Two Little Notebook Poems

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by ripple23, Jul 19, 2005.

  1. ripple23

    ripple23 Member

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    waking in a room
    the color of mist
    and patience
    it's long gray cape connecting
    two
    bluesier kisses

    (a sigh in the
    stairway
    is curved and manipulated)

    Over the chatter of floods I can hear
    smiles sifting about
    in another room

    *

    Not the day- but something
    in it's newness

    the way you mention beauty
    when your hands are full of morning

    though it is not so much the division
    of your sighs
    but how you wear them

    like a willow reaching towards
    the weeping ground.
     
  2. fulmah

    fulmah Chaser of Muses

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    really enjoyed this one; great job with the flow and breaking up the images, giving them space to breath. I also liked the tone of this, it has a vibe to it that's really beautiful and is brought out just right. both pieces also seem to belong together!

    that's simply yummy [​IMG]
     
  3. gdhmomchild

    gdhmomchild Duct tape abuser

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    Loved the part fulmah posted and this the most. Loved your wording...the color of mist nd patience got and kept me right there.

    though it is not so much the division
    of your sighs
    but how you wear them
     
  4. Firebelle

    Firebelle Member

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    Wow, Ripple...i liked the last poem the best (I assume they are two separate poems) it feels good to be back here :)
     
  5. KittenX

    KittenX Purrrific

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    Sooo romantic it made me ache. Loverly both poems are very well done.
     
  6. trekker

    trekker Intrepid Traveler

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    Two very beautiful poems with a morning theme. I felt transported to another place while reading them. I like the imagery of the willow in the weeping ground best. [​IMG]
     
  7. ripple23

    ripple23 Member

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    BECAUSE IT WOULD BE A SHAME IF I WERE DEAD AND YOU WEREN'T.

    thanks everybody!

    and yes, technically they are two different poems.
     
  8. Moonjava

    Moonjava Senior Member

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    I really liked the first one... especially the ending. Good job!
     
  9. sylvanlightning

    sylvanlightning Prismatic Essence

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    Wow, I'm glad I missed this the first time.
    Such a joy to discover these subtle aching sighs...

    'like a willow reaching towards
    the weeping ground.'

    So tender, we kiss the ground in so many ways.
    Touching and powerful in its gentleness
     
  10. Moonjava

    Moonjava Senior Member

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    How RUDE!!!! Jerk.
     
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