I want to leave him

well, there's always a choice. right now, you're making a choice. i'd say for you to get in the program. you've got issues that no chemical will be able to help you with. our misery is not just a function of our biology.

 

OSF, who specifically were you talking to?

hope not me.

 

First of all, you are NOT "half at fault for staying with him," and whatever shallow moronic asshole that thinks that should be taken into the street and shot! Yeah, I mean you!


Marriages are hard enough when you have two nice, happy people together, and are made disgustingly more difficult when you add even the slightest bit of verbal or physical abuse. There could be many reasons for it, though. I don't suggest packing up and leaving at the first sign of it, unless you think that it's something that can't be helped. Never say no to marriage counseling....if you find the right person to help you and you're both willing to help yourselves, I think you can find out what's causing the problems and start trying to work them out. This is always a good idea before making big decisions with little notice.

It took my mom years of beating to get the courage to leave my dad. It was not ever her fault in any way at all. Ever. He might have made her think that, and she might have convinced herself, but it's a lie. The best thing you can do is try to get help. Maybe he doesn't really know the extremity to which he's hurting you, and all you have to do is point it out and he will try to work on it. Or maybe not. It won't hurt to try to get help, though.

Good luck with everything. Don't bring yourself down over it. I know it's hard when you don't have a lot of positive support around you.

 

nothing is gong to change unless you make it happen. start with small changes, like gettin off the bottle, and get yourself something to do (ie get a job), then see how you feel. i know, ive told you this a million times, but its not gonna happen until YOU make it happen.

 

Bite me you fucking no life spammer.

 

I am not a spammer, and don't try to ruin the integrity of this important thread with your ignorant childish rantings.

 

I know what you are going through Trish. Heres how I bet my depression and anxiety.

For the first couple of weeks/months I just curled up in a fucking duvet and stared into space all day. Because I had no energy, no desire to do anything and I always felt so damm COLD. And thats OK to feel that way, life throws you sme cruel punches some times and you are allowed to deal with it slowly.
I took medication. In my case Aropax (known in the US as Paxil, I believe). People can babble to their blue in the face about evil pharmacuticals but unless you have experienced the horror of agrophobia, anxiety, panic attacks of depression to the point you cant get up in the morning, you have NO idea about ANYTHING. My medication got me up, back to taking care of myself - eating showering etc - , it got me out of the house, back to thinking about my future and my present. It has side effects, my meds can really help. They did for me, I couldnt have done it without them.
Make sure you have support, friends family etc. I found it very difficult to be alone while I was sick, and I had to be with my mother almost constantly. Its OK to lean on people when you are weak. Somethings are to big to tackle on your own.
Plz be strong sweetie.

 

I feel that way too at times. I have social anxiety, and when I get around crowds, I just shrivel up because I cant handle it. And I feel that no one understands me. A person who I thought was a good friend just told me that IM a weirdo, because I left the festival early without saying anything to anyone. I may be weird, but I dont need people telling me I am without understanding who I am. It was hard, the only person I actually knew at the festival told me that I should go meet new people and stop hanging around her because shes afraid she will do something to harm her relationship with her guy. I pretty much panicked, from lack of sleep and anxiety galore. I cant just walk up to people and strike a conversation. Thats just not me. I try with all my might, letting things run through my mind, possible things I could say, and I cant go through with it. The easiest route for me is to walk away, calmly (or what appears on the outside). I go through so much nervousness and anxiety inside I cant handle it. I need to know people before I can just really sit down and talk and bullshit. The scary thing is, only alcohol relieves me from my anxiety, and I cant become dependent upon it. And more and more each day I see myself turning towards alcohol because I have no inhibitions whatsoever when I drink. I wish I could find someone who actually understands me, not thinking that IM some sort of weirdo that is unpredictable and runs away from stressful situations. I wish things could be so much easier for me, but they arent. and I hate all of you who have it so easy.

 

i have experienced the horror of panic attacks, anxiety and depression, and i never showed any progress beating them until i got off the pharmeceuticals & started dealing with my problems instead of hiding from them. do not suggest i don't know what i'm talking about just because i disagree with you, because i went through 10 years of hell. for me, the drugs did way,way more harm than good. if you think the drugs are working for you, well and good, take them. but i still believe from experience that masking symptoms instead of dealing with the root cause encourages dependence and actually interferes with real, long-term healing.

this is something i feel very strongly about, because the drugs that were supposed to be "helping" me did a lot of damage to my healing process. i will never get those 10 years back.

