This is a question for all the gay or bi forum users here on Hippyland. When you first came out of the closet, was it a shock to you, or more of a relief and acceptance of what you are. Did you spend a long time telling yourself you liked the opposite sex, and then just realized that something was not right? Even if you have not come out, does anyone ever question their sexual orientation? Is there a conection with being effeminate, and homosexuality? I really don't know where I fall anymore. I am having my doubts as to the way I have been living. Also I would like to know what people think of bi-sexuality. Is it real, or is it just a euphemism for homosexuallity. Thanks for any comments.
Being bi, I came out TWICE -- First as a gay man in 1978, than as bi in 1993. In both instances, it was a matter of being honest to God and to the world about who I am. In the case of my first coming-out, I also got tired of being peppered with the questions, "When are you going to get married?" and "When are you going to get a girlfriend?" I didn't become erotically interested in women until I turned 40, but to this day, I still can't answer the second question; acceptance of my bisexuality (I already have a boyfriend) is prerequisite for any future relationship with a woman and , to date, I haven't had any luck in that department. My answer the first question has always been, is now, and will always be a firm "Never." Not as long as you can marry only one partner at a time -- and as long as you and your spouse must take legal responsibility for each other's financial affairs. Bisexuality is most definitely real -- especially among women. Bi women outnumber bi men by a nearly three-to-one margin. Too many men think having sexual relations with another man is too repulsive, but have no qualms about two women having relations. Ye gods, do I hate that double-standard! -- Skeeter
Thanks for sharing that Skeeter. I am trying to be honest with myself now in my life. I find that I am sexually attracted to women, and I am questioning wether I am attracted sexually to men. It is hard to be honest about your feelings when there is so much social condemnation if you will, of gay or bi men. I don't want to live my life in hiding, if that is what I have been doing. I like what you said about being honest to God. I guess I will work it out in time. Thanks again for your feedback.
When I first came out it was quite a relief for me, though it was rather difficult telling the first few people. I had suffered four months of depression due to the fact that I absolutely loved this girl, but being closeted, I had no way to tell her. This girl was also closeted at the time, but my gaydar just instinctually told me she was bi. Well, anyways, I was so screwed up I decided I had to do somthing. I hung around a few GBLTQ fourms online, and they helped me TONS! I knew my parents would be cool with the whole situation, but I was unsure about a few of my friends... when faced with the question of same-sex marriage whilst in political conversations, I had a few friends who were against it... so that made me rather uncomfortable. Even worse for me at the time, was that all my friends were assumed to be straight(though two turned out to be closeted bis) so I really didn't have any homosexual or bisexual friends to seek for advice. Well, anyways, all did turn out ok. I have one girl who turned out to be a major homophobe, she stays away from me as much as possible, one friend who was a bit insecure about it at first but is growing more comfortable with it, and one male friend who keeps trying to get me to 'turn' lesbian because he thinks lesbians are hot (-_-;... other than that all was well and everyone was cool with it. During my time of being closeted for the first two years I DID try to convince myself that I liked guys, and only guys... most of my class hated and insulted me enough as it was... I didn't need that one more thing for them to be picking on me for... then in summer of 2003 I realized that I couldn't change my sexuality... I found some women attractive, and some guys as well. Dispite that I stayed closeted until 2005. It took my second major crush on a girl to drag me out of the closet. Also, at this point I was in high school, and mostly everyone had lost thier immaturity on the subject of homosexuality and bisexuality. Not to mention I had more friends than I ever had before, many seemed very accepting, and thus I figured I'd have some backing to fall upon if somone turned out to be a homophobe, so I wouldn't be completely abandoned and friendless. Also, I saw quite a few openly bisexual and homosexual people at my school, and no one really seemed to be asses about it, so I felt like I would be accpeted by most as who I am. On the subject of bisexuality, it is indeed real! Though technichally I'm pansexual, I've just gotten sick of trying to explain pansexuality to people at school... Ibelieve in loving somone for thier soul, not the body in which it is housed... though I'm not really into beastality or reaching too far beyond my age group in terms of love-love... but I do love many humans and animals, old and young, in a sense of family-type love. Sorry if that made little sense... I'm just getting a bit sleepy...
personally, I think that people are too quick to decide that they are bisexual.. I mean, yeah I know there are ppl out there that reallly are bi, but it seems like, all of a sudden, EVERYONE is bi... yeah, I know when another girl is attractive, but that doesnt mean I'm attractED to her. So I think that a lot of ppl confuse the two, because seriously, not as many ppl that I know, could reeeally be bi
I don't mind to make someone confused or something.. But I personally don't understand how could people be gays or lesbians. When I see how lesbians are kissing or touching each-other, I feel vomit. I know many closed friends (girls) are bi-sexuals for fun, I don't understand them! Damn, MAN is created for us, it's wonderful creation I think with all it's disatvanteges. Maybe lesbians ar girls, who are too ashamed to contact with boys?.. I don't understand, just kill me!!!!!
