The World Lost

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by TrippinBTM, Jul 30, 2005.

  1. TrippinBTM

    TrippinBTM Ramblin' Man

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    A work in progress, as it were. Critique welcome.

    The World Lost

    His world he set up around him
    Ideas and meanings held up at arms reach
    Mind busy, rearranging the notions in his head
    All seen and known by him but a reflection of his conceptions
    Where even the holy is caged in mental abstraction

    But pain ever haunts his latticework world of logic
    Like a shadow he is followed and preceded
    By this crystallized cage of confusion
    Problems clinging like burrs to a dog
    Unshaken by the distances traveled
    Only causing painful tangles in his life

    Adrift in his fog, aimless in his sea
    The world lost to him, forgotten,
    Abandoned to the shadows of his mind
    Left for dead upon the rocky shores of time
    Where the long-lived waves come to die

    And the world becomes a living hell
    A waking nightmare to the unknowingly asleep
    Destroyed by the panicked terror of his fantasy
    Having lost sight of the world, the world lost
     
  2. natural23

    natural23 Senior Member

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    Originally addressed to DSK AKA ISL AKA .. :

    They laughed, and they laughed, and they laughed


    He who had seen like no other
    felt the pain of the ascetics
    And in a world of normalcy
    was quite often alone

    And when he did stroke
    a deep hidden pain did he yoke
    But the crowds spoiled and
    full of judgement
    felt that he didn't fit their budget

    Now these followers not seeing
    and so technically adept
    missed a genius while they slept





    .
     
  3. realityneversticks

    realityneversticks Member

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    Awesome free verse. I especially like the line "Where the long-lived waves come to die". Keep up the good work.
     
  4. gdhmomchild

    gdhmomchild Duct tape abuser

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    Really liked the first and second stanzas. Didn't care for the last one much. Didn't have the panache the others did and without that it seemed too dramatic to me.
     
  5. sylvanlightning

    sylvanlightning Prismatic Essence

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    What can I say...

    The world is found anew with each breath.
    We open our eyes to find a changing stream of love and light.
    Cradled in our mothers arms with fullness of unconditional love
    showering blessings all about us.

    Gratitude changes what we have into abundance.
     
  6. TrippinBTM

    TrippinBTM Ramblin' Man

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    Thanks everyone for your replies

    I think you're right, that last stanza is superflourous
     
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