I Dont know what to do...

Right this is a pretty long story but its come to the point where its getting me down...

About three years ago I saw this girl around where I live on ym street..and i just fell for her. Ide walk the long way home form school just to see her, I fancied her like crazy and fom her type of clothes I could see we were into the same bands...Anyway for about a year ide see her like once a fortnight just coming home fomr school and ide blush and ide drool and ide be hypnotised by her presence across the street...this was my first REAL crush, and it was very serious, it got to the point where ide do anything so ide get the chance of seeing her (stand outside pretending ime waiting for a friend, walk towards the bus stop she used etc)

ANyways a year later she moved to my school...and she was in the year above me...and my friends told her i fancied her...and i found out she wanted to meet me the next day at school. That night I didnt sleep, the next day i didnt eat, I did my hair the best i could, all the typical stuff like clean shave and deoderant etc

Anyways I said hi without too much trouble and she gave me her number and it felt awesome...and i rung her and she said she would meet me in the local graveyard the next day...

I met her the next day and my draw dropped..she was wearing a sex pistols t-shirt...and I just felt so good, so alive, so obsessed....

we started going out soon later, i asked her out!! and we were dating...wed go round mine and watch cradle of filth DVD's and hug and kiss...and it was great...

Then suddenly..after being with ehr a month she started to get nasty for some reason...shed say that i was a loser because I liked black sabbath, and that I was a "wannabee" (the local terminology is that if you are a wannabee you dont like music you are just into it for the image basically).

Anyway..we were together for another month and it was getting nasty..and one day she came round to mine and asked me if I wanted to have sex, and I told her i didnt (we had done other stuff but i was still a virgin) and she was getting really threatening, and i didnt know what to do so i told her to go home...and she did and gave me the whole "your a fucking pussy" thing. I cried myself to sleep, and woke up crying the next day. I was hurt, i felt used, trapped and fucked over.

We walked home form school the enxt day and she was talking to a guy form the local college and she asked if it was alrite if she got the bus home with him...i saiud "well i dont think its fair because i dont exactly know him" and she said "well ime going to go whatever you say". so she did...and i cried on the way home with my friends...

The next day she came into the music block of my school and she hit me in front of about 9 people...and listen to this (bearing in mind i didnt have sex with ehr, i told her to fuck off home)

she hit me and shouted at the top of her voice "how dare you tell everyone that you slept with me, ive heard it form everybody".....i hadent told anyone, i was too ashamed after what happened. This shook me up...and i became very depressed....

soon after she started lying to ym sister and saying that i smoked marijuana (three years ago i hadnt even seen dope) and my sister threatened to tell my mum..it wasnt until my sister saw me in tears that she believed me....

Anyways, its three years later now and shes still on my case...she tells my sister that I have no friends and that i lie about having them (i had been havign a rough time with a few friends then so it was very hurtfull of ehr to say that)...shes in a band now...and to be honest, i havent heard a good review of them yet from people....and she told ym sister that they are playing at the local music festival....this realyl hit me hard..i told louise that it was my ultimate dream to play there in front of local people/friend/family etc.

It turned out to be a lie..I checked the fests site and her band aint on the line up.

sorry for this being a long post..its just needed to get the whole story across...she threatens me in town, a year ago she send me death threats (not her btu soemone she had got to send them) which made me too afraid to go out..i recieved abusive phone calls, and i had strangers at school coming upto em saying "why did u like about sleeping with her?".......she point is right now i am realyl messed up about it.....about her...

ONe minute ime obsessed with her, the next ime being attacked emotionally by her...now its just petty teasing, but it brings back the memories of when i was facing daily shit form her....

I just want advice...i see her and ime afraid, i dont like going out because she mighit be coming down the street, i darent go uptown in case shes there with her band and they start on me....i just feel useless, and like a nervous wreck....

I just want advice....i dont know who to ask...you guys at the hipforums..i havent knows you all that long..but any advice will do....what can i do?? How can i vlock her out of my mind? how can i forget about her???

Right now i am extremely down about things.....please just give me advice

I feel really afraid, i wish i didnt live as near to her as i do (same street =( )

 

From what I can read it seems that her behaviour is tantamount to harrassment. So if it is really making your life unbearable then I suggest going to the police. Even if you don't want them to take action now you might need them to later.

I say this from experience. About two and a half years ago I met a girl off the net. The circumstances were very different, we had a brief fling lasting no more than 3 weeks and straight away we were arguing. I tried to finish with her and she would call me all the time, in the end I chose to just ignore her.