You asked in your message when anybody who has come out realised something 'wasn't right'. There is nothing wrong and nothing that isn't right. I've always found attraction to males and females - I'm female. This gets me described as bi-sexual. That's fine with me. I just think of myself as 'sexual'. I'm not attracted to everybody - male or female - but it makes no sense to deny that both men and women can be beautiful and sexually stimulating to both sexes. I probably get more immediately interested in a male but not always. I've always felt this way and to me it's a normal way of feeling. Equally, I can completely understand why a male may be gay or bi. There are beautiful men around. Whats so strange that many men would enjoy them. Look at the history of art through the ages. It's filled with images of beautiful men. There is nothing unusual in being sexually engaged with either sex if that is what turns you on. In the end you can't fake it. Just go with it and enjoy.
That raises an interesting question. . . Who among young people today are more liklely to say that they're bi -- girls or boys? I know that among my fellow Baby Boomers, more women are likely to say that they're bi than men because male homophobia is so deeply entrenched. -- Skeeter
Indeed, when I first came out as gay in 1978, I came out directly to God while praying inside New York's Grace Episcopal Church on the morning of the Spring Equinox. It was a Monday and I was alone in the sanctuary. While I knelt in front of the main altar, I said aloud (And I still remember these words as if I had said them only yesterday): "Dear God, I can no longer lie to you or to anyone else about who I am. The church [I was a Roman Catholic until 1976] says that being homosexual is a sin. But I say that not telling the truth about yourself is an even greater sin, and I'd rather tell the truth than to lie about it. I am gay and that's all there is to it. Do you have a problem with that? If you do, I want to know." At the time, I was homeless. Within three days after I made my "confession," I found a place to live in a rooming house on Manhattan's West 28th Street. But that's not all. I quickly learned that two of my upstairs neighbors were gay. Within a year, I had fallen deeply in love with one of them, a struggling rock musician. It was the first time that I had seriously fallen in love with anyone -- and it came at a time when I had all but given up on my heart ever opening up to that experience. Had God answered my question? I'm absolutely convinced, 27 years later, that God had indeed answered -- positively. Although Steve, my musician neighbor, and I never became lovers, we did become very close Platonic friends. I haven't seen or heard from Steve since I left New York for San Francisco in 1982, but I've never forgotten him. And I've been grateful to God ever since. -- Skeeter
I'm bisexual. I've always been a pretty solitary person, I mean I see my friends but we never discussed our sexuality, not sure why. My mum is very unacceptive of anything other than heterosexuality and my other family members just kind of go along with her ideas. I'm 17 and I guess I realised I was bisexual when I was about 16. I've always been kind of open and have known when another girl looks pretty but not in an attractive way if that makes sense, then I found myself fancying girls and thats when it all kind of clicked into place. It never felt wrong or dirty but I didn't think of myself as bisexual for a while. When I was in college there was a bit of a problem because there was one homosexual male in the class, no one knew I was bisexual and yet I was the one that supported gay pride, and was just quite outspoken about how just because people have different sexual orientations, doesn't make them any different to anyone else. Even now, I've only properly 'come out' to a couple of people and its not that I'm keeping it under wraps, I'm just the same with everything else, I might wait for it to come up in a conversation or something hehe. But I do feel more comfortable with myself. I spent a big chunk of my life at school being bullied and feeling self concious and when I left last year I turned into this very hardworking, determined, independant person and when people disagree with me about bisexuality being real (my cousion, for example) I disagree with them because its a fact. I'm bisexual and anyone that has a problem with it needs to get over it. I didn't fancy girls until I got a bit older, like maybe 15, 16 and when I did I thought I could just ignore it, but you can't. I accepted myself a little while ago and its like an inner-relief.
I am just confused about my sexuality. I have a lot of interests that people would say are feminine or not masculine. I used to hate even looking at my photographs. When I was being video taped I would get mad and walk away and never look at myself. I wonder if this means I don't accept myself the way I am. I have thrown out my heterosexual porn. I am going to see what people I am attracted to on my own without fantisising about fake boobs and exploited women. I don't know if what I think I feel about women is just what I have bought from all the crap that gets thrown at us by the media. I am in the state of questioning what I have been believing. As for God in my life; I am not sure about it. I am a Catholic, and I was raisesd to believe in God. I just don't know if I am trulely seeing what God is all about. Thank you for the feedback, it helps.
