My boyfriend claims he's a hippy?

I think that my b/f has some anger issues. He's never hit me or anything like that, but he might as well. He will fly off the handle at anything. Like the other day, we were just driving along and out of nowhere (keep in mind we work for the same boss),he said "you're lucky I haven't said anything about you taking my job." I never wanted his job in the first place, but his boss called me up saying he needed my help. So he yelled at me for awhile, and then a couple of hours later, he was like "baby, I don't want you to quit with Bill." Then today, not more than 2 days later, he's yelling at me for making more money than he is. this is a very minor problem, but I need to know is there anyone I can talk to out there about my ass hole of a b/f. And the situatuation I am in, does not allow to move out and get a place of my own. HELP!!!!!!!!!

 

Honey, when you boyfriend flies off the handle is he ever tired, has a headache or in just a generally bad mood? Just wondering, because I can fly off the handle too, but it's mostly when I'm really grouchy.

Just a different perspective...

 

does he often rag on you after work? maybe he just doesnt like his job, and he takes it out on you... after work one day, take him aside and give him a full body massage and cook some yummy food... see if that helps!

good luck!

 

saying he's a hippy doesn't stop someone from having anger issues. I'd just try and be as calm as possible when he flips out on you, and say things like "When you say that, it hurts me" or "I never intended to make you upset with my job". Try and calm him down by staying calm yourself. Talk to him when he's not already all angry and riled up, let him know how you feel about this. If he doesn't improve on his own, I'd suggest a counsellor to help him not freak out over little things

 

Maybe you two shouldn't work together. Seriously. I know I couldn't work with my husband. We'd see way too much of each other and that's not always good. Plus, it's hard to keep personal life out of work.

 

Does he just have an issue with work stuff? If so, i agree that one of you should find another job--since you're making more, you could present it to him as he could find a "better" job, not just different, hehe.

If he's grumpy about everything, then you'll have to do more searching/guessing to find the problem.

 

Great advice ladies! From a man's perspective he is probably in a grouchy mood and maybe unsatisfied with his position and just taking it out on someone he is close to. Too bad that we often unintentionally hurt the ones we love. Try showing your support for him and reiterate to him your acceptance of him and his current position. Maybe he feels like he is letting you down somehow. He may just be a little jealous. Try to be very sensitive so as not to unintentionally sound like you are "rubbing it in" about your position over his. We men aren't as insensitive and unemotional as you may think. Also, working together may not be the best thing either. Even the best of relationships need their adequate (sp.) space!

 

I might be overreacting, but statements like "He's never hit me or anything like that, but he might as well. He will fly off the handle at anything." worry me.

The other responces add up to "be nicer to him."

I don't think that you are responsible for his angry behaviour. He is responsible for his own actions.

Again, I may be overreacting, but "the situatuation I am in, does not allow (me) to move out and get a place of my own" seems like you are feeling trapped.

You need to decide if living with him is wise (or safe.) If not, find a way to get a place of your own.

Afterthought: If this is one incident, then my concerns are definatly exagerated. On the other hand if this is just one example of many, my concern increases.

 

clear communication is so important. make sure that you try to talk to him about everything that is on his mind and on your mind too... It really does clear things up. Sorry, silly advice - i wanted to write more but i'm going to have to be off soon.

Love,
Sunny
xxx

 

he should be happy that your making money! if he was doing his job well you woldnt have had to take it.......... wonder if he has ever thought of that?

 

tell him to do one, hes pissed off cus u earn more???? wtf!!!

 

Sure, it may be that he is just grouchy and is taking it out on the one person who he feels he can -- you love him and will stick with him, he's just blowing off steam anyway. Maybe he is not satisfied with his job. Maybe you two shouldn't work together. Maybe, maybe, maybe...

Doesn't matter. First, make it abundantly clear that you are not his verbal punching bag. Don't do this in the heat of the argument, but either find a time toward the end (when he is cooling down) or find a time when he is in a good mood, and just tell him that this is not acceptable behavior, that you don't deserve to be treated like this. If he is not willing to work on his behavior, you need to start looking for a way out. Obviously he won't change over night, but if he truly cares about you, he will try to improve.

And, as with kindwoman's response, this comes from personal experience. I can be a real bitch when I'm in a pissy mood. And, I can't be snappy with my boss or cuss out a professor, so I would wind up taking it out on those I was closest to. My boyfriend called me on it. He was right, he didn't deserve to be treated that way. Hopefully, your boyfriend will respond the way I did -- maybe get a bit defensive at first, but realize that such behavior is not acceptable and make a solid effort to change. I still get snappy on occasion, but not nearly as often as before, and am quicker to realize my mistake.

Just being nicer to him when he's in a pissy mood does nothing to solve the underlying problem.

 

Excellent Dawn Sky!

 

You agree with Dark Sky?

 

work and relationships don't go well together.

 

I agree with kindwomen.

 

My point is that relationships are a lot about giving and taking. I was not necessarily taking the boyfriends side, just saying every one gets frustrated and grouchy from time to time and takes it out on those close to them and sometimes as partners we just have to let it go, not overact and be sensitive and sympathetic every once in a while.


I do agree with the headymoechick that working together can be very difficult for a relationship. I have seen many breakups result from this and many of those actually rekindled after the working together situation subsided. I also know of some very prosperous relationships (quite few actually) where the partners do work together. Much depends on the individuals.

 

He's a moron. Seriously. Anyone who behaves like that needs a slap in the face (perhaps a metaphorical one, depending on who's bigger ). It's just not acceptable behaviour from an adult.

 

Would you consider John Lennon a hippie? He was famous for his anger issues..

 

Perhaps you and I are reading the original post differently. I read it as this is a regular problem, not just something that flares up on occasion. For example -- my boyfriend is a major pain in the ass when he gets sick. He's had a nasty ear infection all week -- his 5th in about 6 months. He's being pissy as hell and taking it out on me relatively frequently, tho he's doing his best not to. I know that this is just because he is sick. By the same token, he puts up with me when I get pissy around that time of the month. I try not to, but sometimes it just comes out before I mentally process what I'm saying. This, I think, fits as the type of give and take that is required in relationships.

On the other hand, if he were bitching me out every other day ("Then today, not more than 2 days later, he's yelling at me...") just because he was tired or grouchy or whatever, I would have a problem with it. That goes beyond the level of acceptance that I think should be part of a healthy relationship.

Of course, part of my problem with the issue is that I've been in relationships where the guy tried to psychologically manipulate me by verbally abusing me. The types of things the OP quotes from her bf are on the same level that a certain ex of mine would use to make me feel like I owed him more than I did. Perhaps I'm reading too much into this. Only the OP knows the full story, we're just here guessing about the parts that won't fit on the page...

Regardless, I stick with my position that she should make it clear that this behavior is not acceptable. That doesn't mean he will change overnight. Even when I get pissy and take out my PMS or bad mood on my bf, I know that I shouldn't (tho it may not register until several minutes after the comment is out of my mouth). The point is to make a real effort to avoid taking out your own bad mood on the other person. If he is willing to try, then stay with him and work on it together. If he is not willing to work on it, then start looking for a way out.