Things My Mother Taught Me

I OWE MY MOTHER...

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear , in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until a;; that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
""This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it!"

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate kids in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until you get home!"

17.My mother taught me about RECIEVING.
"You are going to get it when we get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes that are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on, don't you think I know when you're cold?

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegtables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father!"

23. My mother taught me about ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you! Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
(glad that justice doesn't always prevail in this case anyways,lol)

 

LOL... can really relate to some of that! Thanks for sharing

 

hah 15 is so true...i am so glad i never have to hear about the starving children in japan again...she should have actually picked a starving country and maybe i would have eaten her cooking...blah

 

in Japan? LOL.. hehe.. that's so funny.

Mine would make me be thankfull to God for not being born in a poor African country.. made me wonder what the hell those kids did to deserve that..

 

This is great, and so true...my mom also taught me about consequences..."keep that up, and I'm going to tell your father!"

 

I think this covered almost every line either my mom said or a friend's mom said. I remember offering to ship by mail, my hated dinner to the starving children.

 

heh my mom would tell me they had a swapmeet for kids and she would trade me in or that the hungry lion was going to eat one of my legs. she has a strange sense of humor that i never got as a kid. at least your mom picked an actual third world country.

 

Cute!

 

LMAO excellent list

 

Lol.. that was great and sooo true.. I could hear my mothers voice when reading that

 

yeah, hehe, when I read it I reverted to childhood for a few moments (and the times I pretended I didn't hear her too)

 

That is so funny.

My mother told me, and these are bothe true:

1. Even if you think you're in love, keep your own checking account with only your namr on it. (She says that her mother told her that.)

2. People are usually dumber than you think they are.

 

LOL!! yeah, and how come the dumb ones never realize they are. Good advise on the checking account.

 

I've had my own, as has my dh since we were living together almost 20 years ago. We also share one. Works out well.

 

Same with my parents

It just makes such good sense to.

 

My mother taught me about INFALLIBILITY:
"I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong!"

and she also taught me COERCION:
"look at what you've made me do!"

 

Deleted by me (reason no longer exists for this post)

 

Ooooh... what about the most famous one

My mother thaught me guilt:
"I'm not mad at you, just dissapointed"

 

Or how about MORAL RELATIVISM:
"I'm doing this for your own good"