My dad lost his mind

My dad needs serious help. My mom (whom he recently got divorced from) is trying to get him admitted into a mental hospital.

I talked to him the other day and he was telling me how he wanted to either kill himself, or sell everything he owns and go after everyone who's ever screwed him over. I tried everything I could to talk some postive sense into him- I even layed a guilt trip on him to tug at his heart, but nothing.

I don't know what to do. I also feel bad because he says I'm the ONLY one he can talk to, but I really don't want to hear my dad say he has nothing to live for.

I have my own problems and this is the last thing I need. I feel guilty saying that, but how much do I owe a guy who calls me up drunk telling me that he hates his whole life?

 

Smoke some pot with him and listen to the Eagles.


If that doesn't work, call a hospital

 

I live in NY. He lives in CO

thanks for really thinking about my problem.

 

Thats a shitty situation. I feel for you! I think you Mom might be on the right track, as it does sound like he needs some professional help. I think that he is somewhat out of line dumping his emotional problems on you... after all, he is the parent, you are the "child". Divorce can really screw with a person's mind.

One of my friends had to have his father arrested as he was threatening to kill himself and was putting other people at risk due to his irratic behaviour. I don't know what the laws are about that kind of thing are in the US, and getting him tossed in jail would really be a last-ditch solution. I really think you Mom is on the right track.

Sorry I couldn't be more help, but hang in there.

 

I feel really guilty for not listening to his problems. a while back I posted about how immature he acts and someone told me that I shouldn't feel so bitter because he's a person too.

I know he's a person, but he's my dad. I don't think he should be dumping his problems on me. But he's right- I am the only person he can talk to. I hate having that weight on my shoulders. I also feel really selfish. I probably should be there more when he needs me.

 

I understand about feeling guilty.

There are certain "roles" we play in life, and his role in respect to you is that of "father"... that makes him the grown-up. If he is having trouble being a grown-up, then he should talk to someone other than you... maybe a professional or one of his peers. As you said, you have tried to talk to him before about what is bothering him, but it doesn't seem to help. He says that you are the only person he can talk to about this, but then he doesn't listen to what you have to say in response. You are right, he is acting immature... not that that is necessarily his fault. He may have lost his grip on reality... it's easy to do. Reality can be a mighty slippery thing to hold on to.

Feeling guilty and selfish when it comes to our parents is only normal, I think. My parents make me feel guilty for pretty much everything I do. I think it gives their life meaning... lol.

 

When somebody is in really serious danger, I believe there are things you can do remotely. Call a suicide hotline in his area maybe? Maybe they can talk him into admitting himself, they are experienced at that.

 

he lost his mind? well where is the last place he put it?
sorry bout that... anyways, I don't think there is all that much you can do, try to get him to look for help, either a hotline, maybe like a group type thingy (they like to have them at churches), something like that
if he is religous you could try to exploit that

 

Wow, I'm sorry.. The only advice I can give you is to not turn your back on him.. If you can, set aside some time to really talk to him about what's going on.. If something came up and you really needed someone, and he was the only one there, would he be there for you?? If he has you, then he obviously has something to live for.. If it was me, then I would try my best until he got the help he needed.. My grandmother always calls me when she needs to talk about her problems.. I seem to be the only one she feels will listen.. It gets tiring and old, and I can't personally understand her situation but I try my best.. I probably wasn't any help but I hope everything works out..

 

skitzophrenic?

 

Poor guy!

If I had a kid who ended up like you I'd probably go insane as well. (rim-shot!)

I think your old man needs to get his head out of his ass and cease feeling sorry for his miserable self and stop dumping a pile of shit on his daughter who obviously has enough issues of her own.

"I used to worry about losing my mind. Now that I've lost it I don't worry about it anymore." -Wavy Gravy

 

Sorry to hear about your dad.

*hugs*

I hope he comes around. You just make sure you take care of yourself first.

 

And furthermore...
I usually find myself discusted by drunken self pitying, self gratifying losers who whine as if the entire fucking world dealt them a blow no other human experiences!

I say your old man should go fuck himself!

 

hmm... I've only got 1 person on my ignore list so i'm guessing a few of these posts aren't very nice.

 

There isn't a chance in hell you could resist reading my posts kid!

 

now who is being self gratifying?

 

my mom's pissed because I called and told her I love dad but I can't handle the death threats. He even threatened to come and hurt a few friends of mine. That's going over the line. But my mom's mad because I am the only one he'll open up to. Life sucks.

I'm going home soon to turn off the phone, have a beer and listen to some chill music. It's selfish, but I don't care right now.

 

it isn't selfish too look after yourself especially when you have heavy people leaning on you and you sound like you need some chill time so enjoy it guilt free!

 

I'm not very good at this advice stuff, so here it goes....

The best advice I can offer is to lay down ground rules which are to be followed and boundries which are not to be crossed. From what I can understand, your father has emotional issues in addition to a divorce.

Drunken calls in the middle of the night and threats of injurying your friends as well as yourself are never acceptable. When he calls again, drunk - at midnight, calmly inform him you'll talk to him at a more reasonable hour (at your - not his - convience) and when he is sober. Then hang up. Disconnect your phone, block his call, turn down the ringer on the phone, etc., but don't answer until you, not him, are ready. Never feel guilty for doing this.

As for the threats of injury to your friends; I'm not a lawyer, but maybe a case of terrorist threats can be made against him. Depends if the Colorado cops and D.A. wish to pursue it.

I'm not a doctor so take this for what its worth...I've heard most people who threaten suicide use the threats as a way of getting attention. The problem is he may be in the minority group who means it and attempts it. You cannot control what his actions. If the threat wasn't real, then it was a call for attention. If it is real, then there's not much you can do for him.
You can attempt to convince him to get help, but do it on your terms. Drunken midnight calls are not on your terms.

Sometimes parents has thier own issues (or just plain selfish) and they end up damaging their kids. I know a person who earned a Doctorate and lives accross the country from his parents. The parents has regularly applied guilt trips to encourage their son to move back to their town (loosing health care and pension plan, substantial cut in pay) or every year - spend his entire vacation with them. Lately he has been resisting the parent's pressure and has establishing boundries. His parents will be upset, perhaps permenantly, but once they understand their guilt trips are a lost cause, they hopefully will apply them less often.

People will sometimes be a pain in the ass. Office workers who discuss the most intimate details of their live (mostly things you really wouldn't want to know) while you are trying to work, neighbors who visit daily and won't go away. Most of the time a polite rebuff set things straight. Its a little more difficult when parent(s) cause the disruption. Especially when the disruption is a major disruption.
Even so, you should not feel guilty setting boundries and adhereing to them. Intellectually its an easy concept to grasp. Emotionally its more difficult to accept.
Nobody should have to accept drunken threats in the middle of the middle of the night regardless who originates them.

I rambled on maybe a little disorganized but I hope this helps.

 

Btw, anybody who tells you they are thinking about suicide wants attention, weather they mean it or not. Its up to you to care, but most people don't.