What followed then was six months of phone calls, emails, finding her camped outside my flat in her car. At one point she even went through the 'guestbook' on a website I had and contacted everyone on it telling them "what a bastard" I was. She was even adding my net buddies to her msn messenger to slag me off. Believe it or not this girl was 28 years old.

The last straw was when she got a mate of hers to smash the mirrors on the car I had at the time, then a week later I had my tyres slashed. This is when I went to the police.

They informed me that it was just as common for men to report this sort of harrassment as it was for women, that they took it very seriously and would support me all they could. At the time I thought that carrying on with the complaint might anger her all the more. But the police uinderstood that and just kept the details on record should I need them in the future.

Two years later she still surfaces from time to time, she no longer has my phone numbers so just uses email to annoy me. I recently had her try to join another website that I run (a forum like this one). I banned her a total of eight times and then one day the site got mysteriously hacked.

I have reported her to the police again and since that she seems to be leaving me alone. (fingers crossed)

There is only so much you can take before you can no longer take the lenient approach. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

Save as much evidence as you can then go to the police.

Answer machine messages - text messages - notes - friends who have seen her do these things etc etc.

The police take this stuff very seriously, believe me.

You need to report her for both yours and her own good... she needs a wake up call.

Failing that... steal her mud? It gets me SOOOO mad when people steal mine
I LOVE MUD!

Seriously though... Good Luck... Love Clairexxx

 

hey daron, first off well done for sharing this...getting something off your chest will take away the burden a lil, and give you back some strength

all the above advice is sound, don't be affraid of reporting her, or for asking help off friends and stuff, and talk about it, don't bottle it up. you could give her a warning, saying you will report her if she keeps harasing you, but if you think this could make matters worse just report her anyway

sorry i can't give ya any advice, because all the wonderfull people before me have given it but i'm around if ever you want to talk. and don't let it get you down!!!

 

Thank you, seriously thank you very much, i will add you either now or later when ime gonna be on a while....

its hard to explain the stuff shes put me through...a few things i forgot to mention on the post (because i kinda rushed it) is that the abuse sarted again a year ago because i told her if my new gilfriend (who i was going to meet in a fewe days for a week in birdlington) wasnt my type at all then i would concider going out with her.....anyway my girlfriend got back off of holiday a week earlier than i did (i stayed with family for an extra week) and Louise had got hold of Elishas e-mail addythrough my old hippy site "comfortably numb".....

I really did just want it to melt away when i got back from beidlington...the stuff i had to deal with, man it was unbelievable....she had got old of all of my online friends and told them i was a loser...she saved convos with them and altered it so that they were all saying how much of a loser i was....one of my friends (who i recently made a post about me and him quitting friendship) actually said that my girlfriend looked like a fucking dog...and he actually said it because when i threatened him he admitted it..

About 60% of ym online contacts accused me of bad mouting them (she had changed convos between me and her and made them out that i was slagging them off) and i was accusoing them of badmouting me after the convos i read....one of my friends, KIm who lives in drbyshire sorted everything out for me one night with everyone and i am eternally gratefull...she got hold of the opriginal convos from people and it all turned out to be made up....

then..as if that wasnt enough..the most hurtfull and terrifying thing happened....my girlfirend recieved death threats from louises mobile...saying what louise often send to one of her old friends who she hates..th same fucking words..."you better watch your back"

Elisha was recieving about 5 messages a day saying "watch your back, you have pushed it too far"....it was like soemthing form that film scream..both me and my girlfriend (then) darent go out because of the horrible death threats.....

I know i should have gone to the police, i know i should have kept the evidence...but everytime i saw the m essages on my girlfriendds phone or on mine, or the e-mail or the death threats...it made me wanan die, i just wanted to end it all...i dont want anyone sayign aww or anything, i know its the approprioate thing to do but i wanted to die and i started cutting myself a lot....

I had top lie and tell my parents that i fell into a bush...from my wrist to my elbow..on the base of my arm i had 3 cuts every 3 centimetres..i remember looking and realising how bad it was.....i had to put ice on my arms everynight because the pain was horrible.....thank god i stopped doing that.

Oh i dunno.....thanks for the offer of the meditation, ime definately going to use your help, thank you very much, i dont even know you, but your sweet and kind and beautiful

 

god man that sounds bad...mine was more of an emotional attack than a tyre slashing thing....besides i dont have a car dude

its horrible though, when someone is doing this....

