This is a true confession.. here

cause i love you all here

brian killed himself years ago.

we never had sex. we held each other a few times. i only touched him penis *and vice versa* once.....

yet i dont think anyone gets it. my mom didnt when we went to VA for the funeral "trish, yer keeping me awake"

haha... such a good parent. so sorry that you're best friend since you were five, and boyfriend and soul mate for years KILLED HIMSELF.

no one cares. no one wants to hear it.

no one does. ooh yeah, i hate him at times. yet- i cant hate him and here is why?- i know him enuf to know he'd take it back...... he would. why must every one either make me every forget him, or make me think he's selfish or be jealous?

why wont anyone be here?

and brian, i know you would have changed it and you know i love you but fuck you for doing that

 

I don't think anyone ever can totally empathize with you, that really is a very sad story
I don't have any emotional pain I can measure against that, I'm really very sorry for your loss

 

thanks. see, i dont feel sorry for myself and i think you know i dont.

it just... will never go away.

never.

and sometimes i feel like, i cant give my all to anymore and i think about how my mom acted and how brian acted and it gets all fresh. so it all comes right away

SO ONE WANTS TO HEAR IT!

actually i hope that anyone that is considering suicide reads this... and realize, it dont go away. there are no good byes. you become the freak..

 

parents sometimes can be so cold hearted, i know i'm very close to someone who had been raped, gotten pregnant & then lost the baby..2 weeks later she was extremely depressed & od'd (semi accidently?) she survived, but an hour after the od while her survival was still quesionable, her mom was at home talking to me online, more worried about what this girl might have said about her mom & how she would have embarrassed her then she wasabout her daughter..& when i suggested she get the daughter therapy her reply was "why shes just doing this to embarrass me" i said no, the pain is very real, & shes like what pain? & i said well she was raped & lost her baby cause she was so stressed about what youd think ..& she was like "oh..shes over that now"..i tried to explain that you dont just get over losing a baby in 2 weks..& dont just get over rape in a couple months..but to her cold mind shewas just being overly drammattic

i guesswhy i share this with you is cause not everyone will understand or care about your pain, but i do care

i had someone i was falling for kill herself too ..i understand the shock..the confusion..all the questioning..your right though, people who throw theyre lives away need to realize theyre not only throwing away theyre lives but theyre severely messing up the lives of everyone who caresabout them.

tight huggggs

 

There was a boy in my elementary class that hung himself in his front yard the summer after we finished 6th grade. His sister found him the next morning.
Sometimes I still think of him, too.

 

some people are too damn good for this world

http://www.windmillsonline.us/pages/index.php?pageID=3460&PHPSESSID=649627b8d4a3626a8e02162b1eb85201



everybody read "Lord of the Barnyard" and "Skirt & The Fiddle," or die!
I'll miss Tristan till the endtimes - hurry up fucking endtimes


.

 

I'm really sorry for you. It's clear that you really loved this boy and after all those years you've been through together it's absolutely normal that you feel this way. You shouldn't hate him though. He probably has done what he tought was the best. It's not selfish that you hate him sometimes, but remember he probably felt the need to do this.

I send you all my love and I hope you'll still find joy in life. It's not possible to forget (I'm still very young, but I've already discovered there are things you just can't forget), but maybe time will tell you how to make peace with such thing.

 

I know at least 5 brians. You need to be specific.

 

So that's who I apparently remind you of? Your "soulmate"?

 

nor is there a reason to forget
the shit you go through can just make you stronger
and why would you want to lose the happiness you had with that person?

and II I don't really have much to say, I really wish I did, but I do not, I just hope you learn to cope with it all

 

i dont know five brians.

but i know a Brian, Ryan, and Byron.

holy fuck that can get confusing.

along with my buddies Josh, John, Jeff, Jake, Jeremy, another Josh, james and darren.

 

Remember what you learned from him......keep the love he gave you...don't make his death the defining moment of your life....

 

My son-in-Law is named Brian & my 10 yr old is Ryan

 

Hey I get it, no one else will except those who've walked the walk. You have to live through it to "get it". I'd never wish that upon anyone EVER.

http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=104224