whats the sweetest way to apologize?

okay, look. i cheated on my boyfriend a few months ago, im a dumbass i know, no need to tell me. i finally told him last night (the guilt was eatin me ALIVE), and now i want to apologize, and i have said im sorry so so so many times. but i need to SHOW him that im sorry, and i dont really know how.

what do you guys think? whats the sweetest/best way to apologize?

**oh yeah, he has already forgiven me (sort of) we talked it out and everything, but i want to show him that im sorry...**

thanks guys.

and please, dont go on rants about how im a horrible person because ive beaten myself up about it too much already...

 

The sweetest thing to say is probably something thats not pre-recorded bullshit. Say the first thing that comes to mind.

 

let him know where you're at all the time... as a courtesy and to show that you're trustworthy. always give him some way to reach you and be sure to answer the phone (unless you're at work of course) stuff like that shows a lot of remorse and dedication to not doing it again

 

Nobody here can honestly tell you what you should do, because the only person who knows about your boyfriend's likes/hobbies/etc. is well yourself. Anything any one else can suggest would probably be something he doesn't like. For example, if I suggest you to buy him some books (I like to read) he might pretend he likes it, but if he hates it..he hates it. Or I could suggest you to take him to a vacation on rapid rafting..., but if all he does is get sick and throw up due to motion sickness than all I did was put you in a worse position.

I am sorry but something like this is what you should know already. What does he like to eat? Where does he like to go? Is he a thrill seeker? Does he have hobbies? What type of hobbies?

 

I doubt there is anyway that you really can truly apologize for that.. Trust would be about gone afterwards it seems.

 

Sincerely.

 

After something like that, there really is nothing you can do or say to get your message of "im sorry" through; "i'm sorry" has been so overused- so much that it is practically meaningless to most people. The only real thing you can give him is time, and the only thing you can do is restrict yourself from everything and anything that could lead to, or seem like, or feel like cheating to him. Whatever makes him uncomfortable, if you really love him, you have to stop, because if you don't, he will never be able to trust you again. Even when it sounds unreasonable, sometimes it's the only thing that has to be done to get him feeling better about himself, and the situation, again. If you're not willing to do that to make him happy and to move on, then you should end it right now. If you feel like you have reason to complain about what you might have to give up, or how he is acting about it, then you should end it. You've basically lost all right to get angry over it because of what you did .You've gotta really stay in perfect line, because one false move could ruin what ever trust he's regaining in you. I've been in both positions, and both are equally as hard to get through. Although, being cheated on (lied to, backstabbed, replaced...anything that makes your other feel betrayed) really is the worst to deal with. And even though he says he's started to, or sort of forgiven you, doesn't mean he doesn't think of it every second of every day. Even when you think he's not, he probably is, or just was. And always remember to be honest and have open clear communication, no matter what trouble that may stir, it's always better than that indescribable feeling of sheer heartache when the truth is discovered, (whether it's physical cheating, emotional cheating, lost feelings, whatever) and is something you were completely blind to all along. Cheating is fucking horrible for both sides, and it always catches up to bite everyone in the ass in the long run. I'm not condemning you for what you did either, because i empathize with what happened; i just hate to hear about it happening because it's an unbareable feeling of despair and utter inner turmoil. AGHHH I HATE IT!!!! And i know how you feel to, because you know how sorry you are, and you know how much you really do love him (and sometimes experiencing another person can make you realize that) But for a while, to him, "I'm sorry" might be meaningless. Just because he hears it, doesn't mean all is erased. Anyways, good luck, i know it's hard.

 

thank you, lucyinthesky, and everyone else...

see, in my town there are these old watertower foundation blocks that the college students (i live in a college town!) write spraypaint stuff on, mostly fraternity and sorority stuff. since school is out for the summer, they arent really being used. im ging to spray paint "im sorry {enter my boyfriends name}! i love you!"

he's always said how he would like it if someone publicly professed their love to him.. so thats what im doing. then we are gunna go eat chinese food (he <3's chinese food, and he loves it even more if he isnt paying! lol), and then we are prolly gunna go to the park... so hopefully everything will work out.

i talked to him on the phone a little bit ago (he is outta town right now, he'll be back in about 2 days) and we have worked a whole lot out.... i think everything is going to be okay. i was really really afraid there for a while... he's the one i always run to when things get bad in my life, he's my rock and when the thing thats bad is US, and he's not there to run to.. man i became a WRECK...but i love him more than anything. i just made some bad, bad choices but ive definately learned from this experience. i dont EVER want him to hurt like this again, and i dont want to feel this guilt and hurt again either.

on the other hand, im GLAD ive experienced this, because it made me realize how much i want him in my life, and how sad i would be if he left me. although, it sucks that it took cheating-ness for me to realize that. kinda embarrassing...:&

thanks a lot guys, most of you guys had pretty kynd responses... thanks. it helped a lot, especially you, lucyinthesky!

i'll tell you guys how it goes here in the next few days. i figure ive already told you this much, i might as well not leave you guys hanging!

