when a relationship starts growing stale HELP!

I have been with the same woman for 12 years now and married for 3. We even have a kid togeather who is 10, and I really believe that she is the reason that we are still togeather. Me and my wife don't have much in common. I am a dead head/spread head, and she is just a simple every day woman who just goes to work and comes home, reads, and watches TV, or reads. I am a guy who lives the hippy life, go out on tour with the dead or widespread panic for one or two shows a few times a year, and I am really into music. other that that I am a supervisor/manager, so I am really involved with my job alot. I look at other couples togeather out there on tour, and I am kinda jealous to tell you the truth. I feel that we have nothing in common and I am bored with our marrage. I love her dearly, and don't want to leave her, but I have had wondering feelings lately, and have even started looking at other women, and have even flitrted with a few. What does this mean, and how do I fix it?

 

Ugh...


My father was with my mom for 25 years and recently cheated on her because I guess he just fell out of love and felt like they weren't on the same page. So talking from experience...don't let the flirting and checking out of women get outta hand.

Sometimes I wonder how people of such different backgrounds or interests get together and stay together. Have you approached her about how you're feeling? With my dad, he never talked at all with my mom about how he was feeling and instead of actually trying to work shit out, he just ended up cheating on her and now they're separated. You need to communicate. Maybe when she comes home from work, don't let her watch TV or read. Sit her down and explain to her that you want to spice things up a little. Maybe explain to her about your hippy lifestyle and ask her if she'd want to try going to a show with you some time. Would she be up for something like that or is she too set in her ways? Marriage and love is about trying new things, compromising, making your partner and yourself happy, growing and learning together...so maybe try to incorporate the life you love into hers, and hers into yours. I hope she's willing to try new things. Good luck to you.

 

Why don't you sit down and think about what brought the two of you together in the first place. There had to be something about her that you loved and thought you couldn't be without. Dwell on the positive things rather than the negative things in the relationship, otherwise the negative will crowd out the positive and you won't be able to see them at all.

People with different backgrounds and hobbies can most certainly have a loving relationship that satisfys the needs of both people. Have you ever tried taking part in anything she is interested in? Have you asked her if she really is interested in anything besides reading and watching tv (I'm sure she has some other sort of interests). Have you tried including her in your world? I could be completely wrong, but it sounds to me like there might be something else going on with her, maybe she is not happy in the relationship either and doesn't know how to express it to you. Maybe she thinks it is stale as well.

I agree with ArtistofPeace here, it is more about communication. It is also about compromise. You can't have a relationship without both of those key elements. I honestly believe that if you talk with her and explain your feelings and make sure she can talk to you openly without judgement or fear that you will not still love her, then you can probably work something out.

My boyfriend and I don't have a lot in common either. We don't have the same types of personalities or the same pasttimes. We thought we did when we first met because we could "read each others minds" and finish each others thoughts right off the bat. We had what we thought were similarities, but just turns out we come to the same conclusions about things (which is good too). He has to keep moving and I'm really laidback. I can sit around and write a story or read a book or just daydream on a nice day. He on the otherhand is constantly in motion, running around working on several projects at once. He can't sit still. He thinks I'm lazy (which I am the first to admit ) and I think he is annoyingly ADD.

I like going to shows and seeing bands, he hates it and can't be in crowds and spoils our fun, so I don't take him anymore I go with my sister. And yeah sometimes I see couples at shows and I'm like damn wish I could share this moment with Jer, but I know that he wouldn't be happy there and he is enjoying himself where ever he is. He likes car things. Working on cars and talking about new parts on cars. He likes to mountain bike (which I did try a few times and have never ridden again since, anyone want to buy a mountain bike btw?) I tried spending time with him at the garage while he put pieces on his cars and I just found myself to be bored and it made me resent him. I like to play volleyball, and quite frankly he sucks at it and I wouldn't want to play with him. LOL! But sometimes I suggest we go hiking (something he is not most fond of) and he does it for me, just to spend time with me and to see a smile on my face. And when he wants me to go to the movies with him (I don't care for the movies) I go because I like to see him happy as well.

This kind of thing can keep things interesting that is for sure.

I hope it all works out for you. Whatever you decide to do, be upfront with her and don't go behind her back and let something happen that you may very well regret later. I don't think you want to hurt her so just keep that in mind.

Take care.

jen