A song bird leaves one trill in the darkness... My melody. I leave the warmth of night and dream to wander in the mountain dawn. Climbing the mountain in the black veil before morning lifts it to show her face my feet do not stumble. They have known this path forever, and somehow the crunch of twigs feels less misplaced than in day. Mossy bower beckons; I lay into the dew softened green but sleep is no rival for my eyes. I am measuring the light in degrees by the shadows on an ancient tree, the mother tongue of time. Now I see only light and shadow where bark meets. Here where the wild huckleberries grow is a sapling rooted to the top of it's world. I almost envy the veiw it reaches to encompass. Now I see the shades of lighter lichen on the tree. Kali is watching me from the sister stone, but with the gradual light she creeps closer to cuddle in my warmth. I turn my face toward sunrise, through the laurel and rhododendron the first shade of yellow is emerging from the mist ringed cloud. I heard it was rumored to have birthed the world in one fleeting glance of a poet's eye. Birds and bullfrogs chirp and hum, to greet the day or beckon mates I am unsure, but there is a new scent in this wood now, it is primal and earthly, but they go on singing songs that sift to me on the breeze. The tree is so defined against the sky, soft blue here before the lights rays strike it's great stature. And materializing through the focus of unfocused eyes it dances before me, lichen, bark, gentle valleys and folds-- now I can see everything.
Damn! This poem is amazing, I can almost reach out and feel it, the beauty and serenity. Oh to have been on that mountain for that sunrise! This is one of the best poems I've seen here in a while, good work!
Yeah, man, it was good. I don't want to go through the whole poem because that would take too long. But I liked all of it except the second stanza. I thought it was distracting and uneeded. (Is that a word?) I mean, the whole, going to the mountain and lifting your black veil seemed sort of...corny, don't you think? It also seems to veer off on the poem. I mean, it didn't have a thing to do with any of the other stanza's Seriously, go back and read it. You could take out the entire second stanza out, and it wouldn't make a difference. All it does is take up room and make the poem longer. I could say more, but I'd have to observe it more, and I'm mainly just pointing out the first things I see. It was a nice poem, overall.
Oh, by the way!!! I usually refer to poetry with music instead of poets and poetry. This poem REALLY reminded me off a song from this band called Delerium. It has this chick who kinda wrote something similar.
Interesting. Somehow I thought that stanza was essential. The whole poem is about going up on the mountain in the dark and sitting on a huge rock, so I thought it would be important to add in part of that journey....can't just materialize there, ya know? I'll consider that in detail later.
