I think I'm going to start putting all my stuff in one thread. I'll start out with some that I've already posted, for history's sake. Omniscient Back when pure bliss was all we felt That was the one emotion we considered real. But now it's started to rain just hard enough For the droplets to break through my roof And as you, you who've always sang in storms Play your tunes today, I can finally relate, finally translate The words I've ignored for so long. So let me sing along, stormworn singer 'Cause now I understand what you meant. Feeling your words, I must wonder how You carry on with your mind omniscient. Because now I know all about All the warm fires that've been put out How I was lucky to avoid ice for so long How those sitting behind walls with blinds down Can't possibly hope to stop the rain from falling. And when you're finally flooded, you'll be pounding on doors But the people inside won't hear you Behind their bubble gum headphones. So let me sing along, stormworn wailer 'Cause now I understand what you meant Feeling your words, I must wonder how You carry on with your mind omniscient. Ink When I witnessed the water freeze I knew I could melt it back And when I breathed that simple breath I felt the coming exhale. Dust can be blown away The kingdoms all fall one day But my ink-paved path is forever dry. Trying to grab the stones I've thrown And force them back in through the door But you cannot catch the bird that's flown. The things you drop may tumble away But they will always be seen as a look in your eye. Tired of driving down that road You find yourself farther away from your wheels But what marks did you make when all was close? Stop anytime, it's all paved down For rain to never wash away. The tree is chopped and you've closed the case This ink is down, you cannot erase.
Here's two other old ones: Ready to Come Downstairs I've turned the edges to curves I've decorated my roof with stars Never had to escape from behind any bars And being freed from all of these cares I think I'm ready to come downstairs. I've played all the instruments, even though My lips were sealed shut, my hands lost in a void And meaningless were all the things, the many things I'd employed And after all the facts became many as hairs They fell silent, and I was ready to come downstairs. Never needed a parachute Never needed one at all Turns out we have wings to save our falls. And after landing here, and feeling you there I guess I'm ready to come downstairs. Truth by the Night Made my way to every single holy land Tyring to find which of my eyes has sight But no one ever tells me anything right. 'Cause every night I looked up at the sky The stars made me think I could close my eyes But it's just truth by the night And every morning I'm wonderin again. Just like the bats waiting out the day inside their cave I got faith in the moon, but doubt in the sun. Stop blinding me and let me be done 'Cause all I want is a sight that will last But burning words are spoken, and I'm off your path. It's always truth by the night And in the morning I'm wonderin again. I thought I believed, and at sometime I did But when the pillow's softess left my head I just couldn't believe what they had said. All values I had were stricken and shed I guess I never met whoever I wed. Simply truth by the night Every morning I wonder again.
man, i missed these the first time around (i think) so I'm glad you posted them. You're really very good, excellent poems man.
Cadellos The stilling of our suspending air Surely we can no longer keep afloat. Do you think we were wise to trust in the haze? Because now these mothering clouds are changing to grey And all the light in Olympus is being stricken away Demons fill our sheltered day. But she looked so stay and alone Who could abandon this little lost bird? Only the cold itself could survive this icy creature. This creature that covered its shelter in frost Transforming between the frozen doors. The hitchiker takes the seat of your car You know not where you're going now. Three flights with your wings, and you must fall Three lives of home, now shut out, a stray Glimpse of compassion, then it's time to pay To Cadellos' puppet you couldn't resist.
Lifetime Sleeping Aid The wind of my breath as I sigh away my air Supplies enough force to move me where I see myself going And I lose interest in worrying about how I fare In this little room, where my shoes need not come on. I leaped into bed, but my heart was beating Too fast to ignore. So I sat up all night, counting my fingers I hoped to count past four. I wanted to be cast a role But the producer stole my script The audience doesn't want to hear the singing of a troll And no stage or costume could save my voice. So there I sat and looked out at my curtained future The sole indention on an elastic floor So I continue to stay up and count my fingers Marvelling that I ever count past four.
