Why live? Why die? Why hurt? Why cry? losing what little faith i had in me

I've had quite a career of "sins" this life. I'm just burdened by the weight of having to live again and again. I've been talking to my brother of everything i've done and how i feel about life. It is starting to make him sick and i can't even admit to him that i've molested our aunt on the last trip we took with her two weeks ago after i told him i molested a girl at a lutheran retreat last week (i'm not lutheran i'm agnostic but my grandparents are) I've been molesting girls i guess since my ex broke up with me last october, from my other post says how that happened. After having a very unhealthy relationship with my ex best freind (he is a guy i'm bi) so now that relationship is over i'm kind of out of any true freinds and i feel sick about what i do. But the problem is deeping i'm splitting i feel it i feel one side of me the me i see in my head that wants help i think so but the voice fades every day that i live. The other side of my the darkness inside wails in my mind what it wants i think i want I don't want to hurt but i do and feelings of rape and murder surface over and over again i walk at night with a knife wanting for a chance and i broke into someone's house and i don't know what i would of done if they didn't find me hiding in their closet and went to sleep with me there. I'm wondering if i can just kill me- self but i'm to weak i want someone to kill me even if I have to force them to the only thing that saves me from going through with these things is i feel i have to rape my ex for sleeping with my ex best friend before i die i'm so tried but i go on i feel sick from molesting my 6 year cousin *sigh* i feel really bad but the one that writes here feels the pain but the one who does it is me i know its me but it doesn't feel like me but i know it is me i can't shift the blame Why live what is their in life my brother thinks if i was able to be in a healthy relationship i'ld be better i know that would be nice but i don't want to live throught the mudane and i want to hurt but i don't want to feel bad

i don't know why i hurt or why i cry at night but living hurts so much

i might not be able to respond for a while becuse my step mom is moving the comp and unpluging the cable WHat i hate the most is feeling bad for my self becuse i know i have a better life then so many other people yet it hurts to live and i don't want to hurt others but i still do

if you want to read my other post can tell some back round info if you're interested thx for reading a long post incest poll ,and this ain't about gayness but sexual harasement ,rape from every angle (get your mind our of the gutter)

 

HOLY FUCK! Work up the courage and kill yourself RIGHT NOW. The world would be a FAR better place without you, you dimwitted aunt fucker.

 

Shock Value!

 

my greatest advice is, get hooked on Phish. it saved my life.

 

so... are you the one that made that other thread "rape from every angle" or whatever?

first of all... you're prolly just fucking around.

however, i dont care. that is your problem.... tempt me and i will call the cops again since you admitted that this time you are not just THINKING about those things but actually did them.

if you are looking for attention or to be funny, you will learn not to fuck around like serious issues like these and/or get some help.

no matter what... get some fucking help, dude. you make me sick.

im not calling the cops right now but i am gonna quote you.... just so the info. that you said is there in case you try to delete it.

 

for possible future reference.

 

dude..you say the you thats typing isnt the you that does those things..so the you thats typing needs to sign yourself into a mental hosp[itol immediatly

 

I think he should drink some bleach..or turn himself into the cops

but mostly, he should stop making shit up

 

Sadly I don't beleive he is making this up, however i have learned the world can be a bad place (mainly because of self absorbed people like sininabain). Regardless the only advice I can offer is get treatment or commit suicide, personaly I don't care the main thing is stop doing what you are doing!

 

if he really did do those things... he's fucking retarded (sorry for that word but yeah) for POSTING about it....

if he DIDNT do those things.... the above applies.

 

right, he simply can't win...either he should be in jail, or he should be ashamed of himself, or both

perhaps we should ask the fbi about it

 

Yo this is not a funny thread at all. Molesting??? Little children? Man I'm not the type to be an ass but sorry If I say man what are you thinking are you retarted!!! I'll call the cops on you myself. This is rediculious and if you are playing around play time is over this is not a funny matter and I'm taking this into serious consideration. You are warned.

 

This isn't the first time he's made a thread like this....

 

This thread is a bunch of bullshit comming from some sexually depraved psycho's mind.

Yes, call the cops on a poster "Sininabin" living in "USA".

 

was he the same one that made that rape one that was like 20 pages long...what happened to that thread

 

http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=99993


and he could be traced, its just a matter of whether it would be a good thing to do or not.

 

thanx for the link...16 pages, do you think this one will go up that far...

 

The only thing I'll say is that committing rape, abuse or molestation is throwing away your right to live.

 

well, i think you guys handled that well!

 

what is phish? and if you think i'm making it up then just disregard this post becuse beliveing that helps no one but i'm not and it doesn't matter if i am or not. BUt i'm surpised by the reaction of this thread all the threats on me, i am surprised that people i don't know would be so quick to phone police at me and send hell my way. I did write rape from every agle and some other in other parts of this page
But what i wrote orginally was not what i really want to say in this post

What i want is why people want to live? WHat motivates you to live? becuse i'm running out of ideas everything seems so shallow and pointless?ONly thing of slight interest is relationships but that just a spark in the dark

I hate to self pity myself but i guess its impossible when writing about personal promblems

Life is a pointless dream that never lasts and one day you awake from it and nothing you have done will be left behind for long for all that remember wake too and your memery of you will be gone