Need Some Advice; Feel like shit

Ok so this past week I was down in Chicago on a Mission Trip for my church that my mom really wanted me to go on. One of the rules was no cell phones or CD players or anything like that. So, my mom took my phone and put it in her safe, cause she knew I would have brought it anyways, and talked to my girlfriend or friends, cause I didnt really want to be there.

So I get back home, and unpack, and check my emails and phone and such. Well I see I have 89 Missed calls!! I was shocked to say the least, because I told all of my friends and girlfriend that it was pointless to call me that week, since my phone wouldnt be with me.

So I look, and all 89 calls are from Alex, my girlfriend. Needless to say, I am freaked out. So I listen to one of the many voicemails, and after hearing her voice, I want to die.

From the messages, I found out she was raped. And the worst part about it, is that in the time she needed me the most, I wasnt there for her. I felt/still feel like dieing. So I called her, and she was in tears, so I just went over there. So eventually from her, and my other friends, I found this out.

Turns out, she went to my friend Kent's party. She didnt drink. I know she didnt, she told me, and my other 2 friends that drove that stayed sober, saw her all night. She didnt have a drop of alcohol or any drugs.

Well this guy from out of town apparently got really drunk, and was hitting on her. She turned him down, and he got pissed. He slapped her and pulled her into a bedroom, had his way with her, and left her crying, naked, and alone.

Now am consider myself pretty calm, but I want to kill this person who calls himself a man. I only wish anyone knew who he was....

Besides those feelings, I feel like hell. I wish more than anything that I could have at least had my cell, so I could at least have talked to Alex. I know there isnt anything I could have done, but I still feel like I let her down.......

I pretty much feel like dieing.

 

Were the cops called. He's in jail right? Yeah that shit is wrong. I dont know what i would do if i was in your situation. Somebody would probably die. But fuck they called the cops right?

 

Rape statistics are insane. I'm real sorry.

 

wow 1st thing I am sorry, I can imagine how you feel (no, really I can).
2nd try to be strong and supportive, just imagine what she is going through.
3rd someone knows who that guy was, talk to people that were there.
hang in there

 

Yeah I agree with the other 3...I'm so sorry...I know if someone raped Nicole I would kill them...

As a matter of fact, she has even said to me, "You know, when it happened it wasn't rape cause I agreed but it was pretty damn close." and she cries over it and calls me occassionally, even back before we were dating she called me about it...I feel so sorry for her even though she agreed as unwillingly as she wanted to...I can't even imagine how I would feel if it was rape :-/

 

i would kill him without a second thought. its your call but thats what i would do. srry to hear about this, rapes a terrible thing.

 

Oh, man, I am so sorry. There's nothing you could have done, though. All you can do now is be with her and be completely supportive. If she's really shaken up about it (which I can imagine she is), you might want to help her find some counseling and go with her...counseling might do you both a world of good. I really hope she's okay, and I hope you, are, too. Don't beat yourself up, your circumstances didn't allow much contact with anyone, you had no control over what happened. Just be there for her now, it's the only thing you can do.

 

your mom should have been answering those calls.

but, what's the point of you dying? that's silly. this was out of your control, but you are here now and can be support. so don't wish yourself dead. take care of this girl and make sure she isn't pregnant and/or diseased.

 

My mom was in chicago with me, or else I would hope she would answer the phone. Thanks all for the help. :-/

 

im really sorry to hear that man...i know if anyone raped my girlfriend i would have killed them on the spot... i agree though counciling for both her and you would do you guys a world of good.... i wish you and your girlfriend the best of luck.. and hope everything works out for the best

 

That's so messed up. If anyone is at fault its her friends at the party, they must've seen something happen. Don't beat yourself up, it was out of your hands.

 

make sure she goes to the hospital. they can track this asshole down by his DNA.

And don't beat yourself up. even if you had answered the calls, what could you have done? You're there now and that's what counts.

Don't waste time and energy feeling sorry for yourself. your girl is the one who needs the sympathy right now.

 

oh, thanks all. I feel a ton better now. I had the pleasure of finding this guy today, and lets just say I wasnt in a good mood when I saw him.

So Kent found out who he was, and where he lived. So him, Alex and I decided to pay him a little visit. So my buddy goes up there first, and makes me stay in the car....which didnt last long. So I went up, and was like "So what the fuck happened?" And this little bastard has the nerve to say to me "I thought she was drunk too, so I figured she wouldnt remember."

Ok, so I'm like 6'4" and about 215 lbs. and this guy was about 5'9", maybe 150 lbs. and he has the balls to say this right to my face! So of course this set me over the edge, so I preceeded to punch him a time or 20.

Well I made Alex stay in the car while this went down. But out of no where, she comes up with my hockey stick that I had in my car, and beats the hell outta him with it. (Good thing she didnt grab my skates that were in there too)

I think the best part of it is when she hit him a few times in the balls, and screamed "you sick fuck, now no other woman will have to have this done to her by you." I dont think I have ever seen her so pissed, but I cant blame her.

So I guess all Im wondering is if we call the cops, can we get in trouble for beating the shit outta this guy? I guess we kinda broke a few ribs, and his face is tore up pretty good, and Im sure he is peeing blood, do to the few stick shots.

Im kinda scared that we may have taken it too far, but at the time it happened, I wasnt thinking so clearly, I just wanted him dead.

 

I understand your rager but you should have left this to the cops.

first of all, why did you bring your girl with you? You think she really wanted to see that guy again? all it did was make her angry. She needs to heal and get over it.

second, yes, you CAN get in trouble for beating him up. That's assult. From both of you.I may be worng but I think you just caused a shitload more trouble for both of you. Now, to add to the drama, this guy can go to the cops and get her in trouble. If she didn't go to the hospital, it will be hard to prove he raped her.

I hope he doesn't have the balls to say anything to the cops because if he did, you just opend up a whole new can of worms for you and your girl. Why didn't you solve things in a way that would be easiest on HER?!

Look, I'm not trying to be a bitch, but I've been raped at 14 and I know that this is just not what her head and heart needs right now.

 

God!!! I'm very sorry


Dear TheRosesAreFree,
Maybe you're lying- maybe not. It doesn't metter...

Wish you don't have problems with law.


BTW.. I think every girl must join Carate lessons. Damn, we are so week!!!

 

the law says you all should go to jail, rape and now assault. you didn't need to beat anybody up, but i guess emotions run too deep sometimes.

one bit of advice though: don't measure people up by their size. i'm 150lbs too (not even), and i would have taken you down in a split second. just never assume, that's all.

i hope this works out for you and your poor girl. peace.

 

I understand how much more shit i got into, but at the time, i wasnt exaclty thinking of the law. It was purely rage. I think rape was a bit more serious than the assault, but whatever.

But PurpleGel, maybe you could, but I consider myself fairly strong; i've been playing hockey for 14 years, lacrosse for 5, weightlifting, and some amature boxing for 2 or 3 years with a friend of mine...but I have learned in the ring that smaller guys can pack a big punch, I'm not doubting you.

 

oh, and Headymoechick, she sat in my car and refused to get out until i took her with me. We sat in my driveway for about 30 minutes till i gave in...its not like i forced her to go along. I figured she didnt want to anyways

 

Good for you guys! You should at least have her go to a shrink and have the rape on record with a professional in case this guy tries to press charges for kicking the shit out of him. This should teach him a good lesson, no doubt.

 

he's a criminal, this is true. and so are you and your girlfriend.