green glass growing too cold for years it laid beside me in the rain and snow flooded out my gravel lawns and drowned me dozing half content seas of whiskey blissful silence without movement frozen beneath the label it was factory made just like my shoes and they both travel at my breast in hopes to find a place to rest without a spot of shining sun to let me know im still alive
I liked this poem a lot. It might just be me being biased for the bitter poems. The only one problem with this poem was the lines, "flooded out my gravel lawns and drowned me dozing half content" Most of the poem flows except this part. It sounds choppy here, and really, it's not very elegant to read. "Drowned me, dozing half content," that doesn't sound good. It's not nice to here, and it's clumbsy sounding. If you fix this part then it would make the poem a lot better, mainly because this is the end of the first stanza, and by it coming out better, it would make a smoother transition into the second half of the poem. I liked this poem a lot though, and thinking of a sea of whiskey made me smile. That was a beautiful line, and this was a great poem.
