uncaring parents of rebelios teens (input needed)

ok..first of all, i'm going to exclude any names or personal details & try to keep things as general as possible, but i need input on this issue so i can understand it better..
first off, i have many many freinds who trust me with theyre most intimate details of life.. and several are teens whjho are in very real trouble, yet theyre uncaring parents refuse to even recognise the problems, even when theyre slapped in the face with them.
1 girl in particular had been through severe traumas lately, and her mother made things worse by making her blame herself for 1 thing..& hide the pain & pretend to be perfect so she wouldnt be an embarrassmemnt
yesterday.. she tried to kill herself.. overdose..
she was rushed to the hospitol.. but instead of staying with her..her mom rushed home to se who shed been talking to & find out what family secrets she might have disclosed.. instead of worrying about her childs health shje only seemed worried about how shed look..
it got worse..after that i suggessted the girl needed counceling & the mom said no she needs an exorcism then went on to say she was only doing it to embarrass her
i told her she waswrong & that the girl had real very deep pain & issues & her mom was like from what> shes just a drama queen (her mom just a week before had found out the girl had been sexualy abused..but blamed that on the girl too) i mentioned that abuse & she just said oh..shes over that..(it was just montrhs ago) i said you never get over that..but you nreed therapy to learn to deal with it without being self destructive & she basicaly dismissed it as being just more drama aimed at hurting her reputation.
theres more to it but thats enougy to give u the basic idea..

and the thing is..shes not the only 1 i taljk to with these problems.. but that was the 1st time i talked to 1 of the moms..& sfter i wasshaking for hours..i wanted to slap her silly & scream wake thef%$k up youyr daughters dying & u only vcare how u look.

my question is..why do parents act this way? (mine did to somewhat..but not this bad) why is it theyre reputation is more imprtant then the life & mental health of theyre child..& what can be done sabout it..for the parent, or child?

 

Nothing can be said really, just felt. Learn to forgive, in a very deep way I guess, is what I would tell the girl. Ps You can get over abuse, I'm in the process of it now, definately possible, if you fill yourself up with love and blessings and exchange those blessings with other like minded, opened hearted souls.


Namaste
Francine

 

How old is this girl? If she needs help,and her mother won't provide it or help her...then she needs to find help elsewhere. Does she live here in the States?
I can't really comment on why her parents would be that way....I'm not a parent,and luckily my parents weren't like that. I wish I could help,SE...surely there are places,near the girl,where she could find some counselling or anything to ease her pain.

 

the abuse is fresh though..& ..had..other consequences resulting in a very deep sence of loss..i dont want to get ino details..but my point is the mother just.. didnt care the intence pain her child was in..only how it made her look

 

shes 17 i think..& wont get help on her own..i beleive cause she feels like it would only hurt her family yes shes here in the states

 

Well..I can't help but worry that she'll attempt to harm herself again. Like I said,I can't really comment on why parents are like that...my thoughts go straight to this girl. If she doesn't want help though,it would be hard to talk her into something she doesn't want to do. All you can do is support her and let her know that people do care very much.

 

Kids emulate their parents. Take a close look at yourself and maybe the problen will become more evident.

 

i told the mother that her kid wont survive long if she didnt get her help..& the mother totaly blew me off..the sad part is..i can think of about 6 teens i talk to..who i know far better then theyre parents..
this mom said she knew her daughter was taking pills..but then in the next sentence said she doesnt care to know any of her freinds or who she spends time with..all she cares about is what the girl might say about her (the mom)

 

This mom sounds sick to me. Why would any parent say they are not interested in knowing their child's friends. When my big kids were little I wanted to know everyone they hung out with. I liked to have them hang out at my house so I could keep an eye on things. I'm sure that won't change much as Dakota grows up. Right now he doesn't hang out unless I'm with him. But as he grows up you can bet I'll want to know who he's with and their families too.

This poor child needs help now. She won't live to get help later. And then what will people thing about this mom.

Kathi

 

I don't understand, as a parent, how this "mother" can be so selfish and uncaring. If this were my child, I would do everything in my power to help her.


Nothing should be more important to a parent than the well-being of their child.

 

i agree with you both..& even just as a freind i've tried damn hard to help.. but it seems they want to just deny there even isa problem..i was so crazy after talkng to this mother i wanted to scream..
what would you do in my situation? a beautiful & sweet young girl could easily die if something doesnt change..and soon..

 

If the girl is in a hospital from an attempted suicide, I don't think that the hospital will be satisfied with "she's OK now" from the mom. There is little you can do about mom, but if the daughter trusts you enough, you might suggest that she get counseling. The suicide prevention people will hand her some phone numbers before she leaves the hospital.

 

good point, but it seems to me the mom would jeopordize any attempt at councelng as a bad reflection on her..i suggested therapy..& shes conncidered it but said she cant afford it..i asked about her parents insurance & she said that that wasnt an option since it would show up on records & make them look bad..its really a sickning situation.

 

The social work people that get involved with teen suicide attempts would be skilled at getting around uncooperative parents. There are resources for the teen that do not depend on her mom's approval. Connecting the kid with someone who knows the system (i.e. any teen counseling professional) would be useful.

 

wel i doubt that it wil be deemed a suicide attempt..although i know it was it will probly be written up as an accidental od.. since the mom will say shes done it before & only does it for attention..

but thanks for the input it helps & i think we can just let this thread drop unless anyone has anything very important to add

 

my daugther(almost 17 now)had a drugs and alcohol problem when she was 15
she had the wrong friends who took her to coffeeshop to smoke and buying her alcohol in schoolbreaks
after a while i found out she had this problem because her behavier changed at home
she skipped a lot of school and was going out on the stree to drink and smoke
i confronted here by the facts and offcourse she denied
then i went to a sort of counseling-bureau for information what to do
that time was sohard for me because my daugther was lying all the time and did`t give a thing about how we were hurt by the whole thing
after some time when she was a little clear in her head i talked her in to going for counseling
at first she found it stupid but after some time she saw that this was not the way to life her life
it took some time but now she doing fine
sometimes she still takes a smoke but hardly anymore
i`m not clapping my hands, not yet but i believe she on a rising line!!
but anyway,i think,as a parent you have to do everything possible what`s in your reach to help out
how hard this time can be,you cannot think about your self at that moment like the mother in the above story

it could be my daughter is going back to where she started which i dont think,but then again,i will be there again to help her out
i will not let my daugther go to waste

(sorry for my bad englisch,but i think you know what i `m trying to say)

 

But what do you do about a parent who DOESN'T want to do the right thing and stand by thier child? What linda is describing is what people do for thier families. What Soaringeagle is talking about isn't. As just a friend do you have the right or obligation to go around the parents? Soaringeagle, maybe you need to talk to the hospital about what this kid's been thru. Might not make you very popular with the Mom, but it could get the girl what she needs.

 

I find it hard to beleive that if the mother refuses to allow a child who either did try suicide, or just "accidentally" ODed to get counseling, that Child Protective Services will not get involved. They follow up with these kids. Therapy is provided, even if the parents "can't afford it."

Call CPS, if they don't follow up. This child is already "in the system" if she ODed, I am betting, so the mother can't just pretend it didn't happen.

It really doesn't matter what the mother "says." CPS is used to dealing with lying, shitty parents. They really try to help these kids, and are used to parents walking around with blinders on. IF this child is really in trouble, they won't listen to a word her mother says. They know kids in trouble and are skilled at dealing with parents who don't want to get involved. In fact MOST kids in the CPS system have parents who lie about the situation, and tell CPS things which are not true to make themselves look better. This doesn't fool good CPS agents.