I lost all my friends.

Maybe it's the town I live in, maybe it's just me.

I've had my dreads for close to 3 months now. I've seen a huge change in how people treat me.

I've had so many comments from my boyfriends friends saying "how could you let her do that? she was so pretty before"

things like that hurt, but not nearly enough as what happened last night.

I was calling a friend of mine because she had blown me off a few times and I wanted to know what was up. she said

"how can you expect us to want to hang out with you when you look like you got electricuted? your hair is so gross. how can you think that hair knotted up so much you have to cut it off looks decent. we're embarrassed to be around you. if you would stop trying to look like a freak, maybe things would be different. what are you trying to accomplish anyway?"

I am so hurt. I don't know what to do. I tried making new friends but it seems like the only people that appreciate my style are high school goths.

I don't know what to do. I've never compromised my looks for anyone, but I am really lonely and I need friends to talk to, to hang out with, to lean on, ect. It just makes me so sad.

 

really, if you consider the person who said that to you a friend, there are people out there that dont care what yur hair looks like.....i just had started my dreads, and decided to get rid of em to get a job...here, theres no way anyone would hire me with dreads :/ sucks.......people are so superficial, it makes me want to hate......but i dont .......anyway, if your looking for some online friends, so am i!

 

how big is yer school? i go to a really small school but im sure it would be easier for me to have friends in a small school no matter what but big schools suck! i went to a big school and they are MEAN there and it is hard to not have friends no one to talk to i don't really know what to tell you but i here

 

Damn.. those people suck bigtime.. and.. no offense.. how did you manage to get along with such narrowminded elitist people before? Sure it's not only the hair that makes you different?

But for once I have to agree with Blackie.. doesn't seem like you lost much.. get out and make better friends.. you look beautiful and you always seem like a really nice person in your post. Fuck them.. you deserve way better. And untill you have new real life friends again you can spend your time here, with us

 

I don't go to school. I've been out for 3 years.

and yes, I know the old "if they care that much about your appearance then they weren't true friends to begin with" ect... but guess what- I'd rather have a few aquaintences than no one at all.

I mean it- I HAVE NO FRIENDS NOW

I've already tried meeting new people, but my town is so small, everyone already knows me.

Looking beautiful (in my eyes) isn't worth being 100% alone.

I really need some support or help. I want to chop my hair off and get a blond wig and ruin my skin by tanning and look in the mirror and never be satisfyed as long as I get some freakin human contact.


I want to be accepted as me, but if I'm not, is it really worth it have no one?
and if everyone in this shithole town is superficial do I just suffer and be an introvert until I have enough money to move? (which is years from now)

 

hey, stop that.. all the people on this board (well, at least some) are humans! Just add people to your IM list, they might be on the other side of the world but trust me, that can be better sometimes than having rude ass friends in real life while you are ignoring yourself.

Can't you focus on work totally for a while.. make some money and leave that shitty town for traveling or relocating? Seems that you are in a place of your life that is forcing you to make some huge descisions.. just don't ignore yourself.. or else I guarantee you, you won't be happy no matter how many 'friends' you've got.

 

haha, how did I deal with it? alcohol.

no, people didn't mind hearing about my different viewpoints and weird opinions and they really didn't even mind my clothes that much but after I dreaded my hair, I got the "ugh" looks from everyone. apparently it makes me dirty, I have bugs, I dont' shower, and it just might be contagious.

I knew they were shallow, but I never thought people would stop all contact with me over something so petty.

 

Just a question.. do you think they'd even accept you back fully if you were to cut or untangle your hair? Maybe it was already the last straw for them.. just painting a worst case scenario for you hear.. I truly don't want you to shave your head only to find out that you still are not accepted.

 

yeah, I have a decent job. I excel in business.

unfortunately I work for a really unorthedox place. so my dreads are accepted, but that doesn't mean I'm paid well. I make enough to pay my bills. I'm lucky if I can put away more than 20 bucks a week. of course my car is draining me... but that's another story.

I'm just so lonely and I feel beaten down. Sure, i'm fighting a battle for myself, but i'm not winning anything but self respect. Important- yes, but I'm just not entertaining enough for myself!!

 

maybe, maybe not.

I know that if I did, I would be able to go out and possibly meet new people without seeing odd looks, pointing fingers and adults grabbing thier children out of my path.

I could get another job, and get the hell out of here if I looked "normal"

 

shit girl, you really live in an odd place.. overhere I see people with dreads all the time.. even small kids (damn that's cute by the way).. no problem at all. Maybe if you want to join the police or army or sth governmental.. but other than that...

I'm sure there most be a bigger city close to you that isn't so narrowminded?

 

the closest city I live to is Buffalo, NY USA

any less narrowminded? god, I sure hope so!

 

You can always do when my friend did. get an overdraft. move somewhere more liberal ...like...canada .... and earn back the money to pay the bank off.

...its a long shot

 

what's an overdraft?

 

Time to change your hair style. = gee that was simple.

 

An overdraft is kinda like an extention on your balance for example
if you had a $1000 overdraft if you had no funds in your account
you can borrow up to $1000 from the bank free of charge, but you must
pay it back or have your account in to plus funds for at least 30 days in the year. or something along thoes lines

But yeah, moving sounds like a good Idea, In the U.K dreads are
still fround upon but are getting more socially acceptable

but I still get funny looks every now & then, but I do hope things
work out for you !!! You do seem a realy cool chic
& if you need a chat, P.M me

 

I think you'll find that you chose this path for a reason and I think you're probably witty enough to turn things back on your "friends" to mirror to them just how retarded there criticisms are. I know that if you went to SUNY Fredonia where I used to attend school, you'd find hundreds of friends with the same beliefs and a good amount with dreadlocks even. It's too bad your town is so narrow-minded, but phuck 'em.

I live in Buffalo and the reactions were definately mixed when I had dreadies. But the journey was worth it to me at the time (I only got rid of them for a job - ok, so i'm only a sellout. ) But, I think you should stick out the journey that you've embarked on and allow this frustration your experiencing to sharpen your character and broaden your horizons. It's what I wished I would've done. But, now I'm still at square one, with braids...Looking for someone here to dread me up again.

I think that if you just stick things out ...and look at the positive, you will be finding new and better, more intellectual and open-minded friends to spend your time with. And if you ever want to party college style in Fredonia - meet some danks kids... I can point you to at least 4 or 5 party houses were you will meet some of the most extraordinary people you've ever met. Hang in there -Zack

 

if you think it's as easy as that, you're an idiot

 

Headymoe, you are certainly at a crossroads in your life. I know what you're going through because I went through the same thing a few months ago.

You have to ask yourself...what is more important? Your self respect and being true to yourself, or your social life? If you're not truely happy with yourself then your social life will always be a struggle and any relationship you have (friendship or acquaintances) will always suffer. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy in the presence of others.

Go places alone...if you go places alone, you always have a better chance to meet new people. If you're constantly surrounded by your friends/acquaintences, you'll be less likely to meet others. Go places where having dreads is more accepted. I found a bar not too far from my house that often have reggae bands, open mic nights, and awesome beer. I've met so many people there! Much more interesting and open minded than my "old friends".

You're not losing out on anything...you're gaining your independence. Find people who have the same ideas as you. Volunteer somewhere, go to jamband shows...surround yourself with people who have the same "style" as you.

Trust me...don't change for others. You'll only make yourself unhappy.

 

well im not going to let a hairstyle loose all my friends so even if i had to shave it clean i would. life sometimes needs a bit of compramise. in the animal kingdom those who did not adjust well PERISH!