The Dryad and the Swimmer Dryad landing in the water Fleeing from the cylinder winds That drove her out of moonlit kingdom And where else could she fly But a world of sun? The roses were breaking through the soil She was never used to seeing their faces. She plucks one up and sniffs its scents That was the first of many hints Of a surrounding charisma flowing past and through her Never to sleep or fade away. Swimming down beneath her wet heavy wings Swims a man who never truly felt this current He notions at the thunder beyond, and gives a speech Of the land he wishes to somehow reach A pair of wings could get him there, "Come on child, dry yourself off." And since the clouds continue to disappear They search on forever and never come near The charisma in the wind never faded or died But this way of being gave her something to hide.
Shake the Dew I'll start singing when the sunrise is finally proved I'll start singing 'cause there's nothin my voice can lose I'll start singing when the others start too I'll start singing and make it shake the dew. I wanna be with you when we wake the hills up I wanna know a song that can't be sung twice Lyrical jam, and the words will be forgotten But the spirit will be well worn. I'll start singing if it wakes up every who I'll start singing if it's all I'll ever do. We can sing to shake the dew.
The roses were breaking through the soil She was never used to seeing their faces. I like this... it makes me think of a translation from another language. I leaped into bed, but my heart was beating Too fast to ignore. So I sat up all night, counting my fingers that's a very powerful image! Three flights with your wings, and you must fall Three lives of home, now shut out, a stray You use numbers to great effect - they add amazing weight. But now it's started to rain just hard enough For the droplets to break through my roof ... And now I know all about All the warm fires that've been put out ... And when you're finally flooded, you'll be pounding on doors Great symbolism! I love how your images unify. There are parts of all of your poems that are very effective, mainly your imagery, but other parts are cluttered with unecessary language. My advice to you is to revise your poetry more critically, considering each word, line, and stanza in relation with the whole poem. Dilligent revisions lead to a more mature, effective type of poetry. You have the talent and imagination, so maybe it's time for you to take the next step.
thanks major p, for your kind comments and helpful advice. i greatly appreciate you taking the time to read my poems and give some feedback on them.
Wet Ground Life Somewhere on your mute-life plane You smoke the crab out of its hole in the sand You'll spead your butter until it's a coat upon the land. Dry leaves rustle an answer to your every move But you never listen to your only wise reply. Similar to a shirt tucked in Always nodding to mantain your perfect circle road In the center there lies a rose But you can't turn and travel its way That would create places you need to turn And moments where you could fall. That would be gravity on your stolen smiles and ego's charity. When I fall, my back is a walkway along which they skip Burn the bannana trees and they'll never face a slip Keep in your chair, the ground is fresh from rain.
Soaked in Other Seas Caught in the crossing Of two churning purgatories, we find Yins and Yangs are multiplied Looking for a place to rest and reside Within this single neon flake. A shred of paper floating along the edges Of the veil, expanding and contracting With mantra breaths that raise all blades of grass. For a moment of communal floatation, grounds and skies are lost And then the ritual places me again between the roar and rumble. Engendering dayly this passion of the fine line Birds are perched and see both sides Taste touches its tongue upon all things soaked In other seas, blown by any winds. Past the leaves, the boundaries Float internal in all purgatories.
Ka Ka, I sometimes worry you are dripping slowly from my fingers. It scares me, it makes me wonder if I'm turning into an icicle. Ka, should I see the plastic surgeon So my outside will match your blazing hotness? Or should I just get fatter So that I may hope to contain you? Ka, occasionally I feel you but usually it seems you've left me. Maybe I should quit working? Drop out of high school? Would that make your inferno ever more present? Ka, I often see you burning inside others It makes me jealous. Fire spreads, can you not encompass us all at once? Perhaps I don't know your nature well enough. I guess I need to express you in a different way. It's an interesting choice...But I have an idea or two. Ka, do I need to be myself in order to summon you? Am I someone else when you're not here? Are you a drug? Should I be afraid of you? It seems you bring me to alternate states of conciousness and bliss. Ka, you should probably be illegal. But if I do seek you, should I search in the bottle? Please don't tell me needle, I'm afraid of those. Perhaps I should be a parasite to others who possess you? Ka, would it make sense to be against abortion? If I eat right and excercise, will I get more of you? Ka, I watched the Cirque du Soleil about you. It didn't do much for me (in terms of you). Ka, I enter the new day and you're still not here I'll spend my life in a fire place just waiting to catch a light.
