I don't think I've ever had any real friends. When I was younger, I was too much of an asshole to have friends. I hung out with these twins that used to live across the street (in like first grade, they moved though). I feel bad for being an asshole to them (crazy and stupid things, I don't even wanna say). I remember being locked in a bathroom when I was younger for biting a kid on the nose. His mother put me there. Later, I hung out with some kids who alawys played Pok'emon at recess during lunch. That died with the coming of middleschool, and I didn't pick up on Yugioh. Damn, I was an asshole, and stupid. When I matured a little, I became depressed. In the summer of my 7th grade, I hung out with a guy named Tyler almost every day. We never hung out at school. We rode bikes (I saw him rip the same scar off his knee three times). We hacked people on Runescape (an mmorpg), he'd trick them into giving him their pass then he'd transfer their stuff to me. We also people killed ingame. I didn't talk to him during 8th grade much, I went to yellowstone, came back, and was told he went to Korea (and didn't care, it had been a year). I've never had any real friends, people who I could really talk too. A guy I know saw a post on a forum about me wanting to kill myself (Runescape Forums, where nothing is allowed, go read their code of conduct). He talked to me about it, but pointlessly. I couldn't tell him how I really felt, hes an asshole. He mocks me infront of other people (and I counter, but I swear, he started it). I don't think I am going to talk to him anymore. I am in band, marching and concert. People in the band haved asked me why I don't hang out with anybody in the band. I've isolated myself, and I can't help it. I am too tired to remember or explain this. Damn, its like 2 Am.
go to theatre, let your emotions out, read up on stanislavsky, pain is useful and don't go the emotions on your sleeve route, go the emotions controlled in a ball ready to be called upon any moment route the other way you seem a little flamboyant, you will be called faerie......
okay, the theory behind the stanislavsky school of acting is that you take your emotional state and imbue your character with it, if your character is sad you take a moment when you were sad in you were sad and you either amplify or deaden it to match the amount that the character is feeling it same with happiness, love or any emotion, people watching is good for things you haven't experienced yet, you can fake it till you feel it and with the skills you develop from this you can develop an absurd amount of emotional control, I can completly control all my emotions.... some theatre people will simply hold all their emotions outside and then they have them on the table, open and prepared, I went for more discipline and pull them from depth I act less stupid that way
The reason you've isolated yourself is most likely because you fear something; socially, possibly. Fear is one of humanities greatest vices; get help overcomming it if necessary. I'm not sure if I'm onto the true nature of your situation, but that's gotta fit somewhere into it.
I am an ass, and okay with it....... ask almost anyone here, 9-10 young hippies agree Quest techie is an unmitigated ass..... but I'm totally comfortable with that fact
haha.. the best form of ass is a self aware ass... but it helps if it's a cute ass too... I have lost myself already.. I am an ass tooo, one of those big bulging ones that has been on a diet and is mentally anorexic, but visually quite trim but still has all the signs of once having been very large... hm, did I say I was lost?
