Some new poetry from me... Silent University Park Bench Autumn summons as the winds of change get cooler The sun's less bright And children go back to school Morning takes my hand Smiling people pass me and I know that a new beginning's finally here And grow forward from the past with out a tear Daytime buzzes as people walk down the street Yet time stands still from my head down to my feet Trees splendors sheild my eyes Its embrace feels my sighs And absorbs all my happiness, excitements,fears In the early autumn of the year Close your eyes--feel the sounds of the city Dirty, clean, quiet, loud, ugly, pretty As all her people dance I close my eyes and take a chance One can do no less than fly If they always try Time draws near to the start of this adventure Disolve all fears and only hope to endure The moment eaten by time The beginning closes this rhyme There's no reason to be scared Thank the trees that I'm prepared.... And now a better one... Reflections from the Steps of CAS The mushroom trees shade the people going to and fro The red flags watch them go by An unseen observer on the CAS steps Watches their rhythms, their hands, their eyes And wonders if any of them know that Beneith each bodily frame The souls of the people on Comm. Ave. are connected-- Every one is the same The Song of Humanity Once was it written Forever was it kept A slow song A longing song The search for understanding A happy song A sadder song Carried deep within the Mother's sweet people It calls to them Beckons them To seek the secrets of the inner Self The sweet song The poet's song With its haunting melody Rustles its restless green leaves In the depths of humanity This long song Is our song The young, old, foolish, wise The ever moving flowing song of humanity Lines the universe's broad skies The Journiers The broad green leaves Eternal friends Leave thee where the sidewalk ends Cobble stones under our feet Sweet journiers who on this road will we meet? We'll meet the scholars who explore our future and past Meet the athelete who moves so gracefully fast We'll meet the philosopher who ponders our story Meet the politician who rarely says sorry We'll meet the foolish, the pure, the wise Within our brothers and sisters when we look through their eyes And like us, my dear wonderers, we'll meet the curious at heart Whose thirst for understanding has no end nor start On this cobblestone sidewalk lined with trees Our slice of the world--this university
I don't like rhymes that arent creative either. Read Ani Difranco, I ain't nothin special, but the more of hers I read the more I improve.
i agree, your stuff isnt my cup of tea exactly nowt against it tho if tis yours always write! but to agree with the other comments, you shouldnt feel the need to force any sort of form. if the form is a part of what your trying to convey then great if not then try other methods. also dont feel the need to force a rhyme, personally i dislike the use of rhyme, but use it in context. Also try to appeal to a style of poetry at first, i think a lot of poets go further if they try to appeal to a style of writing that they feel comfortable in, and then they can develop outside of that and form their own indervidual style. personally i write to a ted hughes/philip larkin esq style of writing, but im trying to deviate from that. those are two poets i find very influential, but whilst i admire them greatly im trying to take what they did, and develop my own inderpendence from it. also dont feel that you have to get bogged down in the "hippy" imagry, or what seems to be fashionable at the moment, always stay true to what you want to convey within the poem, for example if your going to write about autumn leaves with subtle political overtones, work hard on conveying that in the most original manner that you can sorry fi this seems scathing remarks, but honestly keep writing, cos what you have writen is grand stuff
hey all...I wasn't trying to force anything...its how I felt and how it came out at the time...with my poetry I try not to rewrite it...even if it isn't my best because its a moment of my feelings captured...sorry it wasn't your cup of tea this time. Maybe next time it will be...but I promise that it is...as always 100 percent me...and 100 percent inspired by what came out right then and there....
i dunno, i think you should always attempt to rework your poetry untill its at its peak. you can still convey feeling this way, just adds a mark of professionalism
i wasnt trying to be mean, i think its great to work from feeling, I always do and I always just let it flow. I'm just saying the more you write and the more you read the better you get. its constructive criticism I wasnt saying it was bad at all. I'm not any better it was just a suggestion.
I do agree that your poems do seem to be forced into rhyme but that is not always bad The Raven was made to have great rhyme and rhythm, the mood and such was a side effect but also, try some free verse, no rhyming just writing and I disagree completely with the person that suggested to match another's form, just be you I really liked "The Journiers" for some reason it gave me a nostalgic type feel... I think maybe it reminded me of the way some children's stories are written
You offer so many new human insights. These four lines paint a picture, for me. Thank you for sharing your changing song. Best of luck with the studies
dont MATCH anothers form, just read a lot of different sources, thats how you learn. You read a lot, and expand upon it, pick up certain things that you like, and avoid things you don't, you create your own style but you can learn a lot from great writers.
or you could just develop just learn and advance on your own there are many different techniquestowards advancement, I don't think any of us can call another way wrong
