that's right! me and dario, my fiance' of 2 years, broke it off today. i'm beyond sad, but i do, in my heart of hearts believe it's for the best. we haven't been *truly* happy together for quite some time, and we both feel that we've kinda had to force intimacy lately, and force happiness, which is not healthy. we are definitely staying friends. there is such a bond and such history between us, and dare i say, we may make better friends than lovers. it still hurts, though. i've been bawling my eyes out like crazy all day. we're living together right now, but he might move out and go back to michigan in a few months. *le sigh* i will miss that boy so much. i'm still effing CRAZY about him, so it's going to be a long road to my happiness. i took off my ring and gave it back to him, but he told me he wants me to hang onto it. i think it may have really hit him hard to see me take it off and directly hand it to him...i put it away so i wouldn't have to look at it. i took down all the lovey-dovey pics of us hanging around the house, too. i've been through enough hard breakups to know that it will only make me cry more to see those pictures every day. i told him i would miss his snoring and his belly-button lint. i will really miss his smell...he smells so good. i don't really need advice or anything, i just wanted to vent. i'm very depressed right now. i need a lapdance.
wow i'm sorry i really hope it's for the best and that you two become happy soon. are you still going to try to be friends?
yeah, we've been best friends since we got together. that kid knows more about me than anyone in my life...it might not be easy at first, but we both believe that we will be friends forever. he'll always have a special place in my heart.
*bump bump* a mini-update. yesterday it was a fresh wound, so i spent the whole day in my jammies crying my eyes out. i tried to eat, but it's impossible to eat when you can't stop crying. i talked to my closest girlfriend, and to one of my sisters on the phone. i kept saying the same shit over and over again. i was insane for a day. i threw random objects around the livingroom (pillows and soft stuff, nothing destructive) ranting about how my life is shit and i hate my life and i want to die and nothing works out and all that other self-pitying bullshit...i went for a couple of walks, each pretty short in duration. all i saw were cute couples holding hands (EXTREMELY irritating and not helpful) but i had to go for a walk because if i even LOOKED at dario, i started bawling. he was just as much a mess as i was. since he works third shifts he sleeps during the day, and when he went to bed, all i could hear was him crying i know he and i are equally torn up inside about this. but we also know it's better we ended it now before it got to a point where we didn't have ANY love left for each other... i keep saying "ending." we're still going to talk/communicate/keep in touch no matter where we each end up. our relationship didn't end, it just changed. our sex life was shit, our communication was shit, and we were just getting more and more platonic as time went on, so why force something that isn't there anymore? we are going to be platonic from now on........ but i still want to do all those things that are reserved for a "significant other". i want to pinch his cute butt, kiss him deeply, make love with him, etc. i'm just so scared that if we started having sex again that it would cut too deep when we do separate and go on our separate paths eventually. i'm most likely leaving this shithole town, and so is he. he's probably going up north to michigan or canada with friends, and i'm most likely going out west. we're going to be living really far away from each other and living totally separate lives.....thank god that he's impecible about keeping in touch with good friends via the internet and phone. he's excellent about that. i'm not worried about that at all...i'm pretty sure we'll always keep in touch and update each other on our lives. it'll be different, but it'll be good in the long run. dario is my best friend. he is a soul mate, but he isn't the one. that's okay because i've learned a lot and this is the first relationship i've ever been in where i was truly, deeply, and tenderly loved by another...he proved to me that good people do exist out there in the chasm, and that i am a person worthy of all the love in the world. but i'm still sad. *sigh* but i won't be sad forever. i want to move out west because my parents own the house we're renting from them, and they will be more controlling once dario moves. they will want me to get a roommate, which i DO NOT want. so i'll probably rent a smaller apartment to myself until i can move somewhere else. or i'll beg them to lower my rent so i can live alone. i want SOLITUDE, not a roommate who leaves dirty dishes and has obnoxious people over, or a smelly butt. totally different issue altogether, but i'll be damned if my folks tell me who i can and can't live with. the only person i want to live with is my cat, sofie. she is my roommate. she pays her rent with cuteness and snuggling.
Hey sweetie, I'm sorry to hear you had a crappy day. It seems to me though you have a pretty good head on your shoulders and you really are coming out of this slowly but surely. I couldn't help but wonder though, and please please do not take this the wrong way because I only know a tiny amount of what is going on between the two of you. But maybe if you are really both so upset and you want to do all of those things with him, kiss him deeply and make love, and such maybe you really should be together. I don't know like I said, there very well could be more to it. But you said your problems were communication and sex. Those are very easy to work on and develop better skills at together. Sometimes we have to consider losing someone we love before we realize just how deeply we love them. I don't know, I just recently learned from my boyfriend that ending a relationship isn't always the best answer. Trying to work through problems together sometimes is. I'm sure you guys talked about this though when making your decision. Guess I'm just a hopeless romantic and I want you to stop crying. Feel free to pm me if you want. I'll find silly jokes to cheer you up. hehehe.
cutelildeadbear, it was sweet what you said, but i can't think about that right now. we are not dismissing the possibility of ANYTHING that might happen in the future, but we feel that we both really need this right now. it's not easy and it's not fun, but we feel in the long run that this might be the best decision right now. i'm not going to think about the future right now. i'm going to focus on now, focus on healing, focus on getting happy again. we're going to have fun together and be good friends right now instead of being relationshippy. we both feel that's what we truly need, and we're okay with that...well, as okay as we can be. thanks for the loving messages everyone. it helps me feel better to post on this forum...everyone is so kind i am in a better mood today because a good friend rescued me after work and took me for a couple drinks and we just had a really nice time. my cat is demanding snuggles, so i must go. ciao!
i know that dealing with your future living situation isn't exactly what you are looking to do right now... but i thought that maybe having a more positive outlook about roommates and an open mind about the future might help you feel better. having a roommate doesn't mean you can't live in solitude.. not everyone leaves dirty dishes laying out, or has loud friends over, or whatever. you've just gotta keep a positive outlook on the whole thing. interview people really closely, and be super selective about who you choose. call potential roommates current/past roomies and check to see if they are loud or sloppy or pay bills on time, etc. if you hang up flyers or post an ad somewhere, make sure to mention that you're looking for certain characteristics in a roommate. and if you hang up flyers, put them in places where people you'd like to live with might frequent... avoid hanging them in the campus bar or something. it might not hurt to have a trial run with the new roommate. you could spend a decent amount of time together to make sure you'd be compatible, or you could make a short-term lease which you extend if things look good. you never know, you might end up making a really good friend! why are you so set against having a roommate in the future? i just wouldn't recommend ruling anything out instantly.. especially considering your situation, where you've been living with your boyfriend for a while. being newly single, it's good to have a buddy around, and it keeps you from becoming a reculse (i'm not saying you're reclusive, just that it's easy to become that way and distant when you spend most of your time alone.. now is not the ideal time for that). be open to what comes your way. cheesy and cliche as it is, you never know what's coming your way in the future... no need to close the door before opportunity knocks.
