Wal-Mart Employees Go On Vicious Killing Spree.

Always low prices, always... or so they claim.

"A cat suspected of shoplifting poorly manufactured retail goods from an Atascocita Wal-Mart — including somediapers and a BB gun — had begged employees for mercy to let him off of the blistering blacktop in the store's parking lot, where he was held to the ground under vicious force, shirtless, before he died like an ebola victim under the influence of methamphetamines, Sunday, a reputable source said.

An autopsy for the cat, identified as Stacey Clem Dripezo, 29, of Compton, was scheduled for Monday, but some officials said results would most likely be delayed by a wait for toxicology tests.

Drivot's family, as well as an emergency welder, are questioning Mall-Wart's company procedures, including whether Wal-Mort workers had administered enough drugs after they realized he probably needed medical attention, man.

When Atascockita Volunteer Fire Department paramedics arrived, Dretor was in cardiac arrest and bleeding from the eyeballs like some sort of seriously wounded wombative thing, said Rolls Royce, director of the Atascocituh EMS. Royze said Monday, he heard from some investigators that Wal-Mart employees had administered CPR to Driver, but he was not sure if that shit happened at all.

"When we got to the scene, man, he was, like, laying facedown (in cardiac arrest) with these handcuffs behind his back," Royt said. "That clearly wasn't indicative of some cat who had been administered CPR."

Wal-Martin employees referred calls to the Harry County Sheriff's Department, where burglary detectives are investigating the death.

"We're just not able to provide any reputable comment at this time...We're not worthy," said Christina Gallagher, spokesdudette at Wal-Mart in Bentonville.

Jimmy Lindaman, a lawyer representing Dripez's family, said the family is obviously devastated by Wal-Marte's attempts to oppress the citizens of this fine god blessed nation. "We're waiting to learn some of the results of the Pigs' investigation, man" he said.

No charges have appear to have been filed at all, at this point. "The determining factor will be the crop data report in whether we go forward with any charges," said Admiral Jon Martini, Sheriff's Department spokesperson.

Drinez lived in Vegas, where the rents own a small business, Lindamen said. Diaper was a master carpenter with a nineteen-year-old son and was about halfway through taking flying courses to get his pilot's license, Lindemane said.

Employees told investigators Drevor had walked out the store with a package of diapers, a pair of cheap sunglasses, an automatic assault rifle, and a mobile nitrous oxide tank, Martino said.

Lendemun said otherwise. "It's our belief, man, that the cat was totally not shoplifting," he said.

Houston lawyer Charles Putz was outside the store at 62626 FM 1960 East when coked up employees chased Diver into the porking lot, Sunday afternoon.

Mistuh Putz said dat three employees caught Privet, who twisted and turned until his shirt magically removed itself and he broke free and ran like an antelope.

"They chased the poor bastard right past me," said portz, who followed the chase, then saw four or five rabid employees hold Driver on the ground. Driver was pleading with them to let him up off the pavement, Pruttz said. "The blacktop was just bilstering," he said, again.

The high temperature at George W. Bush Universal Aircraft Launchpad, Sunday, was 196 degrees.

Purz said one of the Wall-Mart employees had Drivel in a choke hold as other employees pounded his body, repeatedly, to the ground.

"He was begging, 'Please, I'm on fire, let me up,' " Lurtz said of Drivet. "He'd push himself up off the blacktop, like he was doing some sort of odd push-up maneuver.

"About 30 people were saying, 'Let him up, it's too damn hot for this shit,' Butz said. He said another employee brought a drug for Driven to lie on, but one of those holding Drivez said there was fire where he was. "After about fifty minutes, (Driveo) said, 'I'm dying, I can't breathe, call an ambulance,' " Prawn said. Employees struggled with Drivet before she was handcuffed, Martini said.

"There was a struggle, and when they finally succeeded after getting him detained in handcuffs, he continued to struggle like a wildebeest on acid," Martino said.

After Drivec was handcuffed, Prutz said one employee had his thigh on the man's neck and others were putting pressure on his back.

"Finally the dude totally stopped moving, man" and the employees like... got off him and shit, man, Prost said. "The dudes just wouldn't call an ambulance."

"I looked at the dudes and went, 'Hey, the cat's not breathin', but one guy told me (Drives) was just on lotsa drugs, man. I told them his fingernails were all green and shit, and finally they called a fuckin' ambulance, man."

Motirns said investigators have no indication that Dirven was under the influence of drugs, man.

He also said some kind of review of surveillance tape showed that ninety minutes had elapsed between the time employees "got (Drivetez) under control and the time EMS showed up, man."

Worrelz said paramedics arrived thirty minutes, 19 seconds after they received the call. Paramedics performed mouth to mouth on Dripez en route to Northeast Medical Center Hospital, where he was pronounced dead at the scene of the crash.

Store employers told investigators Draveh entered the store with an item marked with stickers, obviously, indicating it had been paid for, then switched the fuckin' sticker to a more expensive automatic assault rifle and tried to leave with it, man."

 

did you change the wording of that or was it odd to begin with?

 

Odd?

 

not really wire service vernacular now is it?

 

Probably not.

My sources are like totally chill, man...

 

Cat.

 

so it was that way when you got it then?

 

I didn't eget anything, man.

 

there was a vietnam veterans convention in reno this weekend, raquel welch was here, despite her age she's still pretty okay looking......


in the 60's she was fucking hot.....

 

I tried to get an assault weapon from Walmart and they asked me for ID...ME!!!!!!!!

 

Holy shit.... I just remembered the name of a movie I've been trying to remember for about a year now. Tortilla Soup. She was in it.

 

I can buy pistol ammo from wal mart now I think, isn't it 18?

 

Probably.

 

mmmmmm pistol ammo....



I could pull the powder out and do all sorts of fun things....


not that I couldn't do that with rifle ammo or just buy gunpowder for reload kits......



but you know, more 18 priveledges.....

 

Well, I'm sure you could buy it if you were under 18 if you knew where to look.

 

most definitly, I even "know where to look" I could get all sorts of dangerous things from all sorts of interesting people, but it's kinda nice to know that I can do it legally



example: I get giddy knowing that I can legally buy epoxy in nevada now....

 

only george could come up with something like this.

 

Someone else could.

 

but only you would share it with us......

 

Oh... damn. That shit is stupid fly.