 

You're GLAD you experienced this?? What the fuck?? Yeah I bet he's real fucking glad this happened too. You don't care bout him, you're just worried bout ur own pain. Selfish people will always be selfish I guess. Pathetic

 

As a man that's been cheated on many times, I can't imagine my lover spray painting her love for me on a rock would do anything for me but make me laugh at her.

The man needs time. The biggest way you can apologize is to be his best friend. You need to give him room to breathe, drop the situation (for the most part) and just so genuinely love and be there for him.

What you're looking for here to me seems very contrived. It seems that you are looking to get his love and trust back, for your own needs far more than you having a genuine interest and concern in this man.

Cheating is a tough road to overcome - all the guilt in your world won't mean a difference to him. The only thing that will work is time and majore patience on your part for him to come around and truly believe that it won't happen again.

You've got a tough road ahead of you on this one.

 

no offense but if a girl cheated on me, i wouldn't be able to forgive her. If she did it once, she'll do it again.

 

I think you need to look into the issue a little bit deeper than that. You sound like a nice person so i doubt cheating is habit for you. So you need to think through it and decide why you did it? No one I know in a great relationship has cheated. So in addition to thinking about how to make him forgive you think about whether he's the ideal partner for you. If it was a drunken mistake give him whatever he needs to forgive you but if you were seeking something you were lacking from him in a developed thing than you need to consider that he's not providing you with enough. if you two don't foster each others trust and be realistic on whether or not youre really right for each other than you won't have trust in yourself and your own desicions-no amount of trust in or from a partner can aile you from incomptibility.

 

i don't think GLAD is so much the proper word of choice in this situation, it's more or less an appreciation for this kind of experience. I see where you're coming from though, Watching The Wheels, because he wont ever be glad for it; this isn't a learning experiece for him at all. The only thing he would pull from this is to never trust anyone ever again, and life shouldn't be that way. Even though everyone makes it seem that way, in reality, you should always be able to trust people...especially the ones you love. You're only truly happy with yourself if you can trust. It's sad, but sometimes people need these things to happen to help them grow, and learn. Unless they've opened this hellish door of pure egotisitical power, where they feel so on top and in full control (the bad kind of control) of their situation, that they can just cheat like a savage beast....but in that case the word for it is slut. I really hope that all made sense....i'm really fucking tired lol....but i wanted to see how this thread was going. :&

 

oh yeah, i forgot to say this


as cute as that spray paint idea may sound, do you really want the memory of what happened to be permanantly branded in stone???? Every time he sees that, he's not going to think, "wow she really loves me...." he's going to think, "oh yeah....remember when she cheated on me....fuck that hurt...fuck that sucked....man......what did i do to make her ever cheat on me?....i hope she's not cheating now. I know she really loves me.....but what if?" You really should avoid EVERYTHING that will remind him of what happened. Especially if it will be there forever, as a constant reminder. AND...what if people ask about it to him? He's not going to want to have to explain it to people. I think it would be nice on the surface, but deeper than that, it could just prolong the hurt he's enduring. From personal experience, when i experienc something similar, every time some great gesture was done to try to impress me, or make me feel better, it only made me sit there and say "okay, stopit, you're only doing this because of what happened" don't constantly try to impress or woo, or whatever, because if you overuse it, it will become meaningless and merely a reminder of what happened. Just move on by forgetting about the whole thing and working at gainging his trust back.

 

well, people are different and some people care about some things less than others do.
I can pretty well imagine that he might have mostly forgiven this already. although when a similar situation comes his way he might remember this and do something he wouldnt do otherwise -- but there is really nothing that can be done about that.

But by all means, try to avoid bringing up the topic in the future. Do not overapologize, or you would be just reminding him of something he wishes to forget.

 

Tell him you went through the trouble of publicly asking for help from a bunch of hippies online

 

say to him that the words 'im sorry' are so overused but you really mean it. then say that after you've cheated on him once you don't expect to be trusted but do want to stay with him. say that if he wants to give you another chance he can call you and that you'll not bother him anymore if he wants to end the relationship.

you really seem sorry so good luck

 

well, i suppose i wont do the spray paint thing... bleh.

i think im just gunna work on gaining his trust back... i guess that would be the best route to take in the present moment.

and yes, glad was the wrong word to use. i'll rephrase. i appreciate what i have learned from this experience because ive learned how badly i want him in my life, and how much i love him....

thanks for the replies, guys. ive really learned from this experience and, needless to say, it wont happen again. i dont want him to be hurt like this again, and i dont want to, either.

 

You've already confessed to your boyfriend and told him how sorry you are. And he's already forgiven you. So don't dwell on it anymore. The important thing know is for you to let him know how much you love him. I won't offer you any advice on just how to do that; I trust that you have enough imagination to figure that out for yourself.

-- Skeeter