2005 California Driver's License Application (Humor)

This is a new Exam. Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in California, you may not have realized that the California Department of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special Application and drivers' tests solely for Californians.



2005 CALIFORNIA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION



Name: ___________________ Stage Name:__________________



Agent: ___________________ Attorney:____________________



Therapist's Name: _________________



If Resident of South Los Angeles:

NAME OF YOUR GANG? _________________

GANG COLORS?________________________

CALIBER OF FAVORITE FIREARM?________

NAME OF PAROLE OFFICER? ___________

If married: Name of Childrens Probation Officer? __________

LAST YEAR OF SCHOOLING COMPLETED? 4 5 6 7 8

I Q LEVEL? [ ]40-50 [ ]50-60 [ ]60-70 [ ]70-80 [ ]80-90

(must provide verification for any box over 70 checked)

Number of girlfriends? ______ (include those on commission)

Number THAT ARE HIV+ ? ______

Number that are incarcerated? _____



Sex: [ ] Male [ ] Female*[ ] Formerly Male

[ ] Formerly Female [ ] Both



*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______

Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way?

[ ] Yes [ ] No



Please list brand of cell phone: ________.



If you don't own a cell phone, please explain why you don't:

_______________________________________________

(Use extra pages, if necessary)



Please check hair color:

Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde



Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple

[ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead [ ] Other ___________



Males: [ ] hairpiece [ ] implant [ ] comb over

[ ] bald (naturally) [ ] bald (shaven)



Please check activities you perform while driving:

(Check all that apply):

[ ] Eating

[ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee

[ ] Applying make-up

[ ] Shaving (male or female)

[X] Talking on the phone

(already checked for your convenience)

[ ] Lifting weights

[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat

[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs

[ ] Tanning

[ ] Watching TV

[ ] Reading Variety

[ ] Surfing the net via laptop

[ ] Discharging firearms / reloading

[ ] Giving / Receiving Oral Sex



Please indicate how many times, while driving, you expect to:

[ ] a) Shoot at other drivers ___

[ ] b) Be shot at ___



If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:

[ ] a) Call the police to report the crime.

[ ] b) Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then

watch your car on the news in a high-speed chase.

[ ] c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against

cellular phone company for your 911 call not

going through.

[ ] d) Call your therapist.





In the event of an earthquake, you should:

[ ] a) Stop your car.

[ ] b) Keep driving and hope for the best.

[ ] c) Immediately use your cell phone to call all

loved ones.

[ ] d) Pull out your video camera and obtain footage

for Channel 9.

[ ] e) Notify the person whose head is in your lap area.







In the instance of rain, you should:

[ ] a) Never drive over 5 MPH.

[ ] b) Drive twice as fast as usual.

[ ] c) You're not quite sure what "rain" is.



Please indicate your current number of therapy sessions per week: ______



Length of daily commute:

[ ] a) Less than 1 hour*

[ ] b) 1 hour

[ ] c) 2 hours

[ ] d) 3 hours

[ ] e) 4 hours or more

* If less than 1 hour, please explain:__________________.





Are you presently taking any of the following medications?

[ ] a) Prozac

[ ] b) Zovirax

[ ] c) Lithium

[ ] d) Zanax

[ ] e) Valium

[ ] f) Medical Marijuana

[ ] g) Zoloft

[ ] h) All of the above

[ ] i) None of the above*

* If none, please explain: __________________.





When stopped by police, you should:

[ ] a) Pull over and have your driver's license and

insurance form ready

[ ] b) Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on

the freeway.

[ ] c) Have your video camera ready and provoke them

to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty

lawsuit profit.



When you see a woman driver with her arm extended out the window, it means:

[ ] a) Her turn-signals are broken.

[ ] b) She is giving an indication she intends to

change lanes.

[ ] c) She is drying her nails.



Which part of your car will wear out first?

[ ] a) The wiper blades

[ ] b) The seat belts

[ ] c) The horn



Automatic door locks are good for:

[ ] a) Security

[ ] b) Convenience

[ ] c) Messing with the heads of people trying to get in.



The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:

[ ] a) Dark, poorly lit roads

[ ] b) Flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way

[ ] c) Revenge



If you are over the age of 75, you do not have to complete this test, you are entitled to drive even though you cannot see, hear, or move. It's called the "Golden Years".

 

That makes absolutely no sense and is completely ridiculous and in no way would resemble any real CA application.

It's in English.

 

haha

 

hehe

SWEET!