I'm walking by the coast… The shawm keeps playing in my head… Shadows are shifting on the cloudy sky… Shh, shh, the wind is blowing from the south. My feet are sinking in the sand… Chopin keeps playing in my head… On my left some other feet are shaping… Shh, shh, Your feet in their purest form - all sandy. Four footprints walking their way… Shadow keeps whispering her words… And my eyes are undressing Her rose-red lips… Shh, shh, the wind keeps on blowing the message of Love. ________________________________________________________________ This poem is just an impression of my dream world, where I am walking by the coast in the evening with my best friend/lover... She lives quite far away and all... The shawm is some medieval flute, in case you don't know. Love, Borut
I definitely feel the dream world - very mystical. I like it a lot, it's not trying to hard with big words, or complicated structure. It's just simple and honest; with nothing to hide behind the poetry stands.
Yes, I used the free verse, it's not even rhyming. But I tried to get the sound of the wind inthere, shhhh, shhh and CHopin, SHadows, SHifting, etc. Thanks for your nice comments! Love, Borut
good stuff...real mellow, and you painted the picture well, as you so often do! I really liked "Charlotte keeps whispering her words… And my eyes are undressing Her rose-red lips…"
Great work, I defintely got the dreamy feel from this. And you did a great job with the 'sh' sounds, subtle yet evident, if ya know what I mean.
Thank you all! Somebody, on some poetry forums, told me that it reminds her of Robert Browning and that I should try and write in more unique way, if i want to get a good poem. Is it lots like some other's writing? Please be frank, so I can improve my writing.
I'm no expert, I'm afraid, on Browning or the wider literary world. But it didn't sound familiar to me. But to do that it would have to sound like Ted Hughes, Cliff Yates or Wilfred Owen, cos that's about all I know well enough to judge from!Having a unique voice is important, but no-one can ever be arrogant to assume that they've found it, and that what they're saying has never been said before. And if you stumble across someone who does write like you, then yes you should try and change, but you should never be surprised!! Expression is limitless, but we all write about similar things, and are all human after all - some overlap is undesirable, but not unexpected.
aww you made me wanna be at the beach again Oh how I long to dig my toes in the sand and hear the ocean waves.....
