how do i approach this.....

hmm...i have a bit of a dilema....my fiance is a little different then me...he wants to wait a while(like 3 more years) to have kids...but we both bring in great income and i am more than ready for kids....but he wont budge..i think more than anything hes scared to death of having kids....his own family was finanacialy screwed up...but we arent....how do i let him know i really want kids,not for selfish reasons, more for the fact that i love the idea of caring and loving someone i want to make with him...and dont particularly want to wait 3 years?I love him more than life itself and want to let him know its killing me that he wont let me have our kids because of his past family life...grrr...help pleez

 

Having children really should be a decision both of you agree on. I can say that I had my 1st at 19 and thought I was totally ready. I just had my last baby at 27 and it is so much better because Im older. Im so different now then I was at 21.


Take your time, enjoy life and nurture yourself as a woman. Your children will come to you and the more nurtured and confident you are the better of a mother you will be.

I know its hard to wait for something you want so badly, but you really should both be in agreement. But this is just my opinion.

Best wishes

 

If you were to pressurise him into having kids now he may end up resenting you and them and it could end in disaster. You are still very young, I'd make the most of the time you now have without kids, until you both feel ready or come to a compromise.

I didn't have my first until I was 32 and I don't regret for a second leaving it to then.

 

My children came to me at a very young age, my first being at 16. I now have 5 and am almost 27. My husband and I are very financially stable as well, but please know that money plays a very small factor in the actual job of motherhood. You will be amazed at how you change in 3 years. Take this time to explore life with your husband. Maybe the two of you could take some trips to help pass the time. Children are a blessing and God will send them to you when it is meant to be. Getting pregnant against your husbands wishes will only cause problems.
I am proud of you for wanting to nuture another soul as much as you do, few young women feel that way today.
Patience is a virtue.

 

I say just talk about it. Maybe you two can agree to come to a middle ground that will please you both. There is no perfect age to have a baby, that is for you and your future husband to decide, each person is different and a lot of things fact into that.

Misha

 

i really do wanna stay home with my kids, although he thinks thats only something people did back in the 50s and that i should work....i dunno....im tired of arguing over when we are gonna have kids ,so much so that ive chalked it up to the fact that we probably never will...

 

Sweetie, you are so young! Of course you will have kids.... Just enjoy "being" for awhile.
Everything will come ~ Don't worry.

 

i know i know...i am just very impatient i guess....lol...i am even itchin' to get married...i guess i just want life to speed up a bit for me

 

I felt that way after college. I know its hard but take advantage of the baby-free time. Save money so that you can stay home. And enjoy those long nights you get to spend in your bed (that is puke, poop, and urine free) Enjoy the feeling of going to to the bathroom/taking a bath, alone. Go on some romantic vacations. Relax. All things come in their own time and he will be a much better dad if he is truly ready to raise a child.
Had

 

When or if to have kids is one of the things which can be most deadly to a relationship. If one partner wants them and doesn't get them, that partner will get resentful and angry and blame the other, if the partner who doesn't want them ends up being forced to have them, they end up resentful and angry and not just at the other partner, but at the children as well.

This is something that even well seasoned therapists have a hard time counseling. You can't make people WANT something they don't, and you can't STOP someone from wanting they they do want. Those who don't want children will often set a time when they think they may want them, or long enough to hope the other partner will "forget" about having them. (A year, two years, three, "when I get a good job" "When we get a house" whatever.) But usually, when that time comes they will use any excuse to put it off until later. And "later" doesn't come.

Yes, 21 is young, but my question would be to really look and try to determine IF he wants children at all. Couples counseling might be a good idea.

If it turns out he really doesn't want kids, you want to find out NOW rather than when you are in menopause and he is still making excuses.

Good luck.

 

he says he really does want kids but not for a couple more years, and its hurting me bad because ive been through in the past, i realize he wants to wait until hes a bit more mature but i just wish he could see my point..i love him to death and hes my soul mate no doubt but i dont know how to approach this to him.. every time i bring it up he gets down and depressed and doesnt think i trust him...i just seems hard.

 

You aren't married yet and you're already planning the "next step". Every time you make a major change in your life it's disruptive (not always in a bad way, I'm saying it changes other things too). So a good idea might be to focus on being married and starting a life together, and adjusting to that before you go throwing another life event in there. Enjoy being newly weds. Kids are work (good work, but work), and it would be fun for you two to enjoy each other before you enjoy babies.

 

well we paln on getting married on feb. 14th 2006...maybe that will help things along..in fact im really hoping it will