Hello fellow hippies, I was wondering if I could get some advice. (i've never really talked to anyone about my relationships before and admit its a bit strange). But I have been going out with this guy for about 4 months (he's 22), and Im starting to realize he's a bit of a psycho. I know he used to be a self-mutilator as well as suicidal, I've seen his scars and what not, and he assures me that he's stopped doing it to himself. Anyway, everytime we get into a small argument he blows up, he seriously has an anger problem and will start smacking his head against the wall or hurting himself. I've had him call up MY friends to come over to his place and stay with him all night (because I've ended up leaving from being fed up) to make sure that he doesnt kill himself. He always threatens to kill himself if we're ever faced with even a hypothetical conversation of breaking up. He is EXTREMELY needy and possessive, he always needs to hold my hand if we're anywhere, he also always needs to call me every hour, to the point of frustrating me. He has a problem with most of my friends, he thinks they're all conspiring against him to "take me away from him"...ugh.. I personally am not a needy person and I like relationships to be very casual, without a serious obligation. It's how i've always been, I've broken up with people easily because they've clung to me too much. Now, I've talked to him countless times about giving me more space, and about him getting help about his self-destructive mentality, and he says that he will give me space, and also that he's fine mentally. I know I really have to break up with this guy, I don't tolerate people yelling at me, or being all possessive toward me, and i have no problem being single. The problem is, that he would use his "i'll kill myself" defense if we ever broke up. I feel like I'm trapped by guilt or something, and maybe I have too much empathy, maybe he just needs to grow up. I'm worried that he's going to actually do it. He says he loves me and all that. I don't love him, and have never said it, personally we're not on the right page. I've tried to break up with him before, but he wont listen to me, and he'll get all psychotic and I'll get scared for his life...*sigh*.. Sorry for ranting, I'm just miserable.
Great advice here. Speaking from a males point of view, your boyfriend might not be crazy but just fustrated. Fustration always gets people a bit crazy. Yes, some girls have the power to guide men, A girl makes the boy a man. So if you dont have the power and the will to do so..move on. One more thing, a person who will really kill them self will not threaten others with suicide.
"average sensitive males of 22 years old" don't threaten to kill themselves over a potential breakup. but yeah, I wouldn't stick around. Mike was right with the whole if he'll kill himself over this, he'll kill himself over anything dealio. I wouldn't stick around... it's not good for you and it's certainly not helping him to let these tactics work
What youre doing by sticking around is facilitating his behaviour, you make it alright to behave that way
That kind of behavior will turn violent. He is trying to separate you from your friends and become the only person in your life. Soon, he will accuse you of cheating of him every time you are away from him. Really, get away.
I read the first couple of paragraphs and this isn't good at all. Leave and tell him to get help. That would probably be the best thing for both of you.
I think that guy needs to see a psychiatrist - I'm studying psychology and believe me, his behavior is not normal, he's not "just sensitive", he's fucked-up, and needs help. You know what, you shouldn't stay with him if you don't care, but if you're worried about him killing himself - could be empty threats, but you never know with people like that - call up a doctor next time he freaks out. Good luck!
Thanks all. Recently I've tried to sit him down and talk, I started it how one normally would.."we need to talk.." and he started getting mad and was all "no, we dont need to talk about anything, we're fine.." and I just totally lost it there, I told him to either be rational and at least hear me out or I was fucking off. He ended up sitting down and listening to me, talk honestly about how I felt, but for some reason he still didn't get the point. I told him I need space and he said all right, but still wont stop calling me, during one of these phone conversations I told him it was over, but he started crying and screaming and stuff. He still continues to call me as if nothing's wrong... I'm very certain I've gotten the point accross, I guess not enough.
yeah, i say he's sensitive and immature. he needs to find himself. seriously... this relationship isnt going to do you any good unfortunately. just let it go... as hard as that sounds. it will be for the best. good luck darlin. peace and love
you don't need this and i don't see what sort of curiosity or compassion or whatever it is, could make you stay involved with him. think about it... u have one life, one shot, don;t waste it on people and things that get u down. u think he's gonna kill himself? so what, sooner or later he's gonna do it anyway so why bother? getta fuck away from him and find someone to match you and ur desires.
whoa that's not an average male she's talking about. ive dated some psychos and i would say this guy is qualified to be their leader from what she wrote. it sounds like hes manipulated you with the whole killing himself thing. can you get a hold of his parents or relatives?
