Dirty Girl When I was a little girl I used to get dirty Eat mud pies My mother would scold I would get clean again eventually Just to look forward to the next time I could be dirty. I found myself dirty again Dirty up in the mountains Free as 6,000 feet could be Digging for buried treasure I was happy to be dirty then Like a little girl Before the shape of womanhood Washed me clean. Womanhood changed dirty Made it a metaphor I find I still like it This being dirty Mud pies and buried treasure Gone but for my naughty mind Drawing correlations Too much filth really My mother not around to scold And I haven't taken a bath for awhile.
Aww that's cute! At first I thought, "Do I really wanna read this poem called 'dirty girl.' But then I took my mind out of the gutter and I'm glad I did! Thanks for sharing!!
I love your poetry. Always a fertile vibe full of empowered self-esteem is found, in your offerings, by this reader.
I thought the poem was so so. I did somewhat like the beginning. I have nothing bad or good to say about the first stanza, though. However, the second stanza wasn't really written as...good as it could have been. It was when you wrote about being 6,000 thousand feet up on a mountain where I thought the poem was taking a turn for the worst. Mentioning being up in the mountains was just--cheesy imagery, and bad, metaphorically. Mentioning digging up treasure without the mud pies just seemed--not good. I also didn't like the womanhood and changing into it, either What I found in the poem was, that it was way too predictable. I got half way thru that first stanza and I thought, "Is it worth reading on, I know where this is gonna go." You should try avoiding the "beginning. The middle. The end" mind frame. They're just boring most of the time, unless you can really find a way to surprise the readers. The last stanza was so so. It didn't impress me, but it wasn't bad. Actually, the writing slightly reminded me of this band called, "Lovers." I don't know if you ever heard of them, but there's this song called Ginger, if you're interested, that kinda had a nostalgic feeling to this poem.
Too many words with too little love. Personally, I liked this poem. It made me smile, and I got these happy, itty bitty fuzzies on the inside when I finished reading it.
Thanks for all the feedback everyone, it's nice to know that I really can't please everyone but I can please most people. Mostly though my poetry is about pleasing myself, as I think poetry should be. Hearts and Stars to all who responded, even Crash.
