hi everybody. i'm wondering if there's any advice anyone could give. i've been with my girlfriend for almost two years now, and we live together near the school we go to. i'm worried though, because i really don't want to go out with her anymore. i'm wondering if anyone has some calm, non-judgmental advice for someone in my situation. i know i made a horrible mistake signing the lease, but knowing that doesn't help either of us. i care about her as a person, and i'm willing to take some time, and be patient through some suffering...i would ask you, please, if you have advice, please try not to be judgmental, because anything harsh you could say...don't worry, i'm telling it all to myself as we speak, and i really feel like more open judgment would just reiterate what i've been feeling and make it harder to think rationally. if you think i'm a fool, you can talk about me behind my back my question to myself (and to anyone who can help) is where do i go from here? i'm scared. here's some logistical things. we have a lease until next august, and we're allowed to sublet. she has been investigating co-ops at different schools, but she would prefer to stay in this area and live with me. if she doesn't find anything interesting around here, she says she'd go to another city for a semester, and i could live here by myself (that would be wonderful for me.) one thing is, i don't know how to discuss the co-op issue with her, since things have been tense as it is, and she might pick up on the fact that i'm trying to get rid of her (or however you want to put it). i just want to be so careful here, because it was carelessness that got me into this mess, and i feel like only extreme care will get me out. thanks.
well, if shes already investigating co-ops & the situation is tense, perhaps she feels it too & is feeling just the same way as you, looking for a non painful way to just drift apart either way, gentle honnesty probly would be the best in the long run, let her know you csare, but your aware of the tension, & if she feels its time to move on & explore a life apart then she should if i misread that & she really wants to stay together but you dont then i'd still say gently honnesty is best, but i wouldnt then make her feel so much like the descision is hers to make are you completely sure this is what you want to do? are the problems that bad?
Hi GC... sounds like its a tough one because youre looking for a way out where no one will get hurt? but it also sounds like youre a really caring person and theres nothing wrong with damage limitation... i hope you find the answer youre looking for peace
thank you both so much. just knowing that people aren't leaping down my throat about this makes me feel like more of a human being. gentle honesty, yeah...my feeling is that she wants to stay with me, i mean, she talks about marriage and kids...it stresses me out but i don't know how to say it, so i've closed up. the co-op thing...i wonder if she's trying to give me an option. an influence. or maybe it's not related to our problems at all. i am a caring person, thank you for saying that...i feel like i need to care about myself, but it's funny, you know? people tell you to follow your heart, but very few seem to understand that sometimes reality ties your heart in chains just by being reality. i've been hurt a lot already...and no, it's not over...i would love to just drift apart, you have no idea how happy i would be. we've been trying to work through our problems, and it's strange...we're able to work them through, but...on my part, the affectionate feelings are very sporadic. so i end up just ruling out ways to revive my feelings. i just can't replace them with cruelty, so i've been closing up, out of consideration for her...if that makes any sense. i think in the long run, i'll need to open up though, but until i get my thoughts sorted out, i only want to tell her things i'm sure of rather than tell her things that i'll go back on a few days later. because i've been moody and emotional. on the other hand, i realize that bottling it all in is no good either. that's what brings me here, and to my friends. thanks again.
why not just take some time apart for you both to sort out your own problems your own way? whens the last time you two have had any real alone time?
we've been considering options like that. she's thinking of doing a co-op next semester, possibly out of town. (i forget if i said that already.) if that works, it would be great. i should go out with my friends (and i have been, some.) i've been seeing my friends outside of seeing her, and it's been good. i have therapy on thursday. she'll help me. she's wise.
