so about 10 minutes away from my house theres this old amusemnt park called lake side. and the park itself is very old and shitty looking. although i and many others love this place more than any other theme park in the state, others hate becuase it looks unsafe and is in the shady part of town. but when it was first built it was the pride and joy of the area. so i had this idea to write a story in 1st person, about the amusment park. so i would sound somethine like this.... my body was made up of roller coaster and ferris wheels, but my soul was made up of the happiness that poeple felt while on me. then i would go on the amusemt park would tell of its demise and how it got made upset and cuased acidents and deaths and other theme parks began to open and it feels alone and unloved. any thoughts? ARNAR!
My thought: would your penis be made up of the hot dog stand? You could even have the stand get shut down along the road due to health regulations violations, like rat droppings being found in the ingredients. That would serve as a metaphor for getting an STD and driving away all the people who would otherwise be sexually attracted to you. I just can't help myself.
No offence but i think the story seems a bit stale, a bit obvious, you would need to throw something else in there too i think
like what? i was thinking that these could be memories of the park and its thinking these as the work crews are getting ready to blast it and tear it down ~ARNAR
How bout puting your memories, not memories of the park itself. Find out the history of it, write about it tell your readers what has happen through the years buy having a conversation with one of its workers, google the place if it exists on the net. Make research and then write about what they are thinking of doing with the place. I think that is what will capture and keep your readers reading. I know I would keep reading it. You can try later and write another view, like the one that you said. Hope that helped, cant wait to read it. holla.
perhaps you could still use your first person POV, but not reveal until late in the story that it was an amusement park talking about itself, build it up to seem like an older person thinking about the park, then twist it somewhere in the plot development
Dude I haven't posted in forever but I read this and had to come back. I think this is an awesome idea! How you wrote it I could feel as if I were concrete with steel structures portruding upward from me. And that's hilarious; you could have the "I" shake a board loose or something and it impales a roller coaster rider baha. I like the idea of it thinking back before it gets torn down. Man that's totally cool, and original and unique as far as I've heard. Keep rockin.
It's a good idea but I'm a bit iffy on the first person bit. Try it but it does sound pretty stale to me. I'm not in anyway saying "this is how to do it!" but if it was me I would write about people's interaction with the park - people who've fallen in love there, the people who built it, the people who allowed to fall to disrepair etc etc etc. Do you see what I'm getting at. How you presented it so far it's too static and the whole point of a story is that it's progressive. Blessings Sebbi
