I don't want to sound easy or the like... But, how many of you [women] have tried the whole friends with benefits scenario? Did it work out for you, or was it hard? Did you become emotionally attached in any way and end up hurting? There's this guy, that I've had a sort of attraction to since I was about 15, and as of recently, I'm really starting to like him... however, we seem to be on this whole friends with benefits idea... or anyway, I get the impression from him, that that may be all he wants with me [though I'm not sure if that's it]--- My question is... what are your opinions on the whole idea? Is it too difficult for what it's worth? To me, it seemed like an okay idea as I have just gotten out of a long term relationship, and I'm a bit afraid of committment and what not ... But, in reality I wonder, will it only end up hurting me in the end? Opinions please, and I'd like to get an array of them as well... I want to look at this from every angle, and weigh out the pros and cons and what not.
it seems you're already attached, and he's not. nor is he likely to become attached, to be honest. you just can't help that sort of thing. the whole fuck-buddies thing only works with a fairly equal degree of disattachment. i'll never be the one to discourage someone from good sex, but it sounds to me like you're on the road to getting hurt.
ive done that before BUT never with a guy that i actually had feelings for. and i knew that they were also not someone that i would end up with feeling for. I can always tell right away pretty much if i am going to fall for someone and it doesnt happen often. so ....things went ok. but you also have to decifer if this person really is your "friend" or if he just wants to use you for sex. that may be ok with you, but personally i'd prefer to be with someone i knew was a real friend....ive been disapointed in that area. my opinon is that if you truely have real feelings for him your feelings will only intensify with a sexual relationship and it doesnt sound that he feels the same. ive never heard of a guy with actual feelings for a girl opt for the "friends" with benefits...."friends" being the key word. good luck whatever you decide to do though.
It depends. If you want more then don't do the friends with benefits thing as it IS a physical attraction, nothing else. And the same goes for him, it works if maybe both of you just don't 'click' but still really fancy each other, physically. But if one of you wants more and the other doesn't, it really is just setting yourself up to get hurt. Aside from the emotional aspect, if you're ok with meeting up and immediatly having sex with this guy, thats fine. But if you want walks in the park, romantic dinners, and such, don't do it because its not about that. Also, the downside with friends with benefits is that you can both still sleep with other people, so if the condom breaks or something, you have no idea what you could be catching. I think its an ok scenario, but it all depends on your emotions, like how you feel about that person. The upside, is that its like you can phone him up and get it lol! You don't have the relationship difficulties, the jealously, nothing like that. Its pretty much wham-bam-thankyou ma'm!
it's very refreshing and freeing, that sort of arrangement, when you can do it right. something for a particular period in your life when you're not ready or willing to have a relationship, but still have physical needs. the neat part about that for me was that it enabled me to make sensible decisions about starting a new relationships without the need for physical closeness ruling my choices. i was able to pick out a really awesome man simply because i wasn't just looking for someone to hold me, i was looking for a partner.
Yeah we're friends, there's no doubt about that.... Meh. I think I'm going to talk to him. I really have no idea where we stand on this issue to tell you the truth.
I've found that it doesn't work too well. Some one seems to end up being too emotionally involved. But, if you can work it out and stay dettached, go for it. Ask yourself if you would be comfortable with him being with someone else, too. Could you handle him having other "friends with benefits"?
yeah i was there at one point in my life. but i was young, and didnt know what i really wanted. its hard to separate the two, love and lust...i thought i was only in lust with my friend, but i was actually really into him...the problem was it wasnt reciprocal. It hurt a bit, but helped me realise i could do better. i kind of was in a similar situation not long ago, with a friend who i really like, but same thing again, the feeling is not reciprocal. wtf? am i destined to be all alone???? LOL!! i say go if you are ok with the "just sex" part. stop if you have feelings for your "friend".
ok ...ive been through all this and doesnt necessarily have to end so messy or painful so a couple years ago i had just gotten out of a relationship i was in love for the first time and was dumped the first time...and only still....in my life. hurt like hell yes. so i decided i would b single for a very very long time...yea it was a while but not as long as i expected. just barely a year. anywho i started to see guys hang out and what not...but i did not have sex or sexual interaction with all the guys i hung out with. it doesnt necessarily have to be about that all the time even tho it does a lot ...eh. but anywho i let them all know from the start i did not want a relationship. and so it worked nicely from that. anywho so me and this guy that i had known in high school and he had liked me before started talkin a couple months after i was single...and he remained this constant guy through my singlehood...we didn't think we would ever date so we made this agreement to have our own thing and still be cool with seeing each other. we both really liked each other, but due to family issues, we thought it would never work together. so we decided we would avoid love as much as we could...and just stay cool the way we were. well we did end up fallin in love not long after we started talkin...try a couple months. hah anyhow...so we made an agreement to stay the way we were...and always stay together like that until someone else split us in marriage or a committed relationship. now that i think of it that would b almost impossible to happen...but anywho. we talked for 10 months. we fell more in love with each other...and got jealous of hangin out with other people...but didn't show it. just acted like everything was cool the way it was. and really i thought our agreement was really cool but we did end up dating because it just simply became rediculous not to date when we were so in love. and now we have been dating almost a year. but the point is uncommitted relationships do not have to be so risky and uncontrolled and painful as they come across. the key is communication. make it known what the situation is. what are ya'll cool with...what are ya'll feeling...what are your plans and goals. stuff like that. i mean it doesnt have to be a contract or anything ya know! haha just a verbal agreement. and that should work and reduce the number of awkward or painful situations you may run into
yeah thank you PrincessJewel, actually I am talking to him about the whole thing.... I'll fill you in when I find out what it is that he thinks of the whole idea
well... i had the whole fuck-buddy thing a while ago... and it actually worked out pretty well... it was kinda... odd though. sometimes a bit awkward if we hung out like with other people together, outside the bedroom..... that was the only problem though.... personally, i would say go for it, mama! P.S. you are absolutely beautiful! i love your signature picture!
thanks guys, everything is working out for the better... i'm going to leave it at that. we're becoming really good friends before taking it a step further yet again. And thanks peacelovebarefeet, you're too cute!!!!!
