. Nevertheless, you have to decide what to do - then do what you decided.

 

Your just starting out on your journey, youth is on your side. If the wonderlust is in your heart, follow it or you may regret it later in life.
It sounds to my like your girlfriend is living a double standerd. She doesnt want you to 'cheat and she thinks she's fooling you while she is cheating.
Your both young and still growing in personalities. I see this so many times.Young Couples get together and think they are in love, they stay together for a while and they grow, sometimes they grow apart or grow in different directions. For a young person to feel stuck in a relationship they have out grown they start to wonder if life is not passing them by. If there maybe bigger and better opertunites out there that may suit you better then the old life you are ready to leave behind.
It sounds to me like your girlfriend has grown away from you. I think you should sit down and have a talk with her and find out the truth of the situation. It also sounds to me like you are ready to fly yourself.
sh

 

A betrayal of trust IS cheating even if she isn't having sex. Why all of the sudden are her calls so secretive she has to take them outside? Disappearing for three days without a word is just rude, no matter the circumstances. Doesn't sound like you all have a relationship to me. My friends treat me better than that. Sounds like you both have grown apart and that she no longer confides in you about her personal life.

 

Well, I talked to her (sort of) about it. I didn't mention all the little things that have been making me think she's been seeing someone else, but I told her that lately I've been worried about that. She looked me in the eye and said no....
I'm not sure I believe her.
You know what though? I'm not going to worry about it. If at some later time I find more evidence supporting my paranoia, then I will, but untill then, screw it. I can't handle worrying about it, because all I want to know is if she is or isn't cheating on me so that I can either get over it, or I can forget about it.

Thanks for your advice everyone...

 

shes cheating as the day is long wake up my brother, dump her now dump her first

 

shes having her cake and eating it too. she seeing who gives her more , decide that for her dump her

 

Do what you think is best for you - try not to hurt anyone that you do not have to - have fun - The three answers to all of life's problems.

 

I do think that you two have grown apart, and if you have the need to do other things and feel "bogged down" by her then you should definitely just break it off. It does sound like she brought up those new changes to your relationship in order to take the spotlight off of herself. It doesn't sound like the relationship is really working anymore and has now sort of become a burden for you both. Even if you find it difficult to split ways entirely, maybe you could just keep in touch and part. It really doesn't seem to be working for either of you anymore.

And yeah, disappearing for three days is just damned rude.