Is it possible?

I have had many guy friends who were only friends. In some cases they wanted me and in some I wanted them but mostly we both didn't think of each other that way.

You can't help who you are and aren't attracted to. I don't know what the odds are but it would more matter on just getting two people who hold no attraction with each other and then you get a female and male friendship that lasts without sexual undertones.

I would say that it's probably uncommon for both to be purely uninterested sexually, but not impossible.

 

i think it definitely possible for guys and girls to be just friends. I have heaps of guy mates, who i would not go there with, in fact it makes me giggle just thinking about it. (i mean that in a very nice way of course).

At the start of our friendships yeah, i maybe considered what it would be like for 1/2 a second, but dismissed the possibility just as fast, and now we are just friends and always will be. I would be quite startled if any of them confessed to wanting to cross that line.

 

hmm..a few months ago i would have said yes..of course they can..but today i cant say that with as much conviction.....
my best mate is a man....he 's been my 'soulmate' in a platonic sort of way for almost 15yrs..hes seen me through good and bad times and a failed marriage... i walked out on my marriage almost 18 months ago and as ever hes been a true friend..untill a few weeks ago when he hit me with .. i've fancied you for years'.. at first i was soo shocked...then confused...then angry....and now just a bit dissolusioned..
I took a step back and took a long hard look at this guy i thought really cared about me... and i realized how naive i had been to think that you really could have just a friendship like that.
i miss all the fun nights we had...and the sitting up and talking till 5am when i had to be at work by 7... the..'hows your day mate' ..txts i used to get... now i just feel uncomfortable and under pressure to make a decision one way or the other....friends or more?... i guess we almost crossed the boundary lines..too almost... but far enough that i its left me feeling sad that we cant go completely back to where we were.. so now i have to say no...maybe in some cases the attraction isnt physical........but then again.....isnt it?.....

 

Not to stick up for a guy I don't know, but speaking as a male, I would imagine that if you were friends over a 15 year period of time, that if all he wanted from you was sex he wouldn't have waited around for so long. I do think you can grow to love someone without trying. Initially, he may not have even thought about you sexually, but as he got to know you, he saw your inner beauty as well, and he fell in love with you. I don't understand why you would feel hurt by his admission, but can understand the awkwardness of it all.

In case I seem to be contradicting myself from earlier posts, I totally feel that men can have friends that are girls, and have no intentions of things going beyond that. But in getting to know a girl so closely, it can turn into a deeper affection. I personally feel that any woman I ever am friends with over a long period of time, I would grow to have very deep passion for at some point. I'm not saying that I would act on the feelings, or start drama if they were in a relationship, but the feelings would be there nonetheless.

 

i grew up with mostly guy friends, and there were only a couple problems like that, so i would say it is definatly POSIBLE but then.. nothings imposible, right?

 

my best guy friend and i have no sexual attraction to each other, just pure love of friends. he likes other girls anyway, only asian actually, and i have a boyfriend, who happens to be his best friend.

 

" Many women want to argue this point and say things like " I have lots of guy friends." Maybe. There are exactly 3 cases Intellectual Whores has identified whereby a guy and a girl can be friends:

1. The guy is gay
2. The guy does not find you attractive
3. The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder

Even Nietzsche knew this. Most guys know this intuitively. Most girls doubt. I have a challenge for all of you girls who still doubt. Pick a guy who does not meet any of the criterion on the above list that you think is your friend. Then ask yourself this question: If you were both alone at his place one night, and you excused yourself to the bathroom and came out naked and asked him to have sex with you would he:

1. Tell you he doesn't want to risk the beautiful friendship you have created with messy physical entanglements.

2. Comply.

Remember
...this only works if you are honest with yourself. Number one is of course something that guys hear all the time. Intellectual Whores refers to it as the Kiss of Death. It is more likely that he will jump you eagerly. " - From Ladder Theory...

 

Why wouldn't it be possible? Does everyone merely want to fuck everything in sight?

 

No, not initially, but over time wouldn't you feeling grow stronger? Then I was reintroduced to the ladder theory and now I see how and why sometimes it DOES work out...

 

As long as there's the safety of all sexual tension being out of the question (when reason speaks). If you are all set with a girl you really love, it's totally possible (and in the end, a matter of character). And then again, sometimes rules don't apply for some reason.

 

I guess I was adressing the Thread and not the previuos speaker... sorry, I'm a bit drunk...

 

I totally agree that it is a question of character. I have female friends that if I were single, I'd be all about taking it to the next level, but because I am not single, I keep things platonic. And, it's not like I have to push my feelings for these friends down, I just know that it can't happen, and that's cool. But, I'm not afraid to admit that IF I were single, yep...

 

you know, given the chance i'd have sex with just about anyone i'm friendly with. i'm just like that. but i don't. that doesn't mean i'm not their friend, and the fact that they would do me as well doesn't mean they don't think i'm their friend. sex and romantic love aren't necessarily the same. it doesn't necessarily negate friendship.

 

Right on! Totally agree with you. (except the sex with everyone I am friends with... heh...)

 

well, i'm pretty picky about my friends...but i love them all. my best friend in the entire world is the most hetero female i've ever known in my entire life. she knows i'd fuck her in a heartbeat. she's not like that, but she's still my best friend.

 

That reminds me of situation where two male friends I sort of knew were VERY close friends. They did everything together. Then one of them told the other that he was sexually attracted to him. The guy got so angry and basically ended their friendship over it. I always felt so bad for the guy that came out. I mean, if I was a friend of a girl I wanted and I asked her out but was turned down, I'd still want to be her friend. Even if my friend was a guy, I'd be cool with it as long as he knew the boundaries.

interesting...

 

some people are more comfortable with that sort of thing than others. i have freaked out some girlfriends when they found out i was attracted to them, especially when i could tell they were responding to me. i have a tendency to overwhelm, but i'm pretty benign. i don't ever drag someone into things that make them uncomfortable. usually it's a discomfort on their part that they end up dealing with and getting over. it takes a really strong person to not be afraid of that sort of thing.

 

I've had girls who were guy friends, they are usually the sort of folk I could tell dirty jokes around.....

I don't think I can be friends with every type of girl, but it's the same as me not being able to be friends with every type of person

I mean I'm sure some people approach friendship with someone of the opposite gender as a vector for sex, I don't, I mean hell I've got someone to swap anecdotes with I'm vaguely happy

 

yep. sometimes people just aren't attracted to each other and they can be friends like that. my sister has a tendency to do the gross-out factor, making her relations with her boyfriends minimum. after all, sex is easy to get, friends are way more difficult.

 

Yea they can