Approaching People

Hey, all.

I've just recently come out, and am having difficulty connecting with guys. I make eye contact, smile... but I'm always uncertain of where to go from there.

The other day I was in Union Square in NYC, and ended up sitting next to this really attractive guy who I exchanged a few looks with during a street performance. I could pretty much tell he was gay, though I wasn't sure if he was interested. After the show ended, he and a lady friend of his just hovered about, and I just hung around for a short while before leaving.

This sort of thing happens all the time. I'm really inexperienced with this sort of thing. When is it appropriate to approach a stranger whom you suspect is gay in a non-bar setting? What the hell do you say? Any help would be great.

 

Well, first, why don't you tell them your name and ask them for theirs?

 

Approaching a guy is often a bit scary for many of us, even in a gay setting. Perhaps one thing you might have done in that situation was to say something about the street performance. How he responds--or doesn't--can tell you a lot.

 

Hmm if I were in search of a same sexed mate, being the shy-to-death person I am, I'd try my luck at a gay club. There at least you can be almost certain. Or! a personals ad could work for you

 

Just be glad that you're in a city where you have access to gays...me, I'm in a small town (that I do like) but there are no gay guys to date.

I wish you luck though in your search. For me, I would just try to start conversation. Like SageDreamer said, if he responds (for example) really warmly, then you know he may be interested. In that type of situation, there's really no DEFINITE way to know, unless of course he has a rainbow tatoo visible or something haha. You just gotta talk around it, and eventually it'll come up into the conversation about whether he is gay or not.
Cheers,
Dylan

 

Oh, also, talk about him. Ask questions that favour interest in him: What's your name? How are you? How old are you? What kind a job do you have? etc... Just try to find places of common interest and be sure to add your story to the subject.

 

But how can you tell if the other person is interested in the same gender as well? I mean, I know I can just ask: "Hey, you dig woman?" but a lot of people might react badly to that.

I mean, is there a more subtle way to find out?

 

i dont think so.

 

Smile. Be friendly, but not threatening.

There's no foolproof way of knowing other than asking, but that's a bit dangerous.

If a man is genuinely interested, it's usually pretty clear. If he is not interested, that's usually pretty clear too.

 

I know of a way: ask how they feel about the GLBT community... The perfect way to test the waters of such subject matter. After that, depending on the answer, either encorporate the question, or don't. At least, that's the way I came out to some people about being trans...

 

I just came out. It is really hard for me to approach whom i like and its also hard for me to show my feelings when im approached! Someone likes me, I dont know what to do with him, even i like him. My reaction is just so stupid, it is in such a way that..im making fun of him, which i m not trying to do, in fact. maybe, i dont really like someone at the moment and i am so confused coz there are a lot of guys who like me. I m not proud of that, I m just so disappointed of myself. I am not with anyone while there are guys who like me! Yes, im so lonely. Did u guys use to have a time like me? How long is it gonna last? any advice? i'd really appreciate!

 

Wadaler, my problem was that I couldn't find guys who liked me. If I were in your situation, I'd spend as much time as I could with the guys who I knew liked me. Who knows? Maybe you'll get to know one of these guys better and start liking him.

It's not perfect, but it probably beats being alone.

 

I, myself, am very lonely. I pass so well at times that I actually get hit on by other men; which, is wonderful, yet... terrible. I know that they are interested in me because of my appearance and/or personality, but, they think that I am a biological woman... So, I would have a hard time pursuing a relationship, especially since I'm not even on hormones, yet.

I haven't been hit on by any girls, or any gay guys (because of how well I tend to pass...). It's gotten to the point where I'm sure that somebody IS out there for me; it's just the wait till then that is so tough... I'm unsure about a relationship with a gay man as they would most likely think of me as a male; my sexuality is so complex... I identify as autogynephilic, so... that adds even more onto an already massive mess.

I do not know how long this will last... I'm sure it'll be different after a year of hormone therapy, though. I can't really help others with this kind of an issue as I have not yet figured it out myself.