I wish that straight guys wouldn't send mixed messages.... See, my problem is, I sort of have a crush on my friend Mike, but I am not sure that he is bi. I try not to think sexually about people that I know are straight, but I don't think that he IS straight. I know that he likes girls, but he sometimes seems really bisexual. Examples of him acting bisexual? Well, the first time we hung out, we were walking through the woods together, and he stops me, with his hand on my shoulder and says "You know what Dylan? Bisexual people rock because they experience the best of both worlds." It was totally out of nowhere, and when he said it, I almost felt like he included himself in that statement. Then, I had him sleep over one night, and we were walking back from my friend's house at midnight. Now, I know that hugging isnt a gay thing at all, and striaght dudes always give me hugs (who know that I am bi), but out of no where, once again, he stops, and pulled me into a snug hug. I nervously giggled, and he jumped off me and said "Wait! I like Jackie..." And THEN, more recently, he slept over. I got stoned, but he didnt. As we fell asleep next to eachother on my futon (thats where me and my friends always sleep), I asked him for a head massage. He gave me one, and it lasted a while, and when he stopped, I asked him to start up again. Maybe it was beacuse I was stoned (though I think otherwise), but there seemed to be affection in the massage, and it lasted long. Then, as we fell asleep, he put his arm around me for a minute. I laughed, and he took his arm off. Then he asked me "Who do you have a crush on?" (eralier that night he told me taht he wondered if he could get any secrets out of me whilst I was stoned). I had the impression that he wanted me to say that I had a crush on him, but I merely said, "I dunno..who do you THink I have a cruhs on?" and he said "I dunno, it could be a girl..or a GUY." Then in the morning, he gave me another head massage, which I fell back asleep to. He also seems to be open about having conversations about homosexuality and bisexuality, and almost interested in them. I dunno....do you guys think that he's bi? I've decided that the next time he does something "bi-ish" that Im going to ask him if he's bi. I kinda hope he is Cheers, Dylan
It sounds like he's very open minded; bisexuality isn't out of the question. It may be curiousity, or something more; it's hard to make a call on those messages. I wouldn't suggest just calling him out, steer a conversation towards the subject and find something that isn't a blunt subject to ease him into the question. If he's uncomfortable, it's possible that he is straight or uncomfortable with you knowing. He sounds a lot like my friend; he's always been down for giving massages and everything but he's strictly heterosexual. He doesn't have a problem with my bisexuality, and, honestly speaking, he was very curious back in the day... Hell, he's fine with my Gender Identity Disorder. The point I'm making is, if he doesn't answer you directly, and isn't uncomfortable with the situation, just flat out ask him; it won't be a huge leap at that point.
It sounds like your friend is going through a "questioning" phase. Or he might be aware of his bisexuality, but is a little too scared yet to let it out, even with you. He may even be skittish because of family or religious issues. Obviously, your own attraction for him is coloring your judgements as well. Since you're 15, I assume that he's about that age (give or take a year) as well. That kind of uncertainty is quite normal at that age, as he works out who he really is. Hell, you ought to know what that's like; you're doing the same thing, it's just that you've got some issues figured out that he's still working on, and vice versa. I'd say, give him his space, and let him make the first move if he wants. But don't get your hopes up too high; a lot of what he's doing is trying out stuff and seeing how he feels about it. And definitely don't push him; you might drive him away completely! Let him be himself, and you be yourself. I wouldn't ask him point-blank if he's bi, that might be too threatening for him to handle at this time. But it's probably OK if you ask him how he feels about YOUR bisexuality, as this opens the door for him, but it doesn't force the issue.
yeah....I would never make the move...I dont have the balls to make moves on anyone, haha. yeah, I'd defitneily try to ease him into saying it...we've already had conversations about my bisexuality, alot, and he seems into talkinga bout it...so maybe it's helping him become comfortable with the idea... I'll just haveta wait and see, patience is key with tghis I guess...and i do agree witht he first resposne that my attraction may be coloring my judgement- it may defintiley be doing so... oh well. hehe it's just that other poeple i know think he could be as well, and the way he goes about the things he's done make me think he IS bi...let's just see... any other suggestions?
Yeah, I hate those mixed-messages, especially when you like the person or it draws you to like the person... About two years ago, my friend went through a really touch-feely phase with me, and it seemed pretty affectionate. You know, he'd do it during appropriate times for it, like watching a movie or something... It kinda forces your mind to think these people are bi or gay, but you never want to get carried away. If you do, it could hurt you when you discover that he really may not be bi. But it's definitely worth embracing!
does he know you're bi ? that could explain your first example in that he really likes you .... as a friend and is/would be ok with your being bi. the second one could be explained as above, he sees you as a very close friend, he might even feel toward you like a brother and cares deeply for you. the third could be as logs on sticks said, he could be just one of the touchy-feely kinda people and nothing is meant sexually by it. it could go either way, my feeling is that he is questioning and is comfortable with you. if the oportunity permits it try to steer the conversation toward the subject and then see how he responds and if it feels right to you ... ask him in a non-threatening way. I wish you luck and hope all works out. peace out, bob
yeah, he DOES know that I am bisexual, and we've had numerous conversations abuot it, just for all that were wondering if he knew. That's why I think he may be bi- cuz he's done all these little things, knowing that i am..hmmmm
You definitely have a shot in hell... I wouldn't be too scared or hesitant to play it up. His little messages sound romantic. Lemme know what goes on in the future, your chances are good!
yeppers, gotta agree with Logs play it up ... next time he gives you the hug thing, give him one back maybe with a "your right, bi-guys rock" and give him a wink.
