40 Things That Only Happen In Movies

40 Things That Only Happen In Movies

1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.



3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.



4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.



5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.



6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

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7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.



8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.



10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.



11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).

12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).

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13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.



14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard . . .



15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).



16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).



17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.



18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.



19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.



20. All single women have a cat.

 

21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.

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22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.



23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.



24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.



25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.



26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.



27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.



28. It is not necessary to say "Hello" or "Goodbye" when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying "Hello? Hello?" repeatedly.



29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (it's called Stallone's Law).



30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.

31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.

32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.



33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.



34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.



35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.







36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

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37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers.



38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.

39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).

40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real life too!).

 

13 and 17 are my faves. I always crack up when they do those.

 

5,17, 24, and 29 was really good. Nice work dude.

 

How about: If you're trapped inside a building with a bomb, you will never manage to escape several hours before the bomb detonates, but only at the very last moment.

 

So true.

 

That was hillariously awesome.

 

It is possible to hurl yourself violently through any glass window without suffering so much as a scratch.

When your spaceship gets hit, the control panels will always explode in an impressive cloud of sparks, because spaceship designers have obviously never heard of fuses.

Technology will always work perfectly, except when you need to use it to escape from a dangerous situation.

If you are captured by a criminal mastermind, he will always give you the time you need to escape by cracking bad witicisms and telling you his evil plans in great detail.

If you turn up at an office to see someone unexpectedly, he or she will ALWAYS be in an important meeting at the time.

If you get stuck in an elevator, it will always be very easy to escape via the very convienient panel built into the ceiling.

The moon will always be full and clear during any romantic encounter, no matter which time of the month it is.

Cops and cowboys may be shot repeatedly without bleeding in the slightest.

Anyone can be knocked unconscious by a single blow to any part of the body.

Extraterestrials always speak perfect English, usually with a recognisable regional accent.

It is perfectly common and acceptable for any two strangers with a sudden bout of lust to have spontaneous and completely unprotected sex, and then leave one another the very next day without having to worry in the slightest about pregnancy or venereal diseases.

People taking a shower usually die.

Secret agents always dress conspicuously and tell everybody their real name.

If you are involved in a car chash, there will always be a stack of cardboard boxes on a street corner just waiting to be dramatically demolished by your excellent driving skills.

Any complicated machine that breaks down may be fixed quickly and easily with a philips screwdriver and no mechanical knowledge.

Top level security is extremely easy to breach.

If you are a hero, dress in the most rediculous costume you can think of. People will still respect you and take you very seriously indeed.

Millionaires and criminal masterminds are usually cigar smokers.

 

After a long night of heavy whiskey drinking, it is always very easy to sober up quickly in the event of a crisis.

 

If you're a scientist at a random cocktail party, the first person you bump into will always be a student who admires your work and read that paper you wrote on quantum mechanics.

 

Police officers always have a partner who is either female or black.

If you're single-handedly going after a bad guy on a desert island, there'll always be a native or two who is only too happy to assist you in your cause.

Whenever you turn on the radio, it will always be right at the beginning of a song.

In a tough situation, it is always easy to fasion any device that you need out of the materials that are hanging around.

A wedding never goes completely smoothly.

It is possible to perform dangerous and impressive stunts in even the clumsiest of vehicles, such as large trucks or limozines.

The water will always be deep enough to break your fall.

Heavy bolted doors are easy to kick down.

Even in a very loud nightclub, you can speak to someone normally from several feet away and they will understand you perfectly.

Bathrooms and toilets always have a window large enough to squeeze through and a sturdy drain pipe for swift escape.

You always get the girl.

Macho heroic types can eat lots of junk food, drink heavily, chain smoke and still remain incredibly healthy.

If you smoke, you never run out of cigarettes.

Large heavy machine guns tucked into your sock will not hinder movement in any way.

If everything seems hunky-dory, you can guarentee that something sinister is actually going on.

 

Ha, man I love them, and they're so freakin true!

 

Happy Ends and they live happy ever after.

 

Police officers always have a partner who is either female or black. BUT NOT GAY.

 

At Least in the early 70s they had lots movies about corrupt small rural police Dept or Sheriff but never a large city police . Except for 1 OF Dirty Harry movie . Today Police Dept are shown as "Perfect" and never wrong. "regardless of the size of police Dept.

 

We can make a lot of fun out of "CHIP" TV show. i was very desperate and bored to be able to swallow this show. Motorcyclist, Dune bugy and even Dirt bike riders were ALL Evil .

 

people in new york almost never have an accent

you dont want to be will cause everybody shoots at you

 

hillbillys never live in Florida.

 

Pretty funny. I like that one too:

"If you are involved in a car chase, there will always be a stack of cardboard boxes on a street corner just waiting to be dramatically demolished by your excellent driving skills."

If you're a police officer, you always get conveniently shot in the shoulder, and it's only a superficial wound.

You're accepted everywhere as a rock musician, even if you are Boy George playing in a club in the heart of Texas (a true episode from the A-team).

You can do any outlandish stunt in a public place and no one thinks anything of it.

If it's a chase between a car and a helicopter, the copter always crashes into the bridge it didn't see.

And finally, the batteries never die in that radio on Gilligan's Island that burns day and night. I want that brand of batteries!

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Yeah man! And the bad guys were always two guys in a van, and one always had a moustache.

And what about that groovy disco music that would always start up whenever a chase started?

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