I remmeber turning round to louise and asking "why o you want to make things hard for me all the time?" and she said "because i love it"

I just wish i knew what drives her to do this shit...why she does it?? obviously she loves it, but why?

 

hehehe

if i ever get any more threats from her then ill definately keep the evidence.....

a thing that scares me is that a year into my collehge course i start in september..a part of it is playing a gig at a local rock bar that she often goes to (not a lot because theres a girl there who wants her head on a pole too) but ime opwrried that ime gonna do a gig with my band then and shes gonna be there.....its horrible..she lives across the street and i always feel like shes watching me, just like i watched her when i had the crush on her

 

man i wish i knew the answer to that question dude...why on earth do people enjoy making other peoples lives a misery? i dont get it either..its so wrong..

i had to deal with 2 years of emotional and slight physical abuse in year 10 and 11 where one girl singled me out for no apparent reason (she even said herself she had no reason) and because she was a strong charcter alot of people followed her until there was a whole gang of nasties that hated me. i am still scared of them to this day and worry about going to my hometown in cornwall incase i see them. its ridiculous.

but i totally understand the fear that can be felt...when someone makes you feel so small. it really hurts..but all this crap in life teaches you and you can find positivity through your struggles. you can learn about yourself and strengtehn yourself. get to know yourself better, see how you deal with conflict and learn to cope...sounds real harsh i know but seriously...when the day comes that this is no longer a problem you will look back and go ..raaa that changed me loads. tough expereinces define our charcters and make us more able to cope with hard situations in the future...

rise above..you know she is riduclous...im sorry its affecting you so harshly..it must be awful but all you can do is rise above and love yourself. tell yourself she is not worth your thoughts..the girl who used to bully me thrived off my reactions...if i was upset or angry it would spur her on further...

i know its crap advice to say ignore it, coz i know thats impossible..but if you can at least put on the pretence that you are ignoring her childish ways she may get over herself and this pathetic abusin.

my thoughts and prayers are with you dude

love luchi xxxx

 

hey man...your signature pictures have given me lots of reflectyion time to be honest...ive read all of em..and theyve all been special to me, and made me think about certain things.....

peace man xx

 

The only reason that this girl carried on with her stuff was to irritate me, she didn't want me back, she just wanted to bug me. It was like she wanted to make my life as hard as she could.

Do your best to ignore her as well. Don't let her in to your thoughts or feelings and don't let her see that you are upset ... it is this stuff that she will thrive off of if you let her.

 

yeh totally...this is totally true...bullies thrive off reactions...try your hardest not to give her any mate

 

thanks, another beautful hipforumser who i dont know that well yet

yeah..i mean, i dont wanan sound like the hippy Niel form the young onjes...but high school really has been hard....

i had her to put up with...i had the same thing but on a lower level in my first 2 years in school...i was beaten up in the first week......grrr people are nasty sometimes....or mroe to the point....PeopleAReSTrange.

I had a group of about 5 girls hurting me a lot by shouting at me..they would call me grease because i wore gel back then....they would shout it at the top of their voice if i was in town...and everyone would look.

In year 11 i came to my senses about em ebing bisexual...and it was a real step to tell my friends but i did...a few accepted..one (yet again the guy ime no longer friends with) didnt accept it and thought it was some kind of joke....

but anyway...in the middle of year 11 all of a sudden there wa a leak in the system..and someone had opened their mouths or slipped up or something...

for about 2 months in PE (i didnt do a lot of PE because i have slight asthma which makes PE difficult..and plus i hate the teacher) i had to go sit with the people who didnt do PE in a room in science..a few of ym friends were there...but this oen girl, and ill say her name, Kerry Howard, told everyone i was gay...she told everyone that i had slept with my friend Kieron, and that i asked him to give me a blow job when i was drunk, which was bullshit...

anyways i had to put up with people calling me gay...some of my friends in school who were alight guys came upto me and said "how could you man? dont be gay!"......one day a teacher stood up for me and it ended suddenly...i think they rung home...but one day in the PE non do-ers room type thing, i just left the room crying because everyone in the room was chanting "gay boy" at me....

high school can be a very nasty place...ime glad ill never have to go back there again

 

oh yeah.....Paul (i think said it) I dont give her my reactions and havent done ofr a long time...sometimes shell shout at me in town or on the streets and ill ignore her...once i think i heard her say "i dont think its him"....