It sounds like he's trying to find out if he is or not. Sometimes finding your sexuality can be really confusing, so be aware of anymore signs and yeah, soon, maybe you should ask him if he is bi. I mean, you sound like you're great friends and so you can ask each other anything!
its funny, cuz we acutlaly just started hanging out a couple weeks ago, so we aren't really really close or anythimg, but we're defintiely good friends. I hope I have an opportunity to ask him sometime soon, because I am so curious as to whether he is or not...I mean, HE KNOWS that I am bi, and he's done those things with me. Hopefully, when I hang out wiht him on thursday night, I'll find out, or Friday night. Any other sugestions? lol
That sounds like he may be at least very curious. Since he has been the one initiating the hug it makes me wonder what would happen if you did. I also read that when he did you giggled nervously. He may take that as a sign that you aren't ready yourself. I think, if it were me, next time I see him I would open my arms for a hug & just snug up to him & let him hug until he is done, He is obviously OK with hugs regardless of his orientation. It will establish an intimacy of sorts even if it goes nowhere from there. I do agree that you shouldn't yet flat out ask him. It could well be he isn't ready to even say it but I have also heard of cases where someone won't verbally acknowledge the fact that they are gay or bi but will go ahead & have sex. I'm not saying that is going to happen with him but I do get the feeling from what you have said that he isn't ready to admit it yet if he is. You also could do some of the subtle things like touch his arm once in a while & if he doesn't pull away after a while touch his knee. Brushing your hand through his hair is a good step too. You are could to learn alot from those things. Also watch his body language, look for signs that he is reacting positively to your presence. After a while you could experiment with resting your hand on his or maybe even holding it if it seems right. Do thses things slowly don't rush any of it. Think of what would feel good to have someone that is interested in you do to you. It doesn't hurt to verbally stroke his ego either. I'm sure you get the idea. You can do many things that aren't making moves directly but give him the opportunity to open up to you take the lead if that is what he wants to do.
argh, I spent another night wiht him, and am yet more confused. He gave me anothjer head massage, was sleeping next to me on my futon sharing my pillow with me, and our faces were close..and now Im more confsued. I woke up during the middel of the night and gave him head massages for a while, and he woke up once or twice, and he smiled at me and said "hey dylan" and then fell asleep, and then I asked if I should keep going and he said "nah, that was good." I was going to ask him if he was bi, but hten he fell asleep! arrrrrrgh
when he said "nah" it coulda been that he was tired and didn't want to "bother" you by "asking" for the head massage to continue. but the fact that he did wake up a time or two and said "hey" and then fell back asleep would indicate he was VERY relaxed being with you.
yeah...it is just that he is SUCH a hard person to "read," because he kids around a lot. But dont you think if a straight guy woke up to their bi guy friend massaging their head randomly during the night that the straight guy would be weirded out and ask the other to stop? Thats another thing- he's not very good at expressing his emotions too openly, like if he's annoyed, he'll tell you if you ask, but besides that he'll subtly show it. hmmm
This confusion about a "straight" guys sexual orientation is very, very common with us gay/bi people. It probably can be one of the most frustrating things to ever have to deal with, but most of the time we end up moving on with only an incline of what might have happened if things turned out differently. The realization that we ultimately come to is that most straight guys are straight, and we just get stuck in the rut of being attracted to them. I have personally encountered many guys were questionable. There is a common bond among most of them though--they just come from a very open-minded background. Now, in my experience straight guys who feel comfortable with you will flirt, but, sadly, they never mean for it to go anywhere. A lot of my friends have gotten with straight guys just for the sex, but that doesn't make the guy gay or bi. Sometimes they just want something and they're comfortable in getting it from a guy. So, I don't mean to sound like the cynical one here with all that though. From what you're saying, it seems like this one particular guy might truly be attracted to you too. Just don't get your hopes too high. I have actually asked a "mixed message" guy what was going on with him and with us, and he simply replied that he thought I was a good person but nothing would ever happen. I was disappointed, but I moved on. Just a little advice about asking him: If you decide to do it, know that you might lose him as a friend. It's sad, I know. Then again, this guy (if he turns out to be straight) sounds like he wouldn't do that to you. Good Luck.
thanks for hte advice...yeah, I dont think taht he actually likes me...I knowt hat he likes a certain girl, but I've been wodnering if he may possibly be bi....who knows? I think I should probably just move on and worry about other things, or try to find someone esle. If i get the chance I'll ask him sometime, but I guess wondering won't do much, now will it? He does seem to be pretty damn open, but its odd because he didnt move from a nessecarily open minded place, and his family sint really either. I'll just let it go, and if it pops up again, it will, and if it doenst, then it won't. Cheers, Dylan
Hey, the least you can do is play it up. It might be a little risky to ask him about his sexuality because his reactions toward you will probably be a little unpredictable. But so far, no harm was done with the constant flirtation that exists between the two of you, so embrace that. It may go somewhere in the future if that connection continues to exist. So just relax and try not to over-analyze. That's probably what's brining you down and confused. Just go with the flow. Here's some things to consider: If the flirting between the two of you continues to go on for a long time (especially what he does to you first), chances are that it's not a simple phase or an "experiment" on his part. There may be real and genuine feelings inside of him for you. Of course, like you've said, he's open and his descriptions lead me to believe that he is secure with his sexuality. So these things may not be "gay" or gross to him, just something to joke around with. But you know what, the fact that he is open and secure is also a plus. He's probably willing to open himselfup to the same-sex. Good luck, and keep it going!
