Right so I,ve never, ever shown my writing to anyone..... but i think it will be easy to show it off to some strangers who, i hope, are like minded..... here goes... Stormbringer A profesional Madman Indian Shaman Dance in a ring of Fire Fueled by desire Flow and Grow Let the Winds Blow Rekindle a cyclone To prove what is Shown The drumbeat is your heart A Thunderclap is the Start Breath and Expand Devour the American Land Dance with me Stormbringer Black out what ever light lingers Follow in my steps to the vallys Depths Faster,Faster, Spin and and scream Denounce everything Follow the Beat Out into the Street Flee the confinments of life Balenced on the edge of a Knife The wind will give us wings And the Stormbringer, forever Sings Vegetable-Man
I think some of your rhymes seem really forced, but you have a great idea going on here. I really like the visual you gave with the shaman and the fire. Awesome.
Yeah, i prety much threw the first word i could think of in, that rhymed with the last word but i've got better stuff ..... and maybe i'll post it once my wounded ego is healed.....lol
I agree about the rhymes, but don't feel bad about it. This is how we get better, with constructive criticism (reading lots of poetry, and writing lots of poetry helps too, but sometimes you need to have your errors pointed out). I think you should definitely post more.
