found poem

green glass growing
too cold
for years it laid beside me
in the rain and snow
flooded out my gravel lawns
and drowned me
dozing half content

seas of whiskey
blissful silence without movement
frozen beneath the label
it was factory made
just like my shoes
and they both travel at my breast
in hopes to find a place
to rest
without a spot of shining sun
to let me know im still alive

 

I liked this poem a lot. It might just be me being biased for the bitter poems. The only one problem with this poem was the lines,

"flooded out my gravel lawns
and drowned me
dozing half content"

Most of the poem flows except this part. It sounds choppy here, and really, it's not very elegant to read. "Drowned me, dozing half content," that doesn't sound good. It's not nice to here, and it's clumbsy sounding. If you fix this part then it would make the poem a lot better, mainly because this is the end of the first stanza, and by it coming out better, it would make a smoother transition into the second half of the poem.

I liked this poem a lot though, and thinking of a sea of whiskey made me smile. That was a beautiful line, and this was a great poem.