 

It's a very scary thing to do, leaving that is. Been there done that, took my ex taking off and not telling me where he and my girls were to wake me up, and believe me, it was real crappy for a while but at the same time a big weight was lifted off of my shoulders.

I know you have tried Trish, and from what you have said at times, he has tried as well, maybe counseling would help, but that isnt always the answer you BOTH have got to want that to happen or it doesnt work.

Maybe getting a job would be a good idea, even a part time job. I know its hard to get one. Try a Starbucks or something, people say they work around college schedules and such.

The big thing, and you know I love you Trish, is probably the drinking. It has always been said that alcohol is a depressant, which doesnt help someone who is already depressed.

PM me later if I am online.

 

amen to that!

 

i just wanna say........


i love you all.

for real.

 

would you please make up your mind

a little while ago you hated us all

 

well, mike...

im a love/hate person.

i really love you all.

esp. some of you- you know who they are.....

 

i've got nothing against pharmaceuticals for treat teh chemical side of depression or extreme anxiety. i was on several for severe post-partum depression and for severe social anxiety. but the chemicals will on ly get you so far. there's more to triggering depression and anxiety than your brain chemistry. people need to get over that concept. you've got fucking problems and you need to deal with them, and they're not just of the body chemistry sort. seek help.

 

thank you for acknowledging that. i see so many people making excuses for their depression & hiding from their healing by saying "oh it's my brain chemistry", and allowing their "disorder" to define themselves. it apalls me that the mental health system in this country encourages that type of helplessness. how is that healing???

2 things about pharmaceuticals:

these pharmaceuticals were not developed for long-term maintenance, or have they been tested for long-term effects. they were created with the intent to be used for symptoms that were so intense they were preventing the kind of psychological inner work needed to address the root cause, such as overwhelming, unbearable pain, suicidal depression, or paralyzing panic. they were not intended to correct brain chemistry or make the problem "go away" but to make the symptoms manageable enough to get on with the real healing. which is psychological, seldom neurological. they are often prescribed long-term, however because a) it's easier & creates less paperwork than real treatment plans, b) the majority of doctors don't even read the package inserts or PDR entries on most of the drugs they prescribe, c) many mental health programs are over-full and understaffed, which makes it difficult for a doctor to really get to know the patient's case history & provide the kind of attentive, quality care necessary to heal and d) a psychiatrist is more likely to prescribe medication than other types of treatment, simply because they can.​

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and, none of them have been shown in studies to be as effective as exercise for long-term healing. you want to change your brain chemisty for good? drop the drugs and move your muscles! how many depressives sit around the house, take their meds & wonder when they're going to "get better"? nothing's going to change until you let your body do what it was designed by nature to do, and move it! ​

 

You know I'm not advocating prescription depression medications, but there actually was a recent study published in a top respected medical journal that high school students who were treated with medication achieved more positive results than those treated with 'talk' therapy. There was some very conclusive evidence in the study. I was pretty suprised by the findings.

 

did the study say what approach to "talk" therapy was used? that's a pretty general term. teens aren't the most eager people to readily and easily communicate their problems, especially to a strange adult they regard as an authority figure, and school psychologists tend to be rather incompetent in my (granted) limited experience. did the study examine other forms of therapy, such as art therapy, which is quite successful with teens as they have such a strong desire to define & express themselves? furthermore, did the journal mention who funded the study? a lot of these studies are funded by the phamaceutical industry.

medication did not work on me as a teen. but then, neither did talk therapy.

 

I don't recall who did the funding, but I know it was a University based program and from what I saw it appeared to have some merit to it and lacked bias from pharmaceutical companies. They used a lot of different controlled variables such as placibos and what not to get as accurate as possible of a representation from the medication side of the study.


Like I said, I'm definitely not an advocate of societies reliance on pills. Back in 1984 when my brother was a senior in high school he went into in patient care for I hate to say the word mental, but mental disturbances. The doctors tried everything in the book (which was limited at that time) and really couldn't diagnos the problem. What it turned out was a rare form of szichosphrenia called temporal lobe szichosphrenia which is actually brought on by hormonal inbalances in people generaly between the ages of 17 and 22. Ultimately, this symptoms go away without medication. Well, the side effects from all those pills is that he now has a minor form of epalepsys (sp). So yeah, who knows what the long term problems are that we may see down the road.