i've seen my share of the old and held their hands, bony and cold. and i've cried when they forgot my name but i know now they were the same inside. i think i know what it's like to be senile my mind wanders once and a while, and i expect to see things the way they used to be, and i'll live like you're still here with me. i will be renamed soon at the walmart, confused. and then i'll leave with some people i've never seen, and go to a home where i'll wait for you to visit me. and i will let my mind drift away, and forget everything you say, but i will always know your face.
I liked it overall, it's a good subject that isn't explored very often. I also liked the first few lines, they really hooked my attention. Some things I'd suggest, though: First, these... ...are terrible line breaks. It'd work better as two lines. If you're going for a rhyme, try working on changing the word order (making sure it still flows naturally). Gotta admit, I don't like that you said "i think i know..." It sounds so wishy-washy, very uncertain. The image I get is some kid who thinks he knows everything talking out of his ass. Doesn't make for good poetry. (please don't take that personally, it's just the image conjured up, not an attack on you) Confused is right; why will you be renamed, and what does Walmart have to do with it?
This is a very moving poem. It touched me. My parents are getting elderly, and I could really relate to the emotions it stirred up. Good work, thanks for posting it.
