Hi, I hardly ever post here but am in a really scary situation and am in desperate need of advice and support. I just found out last week that I am pregnant. I had been thinking in the back of my mind for the past few weeks that I could have been but I took a home pregnancy test in early August and it came out negative. I finally mustered the strengh to take another test last week and it instantly came out positive. Since then my life feels like It's turned into a nightmare! When I told my husband the test was positive he went ballistic and told me that we couldn't afford to take care of another baby and that the only choice would be abortion. When I went for my first doctors appointment yesterday the doctor who checked me said I felt between 8-10 weeks but because of my negative test in August decided to have me go for an ultrasound to check my due date. As soon as I heard the heartbeat and saw how well developed the baby was I knew that abortion was out of the question. I measured 11 weeks 1 day. When I told my husband I just could not go through with abortion and that I wanted to have the baby he went crazy! He has only been back in college for a year and he fought his way back. He would still have two full years left by the time the baby is born. He is convinced that it would be impossible for us to support a family of four unless he drops out of school and takes on two full-time jobs. I don't know how I would work after the baby comes beause we can't even afford to put our two year old in daycare now. My Mom is the only family member living near by who doesn't work and she complains about watching our dauther just one day a week! To make things even more complicated I had a high risk pregnancy with my daughter and went into labor and delivered at 27 weeks. We are so lucky that she is perfectly healthy now, but I already have a 20% chance of delivering early again. And if any complications did arise I would be put on strict bed rest until the baby is born. I really feel like I'm the only one who is fighting for this baby. Any advice would be much appreciated! Thanks for letting me vent!
I don't know what kind of financial aides are available in your country, but no matter how broke you are, that should be no excuse for your husband to force you into abortion. Do not do the abortion if you youself feel that it is ok. You will have to live with that decision your life long, and it can be extremely difficult when it was not your choice.
First of all, tell your husband if he didn't have unprotected sex, then this wouldnt have happened. He needs to realize that children dont just happen. I know it's hard when you are trying to get your life straight and then you end up getting pregnant again. I am in the same situation. My daughter is 3 and my next baby is due in 2 weeks, and we live just on my boyfriends income(which isn't a whole lot). You really should check into getting some help from the county you live in. I dont know how it works where you live, but if you make under a certain amount of money, you can get daycare help, food stamps, WIC ect. And you can pay as little as $20.00 a month for daycare. Plus they might have it set up to where you can actually get money for your mom to watch your daughter, thats how it is in Ohio. Also with him being in school that will help a lot too. Don't be too proud and not accept help. If you qualify, then you have a right to it. If you want this baby, then fight for it! He has no right to make you do anything you don't want to. I wish you all the best!!!!!!
First of all, you tell your husband it takes TWO to tango. He's in this too, rather he wants it or not, and he should be supportive of you and your choice because YOU'RE the one that has to watch your diet, stress level, and the development of your baby. Second of all, there are tons of aid that can come your way if you just apply for them. And because your husband is in college, most places will work with you to help you out. Most agencies realise how important education is to families that want to support themselves. Apply for every type of aid, even if you don't think you qualify. Ask for help from friends, find a parenting support group, join free-cycle for your area, check out books and research how you can save money while buying enough groceries for your family to eat WELL. You CAN do it. Don't feel alone. You have support, even if you can't see us! **HUGS**
Aww sweetie, first off, I want to offer you a huge hug. Secondly, you need to check into what programs are available financially to help you and your family. There are many out there that I am sure you would qualify for given the circumstances. You know in your heart that you want this baby. Your husband needs to accept that fact, act like a man and deal. Gather all of the information you can about financial assistance and go over it with him. Knowing that all of it won't rest entirely on his shoulders and that there IS help out there may calm his whirl-wind of emotions and give him more confidence to accept what it happening. You will be in my thoughts! Many, many hugs, and much love to you...
ok he can go to school i have two kids my partner has been going to school since our daughter who is 6 was born he is now working on his masters. no it isnt easy, no it fucking sucks but it can happen, so tell him to stop whinning. secondly get all the resources you can look up 211 online for food stamps maybe fincial help, he can get finacial aid at school, loans all of that. it will be ok. our higher power never gives us more then we can handle.
hey mama, we have daycare assistance here who helps mamas who want to work but cant aford daycare, i think my co-pay was just $80 a month for lilly to go to a great pre-school, it also pays for daycare for full time students. contach your local dept. of social services and ask about daycare assistance once the baby is here if you are up to working..... there is always a way to "make it" in this world and i cant beleive your husband wold tell you to get an abortion because you "can't afford" a baby, maybe it was just a spur of the moment asshole comment and he wasnt thinking (i hope so), i am sure you guys could manage untill he gets out of school........
Well i fell pregnant when i was in my late 14, and i completely relate to the presure from the father, it can be completely heart brakeing, and it is never fair on anyone to have the decision of having an abortion made for them. My ex-boyfriend said that if i didnt get the abortion that he would kill himself, and naturally i was still in love with him so i went through with it because i even though i wanted the baby so much, i still loved him. After the abortion he told me to piss off and that he hated me. Then i gained an infection from the abortion so i will probably be unable to have children when i am at a suitable age in the future. Well really the decision is up to you, but you have to appreciate that you do already have children to love and care for so you should be really greatful for that and your finacial situation isnt really the best at the moment so having it would be very hard. However dont let what anyone says dictate how you truely feel in your heart, because even though it may be harder to have the child, there is no feeling worst then regret... Goodluck, i hope you find the right answer.
well at the end of the day your goverment etc. wont let all of you starve so they will cough up a bit of money etc. there has to be some kind of aid or something they can give you. Your husband is a prick for saying that you have to get a abortion and going crazy at you - there is no need for it at all. do what you want to do, if you want to keep your baby then do, if you want to have abortion fair enough, people cope is worse situations than this, and come out smiling. good luck - keep us informed xXx
There are programs that will pay for your man to go to college because he is a daddy, Pell grants I think, or something like that.
Just an update on how things are going, first off I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for all the kind words and wonderful advice . It put a smile on my face and give me hope when things were really low.... I'm so happy to tell everyone that my husband and I have worked things out and are going to have the baby. I ended up getting a ton of support from of all people, my mother in-law, we haven't had the best relationship in the past but she really was on my side for this one and she was the only one who could talk some sense into my husband. He's been very sweet and attentive ever since. So I'm looking forward to a happy and hopefully full-term pregnancy this time! Thanks again and I will be sure to keep you posted on how the pregnancy goes.
