Hey all, this is my first post in here. It'll probably be a bit of a rant with no real direction but here goes. I'm totally over this. Sex and the whole concept of sex is really starting to get me down. Crazy isn't it. I'm just so sick of the pressure. Performance anxiety I guess. I've been in 2 long term relationships, a 3 year and a 2 year over the last 6 years. You'd think in that period of time I'd become comfortable and confident enough with my partners to not be worried about performance. Sometimes I come to quickly, bloody hell this pisses me off. There seems to be no remedy available (none that are low profile anyway). It wouldn't happen all the time, but enough that it was ALWAYS on my mind during foreplay and intercourse. I've tried jerking off a couple of hours before hand, but this doesn't help as much as I'd like. Sometimes as soon as I'd enter my girlfriend I'd feel things start tingling downstairs and I'd spend the rest of intercourse trying to stop myself coming every 30 seconds. As soon as I'd try to go faster and she'd start to enjoy things more I'd have to back off. Stop, start, stop, start. The cycle would usually continue until finally I'd lose the urge to fight it - and just come. I'm no longer in a relationship. I broke up with my girl about 2 months ago. She never came once yet I was with her for 2 years. Hey there were times where sex would last for ages, one time I went for over an hour. But I don't know, things just never really clicked for her. I could get my last girl to come (well so she tells me) but even then sex was rarely fun. I'm always worried about what I'm doing or what's gonna happen next. Sex shouldn't be this way. And now I'm in the world of the single man. Kinda enjoying it actually but the other night I brought a girl home for my first ever 'one night stand'. I was pretty wasted and of course what happens? I could hardly get it up before rolling over and giving up. I decided to blame the alcohol and made a bit of a joke about it. This chick was cool and didn't seem fussed at all which was good. But about a week later I gave her a call and got her to come round and visit again. Time to redeem myself..... Ha! Right. This time, sober as a judge, I once again fail to get it up. Shame. Embarrasment. She was once again cool about it but by now my confidence around her had been completely destroyed. And to make things worse, my flatmate was having it off with some girl in the next room complete with sound effects. What a way to soften the moment. I'm a young guy, early twenties. I have a great bunch of mates, good family, lots of friends and a secure job. But sex for me has become such a head-screw that it makes me depressed just thinking about it. I've forgotten what good sex is. All I ever hear are stories from my mates about having awesome sex. I'm sick of all this performance anxiety. I'm sick of all my hang ups and body malfunctions. My mind is on a roller coaster, I've got no idea what to do. Sex just ain't fun anymore.
I wouldn't worry about it. If you meet a girl that you fall in love with; & she adores you - she isn't gonna care whether you perform well or not.Or even if you are a damp squib. The mere fact that you are there: - giving her sensual affection will turn her on. In the old days (here we go :H ).......... when all sex had to be contained within marriage ;- Women didn't chain themselves to the railings of Parliament because their Husbands "came too soon". It's only in these Porno DVDs & stuff where all the Men spurt gallons of spunk everywhere & have maintained 20" erections for three hours solid.(& their faces look like a major coronary artery is gonna burst before they reach 35 years old).
Hey mate, thanks for your reply. You're absolutely right. When I meet the right person I'm sure performance will be a minute issue in our relationship. However I'm not looking for a girlfriend at the moment as I've been through a lot of relationship time for someone so young. I need to be free for a while. The guys who I share a flat with, my mates, like to get up to mischief. Especially one in particular, he's slept with 29 girls already and to me that's mind blowing. I don't really respect the effort but it's that kind of atmosphere that I'm living in at the moment. "Be a player, get the chick, rah rah". Girls are trophies. It's kinda sick and I find it hard to handle. I've slept with 3 girls. Only my closest mates know this but it makes me feel pretty insecure. I'd like to be with more girls but I reckon with the way things are in my head at the moment I'll be to afraid to bring them home! The feeling I get from not getting it up or coming to quickly is enough to make me wanna vomit. Mixed sensations and clashing emotions. Pretty turbulent as I'm an intimate person too, I like to be close to people. That's probably why I've been in relationships rather than playing the field.
I concur. If the girl you had the "one night stand" with doesn't have a problem with your "performance anxiety," perhaps you should have a heart-to-heart talk with her about it. Who knows? She might turn out to be the right companion for you -- caring and accepting of you as you are. What have you got to lose? Sometimes the most fulfilling relationships happen when you least expect them. -- Skeeter
also, i think the trick to great sex is really to just have fun with what you're doing... relax adn don't worry about any goals. there really shouldn't be a goal of cumming or lasting for so long or whatever... just enjoy the moment that you're with the girl... you know? this'll probably be kinda difficult with a one night stand, since there is more of an objective in this case (both ppl get off and then you're done with it) but, if you're really worried about making a girl cum, there are many other ways to do that besides actual intercourse... and i'm sure they would appreciate it. hmmm maybe you should try to figure out what you want from sex, how you feel about it, do you really want to have one night stands? why? obviously it's causing some stress for you right now... then go from there.
Storys from your mates are probably a bit exaggerated. Your bodys not malfunctioning. Its malfunctioning when you can't come at all. You should spend more time (like as long as you want) doing things that wont make you cum, like pleasure her. Then after awhile just stick it in and go as long as you can (if ur balls don't turn blue by then, hahahahahaha!). Try not to think about what your doing, and don't look at your partner, and you last longer by yourself. Some guys balls don't turn blue, back to my dfsd. The guys in many porno movies are on drugs.
Squeeze the muscles in your dick that you would to make yourself piss real hard. So long as you hold those muscles, you will not orgasm. Not physically anyway. It can take some practice and a good deal of concentration though.
Thanks very much for your reponses everyone. I think the core of the problem is that today's society puts so much emphasis on mind blowing sex being the be all and end all of all of good relationships. I think I've fallen into this belief too. I used to get frustrated with my gf because we didn't have sex as much as I'd like. Consequently she'd get frustrated because to her it seemed it was all I was ever interested in. It was a vicious cycle that lead to much bickering, arguments and tense nights sleep. I believe this sexual frustration between us indirectly lead to other aspects of our relationship falling down. It was the beginining of the end. Of course when we did have sex it was such a monotonous procession. Bit of kissing, clumsily undress, touchy feely then intercourse. How boring. She didn't like me going down on her, she didn't like giving head and she wasn't really the adventurous type. Sex was always such a battle. I had to be on my best game to actually get some, and if I did I'd spend so much effort on trying to make her enjoy it.... while she'd put on her best effort to show what a great girlfriend she was to put herself through torture to make me happy. And when I kept fucking things up in the sack it wasn't really enticing her for more was it. It had become such a chore for her. She'd even admitted the fact in those exact words too. It wasn't always like this. From my experience good sex comes from being really in love, being happy, relaxed and comfortable with myself and my partner. Maybe I'm just not the one night stand type. I must admit I had a genuine hollow and sick feeling in my chest when my one night girl left in the morning. I felt a connection but wasn't able to embrace it. Being intimate with someone and then having to just put it out of mind was a new experience for me. I didn't really dig it at all. Very sad. Especially as she's an English tourist who's leaving for home tomorrow. It's a shame as I'll probably never see her again (I'm from Australia).
