My boyfriend and I broke up almost two weeks ago. I've been in and out relations since I was 16 so this is really for the first time that I'm single and not running after my hormones or looking for a relationship. However, most of my friends are male and I notice that now I'm single they are starting to act a little different and it freaks me out! I'm getting soooo paranoia over it.. argh! This guy for instance, whom I thought to be 'just a friend' suddenly is *very* caring for me and even said things like 'I miss you'.. it's creepy.. my intuition says this is not 'just' a friend but that he wants more. Why.. why why why can't men stop thinking with their dicks for ones and treat you like the person you've always been? I don't want to loose friends this way.. *sigh* Complicated stuff.. anyone here feels what I'm trying to say?
To be honest, it is not that complicated, just be impeccable with your word always. In my thinking, there are three things necessary for a relationship to succeed whether it is 'friend' relationship, 'boyfriend'/girlfriend' or 'business' there are three things to keep in mind always while speaking with them about something: 1) is it necessary? 2) is it true? 3) is it harmful? In this case, it is necessary to tell him that it is creeping you out it is true that you only think of him as a friend it is not harmful because if he is a good friend, he will respect your decision. Simple... but be sure that he has such feelings for you... So you first need to comfirm it. Men are not always thinking about sex, I am a guy and i do not always think about sex. To stereotype all men into such a category is to put yourself in the deep darkness of ignorance.
Yeah.. well.. easier said than done. And yes, I'm sure that's what he meant, in fact, the term 'booty call' comes to mind. I just have to get readjusted to my new 'status' I guess.. having a boyfriend always was a nice barriere.. it filtered out the ones who were interested in me as a person and the ones that wanted more. Now I'll have to use my own judgement for that and I'm afraid it's gotten a little rusty. I know not all men think about sex all the time, no need to call me ignorant.. but I do think it's kinda hard to have close male friendships when you're both single. At least, it's more difficult then when you're in a relationship. Ah well.. any females who recognize something in this?
Maybe he's lonely and hinting that he'd consider a loving and caring relationship with you? As you tell the story, it could be just "thinking with his dick" or it could involve more, and not indicate he's being selfish. Doesn't every successful relationship begin with two single people finding each other? If he's someone you like, but you don't have that kind of interest, you could say, "You seem to have the idea of a possible romance in mind, but I'm afraid lightning hasn't struck me. Can we just continue the way we've always been?" If you don't like him, you could be a bit less kind about turning him down.
Yeah, could it not also be that as you've just come out of a relationship he's trying to make you feel better by showing that there are still people in your life who care for you? It is a bit harsh to assume he just wants sex!
Well.. I'm not assuming.. I know. I told him that, being just out a a relation, I'm not searching for a new one.. his answer was that he wasn't looking for one either, but that we could have fun 'ones'.. I told him that I wasn't really into that either but he kept trying to persuade me, even telling me he wants to lick me and give me an orgasm etc. Ah well.. I mean.. I know he's a good person and he means well, maybe he's just a bit clumsy in expressing that he cares or something.. or maybe this is his way of offering comfort. I dunno.. I feel more at ease about it now.. but yesterday it pretty much freaked me out.
