Sacrificed my wandering ways to repectably raise a family

Are there any other women out there who have the gypsy spirit, but when it came down to babies and children, went back home to where you were raised to be close to your extended family? That's what I did. After my first child Elijah was born, I really tried to get into being "normal." Apartment, job, car, bills, the whole thing. The problem was that I had just come from living in the woods with the rainbow family; singing and dancing beneath the stars every night, feeling fulfilled by the rhythms of the rocks, the trees, and the streams.

I did what was expected of me by my family, returning to Mass. for three and a half years, and tried to put that life behind me. I know some hippy moms take their kids on the road with them, but that was out of the question for me. The problem was that everywhere I looked, it seemed to me that there were signs all around, pointing me back to an unfinished spiritual business having to do with being a light in the darkness, an open channel, lending my voice to harmonic co-creation in order to raise the vibration of the Earth. I felt that I was turning my back on my higher purpose. I love my kids, but I was plagued with feelings of "what if." What if I was missing out on being a force for great change? What if I were giving up Majesty and Glory in exchange for mediocraty and respectability? It nearly drove me to tears every day.
Then finally, one day I just couldn't fight the urge anymore. I brought my son over to my mother's house and told her I was taking off for awhile and I didn't know when I was coming back.
Now please don't write to me telling me how awful I am for abandoning my child like that. Believe me, I've experienced more than enough guilt over that, to last a lifetime.
Well, I ended up being gone for three months, and then my boyfriend, who had accompanied me, jumped off an 80 foot cliff, landed wrong in the water, and ended up with a broken T-12 Vertabrae. After 2 weeks and 2 operations in a Ventura area hospital, we caught a flight home to Mass, and began to build our lives over again.
My son and I loved each other just as much as ever, happy to be together again. On the other hand, I couldn't bear to face my family. There was no way that I could explain to them, in any way that they would be able to understand, what had motivated me to do what I did. So I just let time go by and hoped one day we could begin to reconcile.
Well it's been over a year since I've been home now. My boyfriend's back is all healed up, my son Elijah Journey is now in kindergarten, and I have a new baby girl named Summer Rose. I'm starting to see my family again, and I'm seriously thinking about what kind of work I want to pursue. I don't really have those intense feelings of wanderlust anymore, although sometimes I do feel sad about the freedom I have given up.
Basically I've written this to find out if any other women have ever had similar experiences. Has anyone else been tortured by those intense yearnings? And if you have, what did YOU do about them? Thanks for reading this, I know it turned out to be a long story. Many Blessings to you and yours ~ gypsysoul

 

I Am A Single Father Raising My Kids Whille My Lil Lady Sits In Prison For Crimes Committed Before Me ... And I Have Theese Yearnings To Travel"that Lil Piece Of Hair On The Back Of Ur Head That Sticks Up And Says We Gotta Go" And Recently I Told My Mom And Dad That I Had To Go Home To See My Rainbow Family ...i Did I Hitchhikes 6 Houres Away To Ithica Stayed At Rainbow Gathering A Couple Weeks And Hiked Home Was Only Gone Like 4 Weeks But It Sure Felt Good To Get Some Of That Outta My Systom...my Family Respects Me For That And I Would Hope If U Explained That To Ur Family They Would Understand My Children Were 6 Monthes And 18 Monthes...but I Found Myself Wishing My Children Were With Me I Felt Asthough They Were Missing Out On Some Great Thing .that Cant Be Explained Now My Lil Lady She Did Not Understand And Gives Me Grief I Wish There Was A Way To Make Her Understand...but I Was A Gypsy Traveler Before Her And Gave That All Up For My Familly She Gets Out On December 15 And I Hope To Get Her And The Kids On The Road Traveling Im Just Not Happy With "normal Life" Its Not For Me And I Wish I Knew How To Make Her Understand..not Mutch Advice Here Except Mabe Share Your Expierences With Ur Familly And Hophally They Can Understand Ur Decisions Follow Your Heart Sistah.....i Think We All Need To Find Our Own Special Place On This Planet And We Will Not Be Truley Happy I Do Not Yet Know Where My Special Place Is Do U...i Just Know Who That Person Im Supposed To Share It With Is......but I Understand Where U Are Comeing From And Wish U The Best Of Luck
I Hope This Helped U Out In Some Way
Yours Truley
Tattoo

 

i think everyone has those feelings to an extent. and most put them on hold for one reason or another. why do you think you see so many retirees touring the country in their winnebagos?

i can say as a navy brat that the moving all the time didn't kill me, but i've always had a hard time truly attaching to people in any meaningful way. it's something that many of us ex-brats suffer. a little time stationary won't hurt you or your kids. but moving about won't kill them, either.