i understand about the reactions though....if people give these people reactions then it continues.

thanks dude

 

duuude...that is the same reason i believe i was bullied...sexuality...i came out as bi in secondary school aswell and there was uproar..especially living in such a small town where everyone knows everyone elses business. as i said, if you ever wana chat online, then im here..we seem to share a similar story...but im happier now than iver ever been..and i believe part of that is due to the fact that i went thru such harshness at school.
its made me less naive about people but also has helped me look at myself and how i deal with problems...and its all worked out for the best

love to you dude
xxx

 

yeah its horrible..i cant see what people see in bringing people down...it seems in high school eevryone wants to be on top of that hill..and would rather bring people down to get there....everyone just wants to be better than everyone else...and because i have long hair and because i listen to "different" music ime not in that fight to the top at all...and because ime not racing to the top people dont wanan know, or do wanna know and make things difficult....


Peace..oh and ill add u on msn

 

dude...i know her...i've met her...and you are so far above her as a person that she's trying to drag you down to make herself feel better...

she went out with my brother for a while...and then broke up with him after 2 or 3 months for no reason...she's been out with six guys since...and they only broke up in february or so...i know it's not easy to hear...but you need to just ignore her...in my experience because you're a guy and she's a girl (albeit an older girl) she'll get the benefit of the doubt because she's female...it's happened to me before a couple of times...i know it sounds like a cop out...and i know you want something to happen about it...but you can't do anything...anything you do will only cause you more grief...and thats what she wants...she wants some sort of twisted revenge for whatever reason...the same way she uses sex to exert her power over guys is exactly what she's doing here...she feels threatened by guys and so has to be stronger/more powerful/more threatening than them...

the only thing you can do is avoid her and wait it out...she'll get bored soon enough...if there's any horrible secrets she's going to tell people about you either get in there first...or just show that it's not a big deal...she will lose her power over once you stop giving it to her...she's scaring you, which means she's stronger...she's upsetting you which means she's stronger...she's basically "fucking with your rota" (a phrase my brother's friend came up with to describe how she treated him) which means she's stronger...you have to be the bigger man here and just put up a wall to her..

she has the same attitude to everyone...and the only thing you can do is ignore her or stand up to her...i've stood up to her before and she really doesn't like it because of whats happened to her in her past with guys...but it's no excuse for her to treat people the way she does...

i can have a chat with her if you want...let me know..

 

honey, I can't give you any advice thats not been given, this is a lovely community always readt to help so if you're not there in time, everythign has been said already!

All I can say is, read the above advice very carefully, be careful yourself even though most of the shit she says is hollow threats, make sure you never ever end up in the wrong because she can claim anything, but if she has even a small bit of evidence against you (yuo shouting at her to fuck off even) then she can really get nasty. stay clean, avoid her. But going to the police is also a smart move. Stay close to your friends, we are always here for you.

Turn this into something positive, it can bring you closer to your friends, it can create the most unlikely friendships with people who are there for you and who have been through the same, people that before you never gave a second glance (through no fault of your own, just that you really did have nothing in common). Always remember that a true friend will stick by you no matter what shit is going on, and no matter what happens in the owrld out there. Just hold your head up high, and remember if ever you need anything, theres a humble little ommunity far out in the corners of the internet that will ALWAYS be herre no matter what, and we will stand by you for as long as you want us to.


peace and love honey, and much positive energy from every single one of us

xxxxx

 

Babe if she says anything else to you again tell me and ill talk to her i know she's a bitch my bros been out with her as well. so just tell ok?

 

wow...who hasn't she been out with?

*sticks hand up in the air enthusiastically*

 

Hey josie dude, thanks for the offer but if you have a word with her itll make things worse...right now i havent had any shit form her apart form the recent "my band are playing the festival and youres arent" thing which is bullshit ebcause like i said the bands are announced...and single white femal are obviously so shit that they arent even playing the frisay night at the snooty fox before clarence.

Just dont mention me to her man..everytime soemone mentions my name near her it starts up...ime doing really well...shges tried to shout me over to her a few times in the last month and ive just ignored her...

Thanks for the offer man...but if she EVER causes any more shit then please say soemthing...but right now its just trying to get my attention and petty lies about her "supposedly" superb band.

Cheers dude, and cheers to you guys for the support

In a few days would it be possible for anyone (proberbly Sal) to delete this threrad just in case she ever thinks about coming onto the site or the forums???? if she sees this thread ime fooked and itll start again...cheers dude