In the Women's Forum, a 21 yr old man (first time father) asked what he can expect during his girlfriend's pregnancy. http://hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1585482 One of the responces included the sentence, "Sorry, but your post appeared as if you were concerned about how the pregnancy would effect you, and that is really not the issue when a mother is pregnant." When my wife was pregnant, I got similar responces on those occasions that I voiced worries and questions about the future. For a responsible man, the birth of his first child is a life changing event. Why are men's concerns about this dismissed? (I am not trying to compare the importance of pregnancy on men vs. women. ) It seems that a large responce to an expectant father's doubts and fears is "Your feelings are nothing. Just don't run out on her." Am I way off base on this? Are a expectant father's concerns "not the issue when a mother is pregnant?"
Well, the OP wanted to know what he can expect during the pregnancy. He said that his dad told him that pregnant women get horny and yell a lot. (He aknowledges that his dad might have just been a drunken idiot when he sais that, though.) He didn't really ask any specific questions. From his post it isn't clear if he wants to know what he can expect from her emotionally, or what he should do to get ready for their baby? Or how he can help her during the pregnancy? Or what? He was really vague. It does sound like he's asking the people in the women's forum how this will impact him, how he can deal with it. It's just not clear. What do you really want to know, Liver? You should talk to your girlfriend. She, meanwhile, now has to accept that someone is growing inside of her. Her life is all about someone else right now. And there might be times when she doesn't feel so great, or even downright rotten. Well, OP, what can you expect? You can expect your life to never be the same again. You can expect to be mind-blown when you first see your baby. You can fully expect to think to yourself that you surely have never seen anything more beautiful or important than your child. You can expect to get all teary-eyed and to promise yourself that you'll do whatever it takes to take care of your kid. You're a parent now. Welcome to the club. You can do this. You can be a good dad. Congratulations.
Before my first child was born, one of my female coworkers (the hippy) came up to my spouse and said to her very firmly, "make sure he doesn't get forgotten in all of this." I thought it weird at the time, cause she isn't that type, but now that I look at it - men don't really get much advice or support from other men, which is really regrettable. We need an equivalent of a "shower" for men. I find it regrettable that many of the male analogues of good things (for example the bridal shower which is a supportive, hey, let's get her ready for her married life) are not as wholesome or frankly healthy (hey! let's have a stag and pretend like we've got to party hearty cause next week he's going to jail!) We need to fix this.
It sounds like he was wondering what he can expect from his wife while she is pregnant (for him to support or ignore you all don't know, but hopefully support. When I say support I mean help her with, not support that it will be). How the hell can a guy not know whats involved in raising a child? You have to expect everything, they will break your and other peoples stuff, hurt themselves, miss the toilet, refuse to eat, vomit everywhere, and scream and cry, wake you up at 3 am, and millions of other things. It wont be easy, nobody said it would. You can expect your kid to act the way you did when you were little.
A baby shower for fathers-to-be is such a good idea. When my first child was on the way their dad's friends would come to OUR home, MY HOME, and say to him, in front of me, "Your life is over, dude. You're screwed." I could see the panic come over him. What if his friends had instead been supportive and congratulated him? What if they got together and had a shower and shared advice and positive stories and encouragement? That's such a good idea.
Most men aren't taught how to be fathers, and as a result, they aren't. Women just look at guys who are good with kids and say "it's a fucking shame you're not like that. Our kids are so deprived."
Well, who should teach them? Their dads, probably. The problem is, a lot of dads don't stick around. And even if they do, that's no guarantee. My dad and my kids' dad both grew up with their fathers in their homes. And they both totally decided that parenting was a drag and they had other things they wanted to do. My ex-husband's dad can't believe what a lousy parent he is. He has apologized to me for raising such a crappy parent. He says he thought he was raising responsible sons and he never expected him to turn out like this. Go figure. At a certain point, though, even if a person wasn't taught, or had crappy parents or a crappy childhood, people have to grow up and take responsibility. When you grow up, that's it, you're grown up, and even if your childhood sucked, you have to try to do your best for your own kids. You can't take it out on your kids.
When I was pregnant thats one of my first lessons I had to learn about with my guy....I knew I was going through such a rough time with this huge life change I knew he had to be feeling such craziness himself. I think women do have a thing agains fathers in societe...I honor fathers. I wanted my guy to be involved in everything. I had him and his(and my) guy friends at my babyshower. I thought it shoulnt be any other way. It wasn't just my celebration.
Yes, it is so important to help in any way possible. Birthing classes helped me experience more empathy. http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1659194&postcount=53
i think its great that youre interested in whats going on while youre wife is pregnant ive never had a baby so cant tel you what to expect but firends that have had kids have been very partial to mood swings, but i worked out that its easier to bring them round if you talk to them and keep thinking in your head "its her hormones she doesnt mean it" ha ha filling you full of confidence here arent i, best thing to do would be speak to your partner and shel know youre interested and it will more than likely make the bond between you stronger, even though shes carrying the baby you would be able to experience it with her if you fully understand whats going on ps Congratulations
Well, if we didn't learn it when we were kids, we'll have to get together and teach each other as much as we can. Understanding where a behavior comes from is important in changing it. But when someone becomes an adult, they are responsible for their actions, whatever the root causes are.
men are also having pretty radical hormonal shifts. my husband suffered couvade. he was sick every morning at 9:00AM (while i never got sick at all). he knew i was pregnant before i did for this very reason. it was pretty neat. i posted this article on the parenting board, but no one was interested, and here's a related thread over here. http://articles.health.msn.com/id/100108086
