Who can clue me in on how to deal with my inlaws? They hate me. Or at least my boyfriend’s mother does. I have no idea why. When he and I first started dating 4 years ago, they loved me. They treated me like family and had nothing but nice things to say to me and about me. Now all of a sudden his mother can’t stand me and I haven’t a clue as to why this has come to pass. It started back in December and has gotten progressively worse. My boyfriend has noticed the “attitude” as well, but he doesn’t do anything about it. Most recently I went there a couple of weeks ago, and before I could even say “hi” to his mother, she yelled “you might hate my guts, but you have to eat my cooking” then she laughed like it was supposed to be funny. I have no idea what the hell that was all about. My boyfriend didn’t either, and he thought that it was kind of strange. I’ve never given any indication that I don’t like my boyfriend’s family, I love all of them, even more so than my own sometimes. Then later that evening his mother said to me the only reason that I am able to save any money is because I’m not paying any rent living with my boyfriend. The reason I am not paying rent though is because he and I have an agreement, one that she is aware of because it was her idea. He makes twice as much money as I do, therefore he pays the $400 rent (which is dirt cheap here) and I pay the two most expensive utility bills which are usually at least $200 and I buy all of the groceries. It is almost even we just don’t really specify what is rent and what is toilet paper money ya know! Then I found out last night, that his mother has also told him that she thinks he has been miserable since I moved into the house he rents (which was back in December). So, she is saying that I’m making her son miserable. Now, he told me that he is not miserable, and he doesn’t know what she is talking about. Often times he just says to ignore her because she is crazy. But this really really hurts. I don’t know if she thinks I’m taking him away or what the hell brought this on, but I want to resolve it. I’m just afraid if I say anything to anyone it will only make things worse and I don’t want everyone mad at me. I’m not going to be one of those girls who makes their men choose, that is not right. How can we just get along? And what the hell is this woman’s problem!! We are not children here, what is going on?
I don't know what it is about mothers and their son's women. It took until after my wife gave birth to our fifth kid for my mother to finally lay off my wife. It's not like she was particulary mean, but just had little remarks she would throw out about the kids or my wife's clothes or whatever. Even then it took my wife and I letting her know it was time to realize we were adults and lived our lives as we wanted. My father also had too help by saying his piece to her in private. Your boyfriend should have a chat with his mom and let her know how she makes you feel and soon. Family is important so don't let fifteen years go by dreading each visit with her like we did. Hey, you both love the same guy in different ways and that should be enough to work things out. Good luck and peace.
the best thing to do i think is to be straight forward to her about it. otherwise it will probably just get worse. Don't be all confrontational about it, but just tell her you feel like she's been less than nice to you, and you'd like to know why or what you did to her to make her fell this way about you. Some mother-in-laws are just jealous and if that's the case there probably isn't much you can do about it. but you can't just sit back and hope it goes away because it's just not gonna happen.
