I'm so shy...

I'm a bit of a nervous person sexaully, if I'm not totally comfortable... usually I can work around it, but lately its been giving me hell.

I love my boyfriend to bits... and he loves me back, but for some reason, which I dont quite know, whenever he goes to kiss me I pull away and screw my face a little... its as if its automatic cos I dont mean to do it... and not suprisingly, it bothers him.

When he goes down on me, my whole body tensesup and I try towriggle away, even though it feels really good, I just feel heaps uncomfortable, same with when he fingers me, my pussy tightens up and I try and push him out...

I dont mind so much, I can put up with it, but it really puts him off, and he's now to afraid to try anything with me, he says I'm "too timid" he doesnt want me to feel uncomfortable, but I can't help it....

ARGH! What do I do?!?!?

 

umm yeah that really sounds weird, I've never heard of anything like that... I can only say try to go _really_ slow, but I'm sure you've already tried that

 

Thats easy come on over here, and we will work it out Im just bullshitting, just let him know that you cant help it or talk with him and see if he has any ideas to make you feel more at ease... I kinda do know what ya mean cause my last girl kinda did the same and it really fucked with me. We talked and kinda tried to go slower about things and Basically i let her take over the bedroom so she would hopefully feel more comfortable. That probably dont help, but good luck

 

I've tried talking to him, but he still doesnt see any point. I know he really likes kinky sex, and I'm not afraid to try stuff but I keep giving off all these accidental negative signals and it fucks with his head... and then he doesnt want to... *sigh*

 

guitarslinger might just be on to something, if you feel uncomfortable take control

Just put on the S/M gear, strap him up and do your thing

 

yeah maybe,I would like to get him a vibrator, but I think thats something an individual should choose...

I'm totally willing to do stuff, but the fact that hes so uncomfortable about me being a little jerky puts me off as much as it does him, and in the end we both end up too scared to have sex anyway

 

Has this happened with any other partner of yours? I dont know and dont want to step outta my place here but could it just be him thats your uncomfortable with?

 

I was wondering the same....it may just be him. Are you happy in your relationship with him,do you feel at ease with him in every other way? I ask,because,I was the same with one of my exes. He would complain that everytime he hugged me,I would tense up and pull away. I didn't even realize I was doing it...and it wasn't just the hugging,it was everything. I was tensing up and pushing him away,all the time. It was definitely to do with the rest of our relationship. He had made me uneasy in other aspects of the relationship,and it carried over into the physical parts.

 

If it isnt what wonder girl is refering to (though she has a good point) then maybe something physical thats relaxing would be a good start, has he ever given you a real long massage? It could help you relax while he's touching you.

edit: oops i just noticed that dandillion left her account signed in on my computer, this is actually pablo.

 

Maybe there's just bad vibes between the two of you. To counter it, you could try a role reversal. Makeout with him and what not, so that you know you're in control of what's happening. Once you guys get into it, you should be relaxed enough and then maybe he could try to go down on you.

 

OTOH perhaps it isn't him? I mean, it's not unheard of, but is there anything in your past that might be facilitating this?

I'm an abuse survivor and spent YEARS with sexual issues. Or maybe it's him.

 

Retro, I can totally relate. But when ANYONE touches me I tense up and jerk back, which sucks cuz I love being touched.

Try taking a hot bath first and breathe deeply and slowly for 5 minutes to really relax.

 

have you ever been sexually violated before? maybe you've had not so good encounters in the past and psychologically it turns you off. try getting comfortable with him by just spending some time around each other naked, but not jumping all over each other. take a shower together and try to be playful

 

It always sucks when girls are sexually abused or even just abused in general. That's one thing that gets me. I hate how the majority of guys don't give women equal if not greater respect than themselves. Shouldn't our human goal be selflessness? If I can ever find a good hip girl, I would treat her like the goddess she is.
But back to the topic on hand, gruvenmama's suggestion is good. Go for playful nakedness. Everyone loves being naked and playing just makes it like ten times cooler.

 

sound advise so far...lemme add my 2 bits to it. Though this might sound kinda wierd, I still would go ahead say it since you want a solution. As you both are okay with each other and want sex, you might ask him to start arousing you when you are asleep...this might take away that instinctive tightening in you!! As you are aroused, you yourself would want more of it as you awake and more aware...I dunno if this works...but just trying to help you in whicheva way!

All the very best...should you try this and it works, gimme the story.

indianguy

 

awww thanks everyone...

I still dont know how I'll go. I kinda feel like a kid being punished for something they did accidentally....

 

Could it be that you just aren't attracted to him anymore?:H

 

Intuitionally, do you trust him utterly? I don't mean logically, or what you think--I mean would you feel slightly uneasy if you said you trusted him absolutely? Whatever answer you come up with, trust yourself and set your 'man standards' high. In life, you end up getting what you settle for.
The other thing I have to say is just the same as what wondergirl said.

 

I hate to tell you this but you are with the wrong guy. You may love him but there's something there that is not connecting.

When you find "Mr. Right' things will work normally, even if you've been like this all your life.

Either that or you're nuts. j/k!


.

 

Aren't you the one who said they were going to surprise their boyfriend by showing up in one of the hottest outfits I've ever seen described?

To the point which I had to show my girlfriend and be like *cough cough* do that *cough cough*.

Well hon at the moment my impression is that you obviously care for and love this guy... so giving up I don't think is an option quite yet.

May I suggest taking things really, REALLY slow. Have a night when you start at 3 pm or something and just hang out all night, VERY SLOWLY seducing each other. Perhaps you are being a bit unconciously timid because your body isn't turned on yet, but the mind is? What always seems to work for my girl when shes a bit timid is to tease her oh so slowly. I mean like hours worth of teasing until she finally snaps and is so randy that my clothes are on the floor in pieces. Which by the way is obviously helpful for a nice steamy night of wild hott monkey sex.

Another thing to try is just to conciously think about it and let things happen, if you want them to. If you have a caring, understanding boyfriend then he'll understand, and in the end everyone will win and my dear you will be wet enough to send a tsunami his way.

If you two love each other, then you will find a way. Try using that outfit you described in another post with all of it. Just have fun with it and relax, even if you have to do breathing exercises.

Well good luck with everything hon, let me know how it goes I'll be rooting for you.

-Litos