Number One I glance at the man beside me I recall when he was at the top I recall when he was all the talk. I still remember when they wrote the revolution song Roaring out against the shortage. Now he wishes we lose it all again So that his cry would be talked of again. And the people who've always eaten Their fully-topped sundaes Want to hear his bluesy beat again. Number one among all women and men But number one is a seat made of tin. Next stand the familiars Those who I've known for so long. Never a glance or comment Their melodies have stayed the same. Never been to number one Never had any sand to be done Never loved by the women and men Never fallen from the seat of tin.
Ancient Inquiry All lost to the serpent at the bottom of the well The man shouted out "However?" to the ferryman And so it was carried up, layer to layer in the atmosphere And there it hangs in wringing tension to this day Waiting for an answer from the camoflaged doorway. We hear feet splashing in the puddles locked away, Dogs scratch at the door hoping the sound will turn to vision. The floor was covered in dust as he stepped through His name was asked and noted down. He watched the crown he thought was grand Being passed through the aisles To the next man who still worked with hope in his heart. Dreaming of the stars being scattered as answers are revealed The mountain flattening once again Then the peak-dwelling hermit would live among us As it used to be before towers were raised around the ellipsis. But this king too must wear and pass Like the millions before and millions to come. The watery passage is equally spaced From the lives of us all, willing or weaping, blessed or bleeding. They look up and see the ancient inquiry blurring Remaining for the next empires to rise and fall Underneath the essential query of our kind.
Brushed The wind has fallen too weak To send me where I shoud be blown. Seven days on a path of pitch Can you tell me if this is my gate? Can I even tell calm air from a wall? When I exited, the night dazed my mind I fell before the scorpions could question my strength. The mice scurried along my pages on the floor Along my journals written with a doubt in my hands. I awoke in the morning of immortality Checked to see if this waking immortal was me. I looked back at my journey, I looked back at the pitch That's where my missing necklace must now lie And who am I beyond that pendant? And as I sit, carved out in my stone Some unfamilair wind blows by me... This isn't the lifetime? These aren't our gardens! All I've passed have rubbed off on me Now I'm not me for eternity.
The Starfish The place where she lives Is drifting from her fingers Nothing in her hair that won't turn it grey. Tries to help the world, she wants to do some good Day after day she waits For a single bird to come to her feeder. Counting on her starfish To play her little northstar But nothings gonna change When she churns the water again. She just wonders where. Doesn't know the dusk, despite The wind chimes by her bed. Thinks she's known a city But the air-filter scattes her thoughts again. Until she can't even remember Where she ever wanted to go, Never making her way To the brooding silhouette on the mountaintop. She cries as this plane flies on by And nothing ever changes for this lost little girl When she churns the water again and again.
ohh, i really liked the feel of this last one... total despair but I can see the truth in it all. I like the line "but the air-filter scatters her thoughts again". just when you think you know a city, heh, very nice man. I liked it
haha, wow! I think the starfish is a big improvement! there are still some spots, like "no birds come to her feeder" and "still she puts it all on the starfish" that could use some more consideration on how to make them stronger, but overall, your imagry is great. the first three lines are a beautiful hook. the third stanza is also very beautiful. sometimes you have great balance, mostly within stanzas -- you might try recreating that balance in the entire poem. still work on looking at the big picture. also think about whether you want (or whether you need) that repitition in the mix -- repeating lines can be a good effect, but sometimes it can bog a poem down. you have a fine instinct! I love your poetry more than many people's -- what really appeals to me is your tenderness, and, of course, your beautiful imagery. keep on growing!