 

yeah, camping is a way of life for us.

 

I yearn to get away and experience the world, be a gypsy, be a law unto myself and all that. But I have responsibilities and I have to face up to them. Maybe one day I'll be able to do what I want, I'm sacrificing MY dreams for love, pure and simple.... Though somedays I feel like screaming and running away without out a word to my family. On those days I'm prone to crying! Sometimes it aches inside me so bad, the only way I can describe it is being addicted to a drug but not getting it. Does that make any sense? I feel jittery and restless, can see all the injustices and I want to get away from it all.
I envy you Katiegirl - you've been able to do it, and you'll probably do it again

 

Listen, Lazuli Blue, I DO know what that feels like, and it can be agonizing. But what I didn't tell you in my first post, was that when I took off and traveled, leaving my family behind, I didn't really find the magic and freedom that I was looking for. Thinking about my son occupied alot of my time, and the serendipitous meetings and occasions that I had anticipated, never really came about. I ended up realizing that even though I wanted to be out there living it up, that portion of my solo lifestyle was over. As for you, perhaps you could try and work out some weekend excursions. Camping, Festivals, Retreats. Like DrumminMama said, find something for you so that you can recharge your batteries once and a while. If you don't have kids and you're feeling those feelings, I urge you to follow your heart. So often in relationships, we feel like we owe our partners something, and so we stay even though they don't share our dreams.Often times in those cases they tend to belittle our dreams in efforts to make us conform to their wishes and expectations. I have found, that when you find the strength to venture out on your own, you find a life full of magic and fulfillment, and often end up meeting a person who becomes your friend and lover. So whatever the case, I wish you well.

 

Katiegirl, I don't have much to say, but that I loved reading your posts...I don't have kids, and all the good suggestions have been given anyway, even if I did, but I want you to know that I support your journey. You seem like a very loving mom who cares enough about her son and herself to explore what will work, both for the son, and for her. I think it is important to invest in ourselves as well as our children (talking from complete inexperience here!) evn though it can be hard. The kids learn well from a strong mom who has the courage to be herself...they learn that they can take on big responsibilites (like child rearing), and still have the strength to be who they are. Good luck in all you do!

 

I know how you feel... I've always had this urge in me to travel, to leave, to live off the earth. I had my kids young. My first came at 17 and my second at 18. I care for them without their father's help. Last year I finally got that chance. We packed everything up and left. My boyfriend at the time was not ready for the full time responsibility of childern (I didn't realize it at the time, hes a good guy though. I still care alot about him, it wasn't his fault!) and we ended up having problems so things became less stable. We ended up having a hard time on the road but they were always loved, fed, warm and safe. I loved it more than anything. I was never happier or more at peace with life. My childern I felt even seemed to feel that way. Around december I talked my mom into watching my kids for me so I could head back to Ocala (where we were before hand). I left them for 2 weeks... Biggest mistake ever made... I was planning on staying longer but life felt empty without them. Though I loved and enjoyed the free time I've never really had in life before I couldn't help but realize that my life wasn't full without them. I called my mom one day and found out my oldest had something wrong with him and I needed to come home immediately. All I could think about on the way back up was that I messed up bad and he was seriously hurt. Nothing horrible it turned out but I'm glad I left then and returned to my heart, my childern. I still miss being out, I still miss traveling now and some days are rough. I just keep thinking for the time being, while they are young this is what has to be done. Maybe when they are older we can all return to that life. If they choose not to then I can wait until they are grown. No matter what though I keep finding it hard for me to keep a job. I really hate stable life. I get depressed and break down. I feel like I can't make it here. I keep trying though. I have a wonderful man in my life now who cares for my kids like his own. We are expecting our first together and plan to marry next fall. He would love to travel so having that in the future seems possible. I don't mind having a home at all its just work that kills me. I think for myself and my own sanity I need to go to school to do something I enjoy or I'll never be happy. whew, rambling now. Nice to talk to others that feel this way!