Footsteps to Their Grave I wonder if Jesus ever suspected that one day thousands would march upon his footsteps to his grave; fawning over two-thousand year old dust that may once have held a blooded footprint, slack-jawed and glassy eyed, elated, at the site of an ancient murder. Herds of gawking human souls transfixed before the crucifix, making their morbid procession of such a bloody obsession; following always in his death-walk, but forever ignoring his life. I'd like some input on the title, I'm also considering "What Would Jesus Do". Other comments/critiques are also welcome, of course.
Not very shocking. Reads more like an excercise than an inspired work. "Forever ignoring his life" could definitely be disputed. Sounds more accusatory than light-shedding. Could go somewhere, with work... needs more direction than finger pointing...
this critique is too harsh. i think its really cool. your style is direct and passionate. i can tell you really mean what you're saying. itrs very clear. imo. the title is brilliant...totally brilliant. dont change it, especcially not to the other one!!! i thought this poem was great. powerful, each line had a unique and vivid image. with layers of undertones and meanings to be interpreted , reaLLLY REALLY REALLY WELL DONE. i very appricitae this work..
Thank you both, I appreciate getting both sides, always important to stay humble, haha. I was thinking about working it into a structured poem, with a more set rhythm and possibly rhyming it. Maybe I'll also "give it direction" rather than just "finger pointing". Though that was the purpose of the last line, really.
I liked it. I feel what you're saying. The title stays. But I did notice that the first verse was more stream of consciousness, but the second became more structured. I tend to do that too.
